Effie in Blindingham

In Plain Sight

2011-12-28T13:25:00.001Z

Blindingham Hall
September 7th 1853

My diversion around the grounds with Jennet has left me in a state of apprehension. He seems saddened, more weary and dejected than when I last spent time with him on gardening matters - I did not feel it right to question him about his marriage to that ridiculous woman but I cannot help feeling that he has not been made happier for it. He was reticent when speaking about anything other than the grounds - which is right and proper, of course, but a little frustrating - and said nothing at all when I mentioned how heavy the loss of Villiers sat with me.

We have planned a beautiful shrubbery and lawns, though, so I must not mind his quietude too much. He did mention some talk in the village that they wish to view me now that I am back. I do have some letters which it would not kill me to take to the post office myself, I suppose. It may seem wrong for someone of my rank to line up with everyone else, but it will give me a chance to find out what the Italian plans to do and where he intends to set up his studio. Oh! How stupid of me! Of course I must allow him to work in the Orangery now it is restored - perfect light, plenty of room and naturally I will be able to help him choose his sitters and their poses. Josiah can not possibly object to my spending so much time with a true artist - especially in a room whose interior can be seen from all angles and at some considerable distance. I shall gather my correspondence and make my way to the village without delay.

Lost in Transition

2011-12-28T12:28:00.001Z

Blindingham Hall
September 5th 1853

I awoke with the startling realisation that I can no longer trust anyone to look after me. I have for far too long relied on the protection of my husband, the care of my closest friend and the paternal instinct still just present in Papa. I must grow up!

The Italian in the village has stirred up a good deal of rivalry amongst Blindingham folk and I, as Lady of the Hall, must show leadership. I must set the tone for the village's dealings with this man and must, above all, ensure that my place in Blindingham society is reflected in the portrait he will paint of me. I may ask him to paint me here, in the Chinese Room - it is surely the most beautiful room in the Hall and will provide permanent evidence of the tasteful refurbishments Josiah and I have made. The light in the mornings is perfect for my skin tone, but I fear my hair may be too subtle against the darkness of the hair on the oriental women depicted in the silks. I am once again plunged into despondency in the absence of Villiers. He would know exactly where I should sit and how I should dress. This is too much!

I breakfasted well enough but the staff are still becoming familiar with the new kitchens, so my kedgeree was almost cold. I had not the will to go down and complain. I shall allow the cook some time to get to grips with her domain and will observe the route the serving staff take to reach the dining hall - it may be possible to save some seconds that way to ensure the food arrives at a palatable temperature. I have arranged to see Jennet this afternoon to discuss the winter maintenance plans and will walk the grounds with him. I shall enjoy his company, I expect, since he will not ask too much of me except some agreement and general encouragement.

There is so much for me to consider now I am returned! How shall I direct the staff? Which rooms should be made ready for guests over the coming months? What linen has survived the fire? What shrubs are people planting now? Where will I sit for the Italian and would Josiah prefer me to be chaperoned, and by whom?

Oh, I am quite giddy with the responsibility! The resolve I had at breakfast to behave in a more adult manner is slipping away from me even before luncheon...

The Village of Garcia Fortuna

2010-11-23T20:07:00.003Z

Blindingham
September 4th 1853

I am sitting with Dauncey on my lap, drinking morning coffee on my own terrace at last. I am glad no-one is with me to chatter and bewilder my mind still further - last night's supper with that woman was enough to send me mad. I shall have to tell Josiah what she said, of course, but for now I must order my thoughts and work out what it is that he must know and what I must keep to myself (and Boo).

As the boy drove me up the lane to Lydiatt House, the whole drab collection of Cornbenches idled out to meet me, like a herd of docile cattle. I alighted from the trap and was dragged pathetically into the house by the children - who showed as much spirit as could be expected, I suppose, from those borne into dreary dullness. Mrs Cornbench clasped my arm and said,

" Oh my dear, how pleased we are to see you back in your rightful place! Blindingham is empty without you. Do come and eat with us while we tell you everything that has happened here while you have been up in London. You might not think the City so exciting when you learn what goes on in the country!"

She babbled on in this tiresome manner throughout the whitebait and right up until the end of the soup. Eventually Mr Cornbench hushed her and we endured some greying beef in relative peace.

The Cornbenches are very modern people who believe their children should dine with company - I can only imagine how quiet they are when alone - so it was not until they had been sent to their beds that I began to understand the reason for all the faddle about village news.

"My dear Mrs Hatherwick, permit me to speak with freedom in the interests of your continued happiness, now you are returned home." (Mr Cornbench addressed me as if I were at the Assizes; I became quite unsettled at his tone) "You will be pleased, I am convinced of it, that we have taken it upon ourselves to apprise you of recent events."

He paused, waiting for what I don't know. I adopted an expression of puzzled interest in the hope that he would carry on speaking without me having to bother to request it. He took my hint,

"Someone has arrived to take lodging in the Village. A very interesting character - he is from Italy by all accounts and is every bit as exotic as his provenance would suggest."

Exotic? What on earth could he mean? And it would only take two cloves in an orange for Mr Cornbench to declare a whole fruit basket exotic, so I was not expecting a great deal from this story.

" He is called Mr Fortuna. Mr Garcia Fortuna from Naples. Naples is in Italy."

"I guessed as much," I said. "And do you know why has this Mr Fortuna come to live in the village?"

"He is to paint our portraits - every one of us! He has a commission from a very honourable patron; we are all to become famous in the Galleries of Rome!" Mrs Cornbench squealed and bounced around in her seat, til I was forced to address her, too.

"Paint our portraits? Who on earth should wish to see the residents of Blindingham preserved in oils?"

I was quite perplexed by the news and by the degree of excitement it warranted, until I heard the answer to my question.

" My dear! We are to hang in the halls of the Emperor of Austria, Franz Josef! Mr Fortuna is to spend a year observing us ordinary village folk (I bridled a little at being included in that group, but bit my tongue in the presence of Royalty...) and he is to send his works to Italy where the Emperor is regaining power from the Revolutionaries! Now, tell me that is not the most exciting news ever to have reached your pretty ears!"

Mrs Cornbench had quite forgotten herself as she reached for my ears to tweak them in her frenzy. I recoiled enough to save my dignity, but I was extremely exercised by the whole business.

I could not - and can still not - fathom why an Emperor of Austria should wish to furnish his Italian acquisitions with images of rural Surrey. But if Signor Garcia Fortuna is to paint portraits for the Royal Houses of Europe, I should like to ensure that one of them is of me.

My concern now is how much of this news to convey to Josiah. He is quite capable of living an entire six-month at Blindingham without knowing anything of local activity or gossip, but if I am to sit for a painting I shall have to spend some time with this Mr Fortuna. If he is an unmarried gentleman, Josiah will not hear of it, I am sure. I will write to Boo and ask her advice - she is quite shrewd where my husband is concerned and has often steered me to the best course of action in my dealings with him. Bless her, she must listen as closely as any friend could when I speak of him - she almost knows his thoughts as well as I do myself!

Gossip Girl

2010-11-19T13:50:00.001Z

Blindingham
September 2nd 1853

Here I am - as Mistress of Blindingham once more! If the past two days of travel and travail are typical of my fortunes I swear I shall never leave this house again. It is beautiful and it is my own!

As usual the servants were lined up to see me in and some of the girls were obviously pleased to watch Dauncey as he investigated - he did look small when he stood on the doorstep for the first time, bless him. I remembered fondly the days when Villiers and Cook were at the head of the line but I cannot wish history away - if things never changed at all I would still be happy, playing with my dolls and dreaming of my future, instead of being Josiah's wife. Which is the greatest happiness, of course.

Jennet was present, not in the welcome party but foraging somewhere close by and his new bride was smiling rather too brightly, I thought, as she watched me pass. She suits a highly coloured outfit far better than she does a laundry apron, I must confess. Still, I shall most probably never see her unless I venture into the washrooms - and I do not think my hair would survive too many forays there.

I fancied that Jennet watched me with some sadness, but I was so happy to be on my own doorstep I chose not to care much about him.

To be at Blindingham without Villiers - or any butler for that matter - will be a trial of sorts, but I shall press Josiah for a solution when he returns. I shall busy myself with teaching Dauncey where he is to sleep and which areas of the lawn he must not dig up. Watching him fall in love with this house will be a delight.

As I was being brought tea in the afternoon, the footman gave me a note from the intolerable Cornbenches, inviting me to dine with them tomorrow. Such tedium! She wrote that she has much to tell me about the goings on in the village this Summer - I can only hope they serve strong coffee after dinner, else I shall fall dead asleep on my plate with boredom.

Unplanned stoppage

2010-11-19T07:55:00.003Z

Sommersbury Turnpike Inn
August 31st 1853

This day has been too much for me to bear! Not five hours into my solitary journey I was beset by trouble and had not the faintest notion of when a living soul would realise my plight.

When I say 'living' I should truly say that I mean 'conscious'. My driver, after a number of treacherous departures from the designated road we were on, suddenly slumped in a stupor across his driving plate! He remained there, quite still but making the sort of noise I imagine might come from a half-slaughtered sow, for an interminable age while Dauncey and I tried to wake him.

I eventually noticed that we had stopped within sight of a small coaching house, so I stepped down from the carriage and carried my companion with me to see if anyone sensible might be in attendance there.

It was only the services of the woman from the Inn and her runt of a servant boy that saved me from certain disaster. On seeing my driver, she indicated to the boy that he knew what to do - I had the strange impression that this kind of occurrence was not unfamiliar to her - and within two minutes he had climbed onto the carriage plate and emptied a bowl of water onto the driver's head. Miraculously, he was not dead or dying after all - but his revival was not sufficient for him to restart our journey.

I am now sitting with Dauncey in a room which I would not use at home even to store sweeping brushes. The driver is asleep in a room above me and so Dauncey and I must wait until he is fit to resume his task of setting us safely down on the Blindingham approach. I cannot tell how many hours I may have to endure here - with the Inn keeper's wife revelling in my misfortune whenever she brings me some soup - but I can assure the owners of the South Eastern Express Coach Company that very soon they shall have to change either their workforce or their name. They cannot carry on with both.

Dog tracks

2010-11-18T19:58:00.000Z

Sydney Walk
August 30th 1853

Josiah is sending me ahead to Blindingham without anyone to accompany me! I am to travel tomorrow with no knowledge of whether Villiers is to return to us. I am distraught at such a prospect - however shall I manage when I arrive? There will be staff there, of course - Josiah is not a cruel husband who would abandon me to dress my own hair - but no-one with Villiers' knowledge of how to run the House. I pleaded with him to let me wait a few more days to see if Papa would change his mind as well but he was firm in his resolve. He said he had urgent business which could not be ignored and that I was too much of a distraction from his duties. I suppose I should be pleased that my husband's attention can still be drawn by me after all these years but I am nevertheless not happy at his ruling. He is not the sort of man to leave things undone, though, and I must abide by his wishes.

So, I shall pack my clothes in my bags and put Dauncey in my coat sleeves for the journey - he will entertain me every bit as much as Villiers could, I am sure.

Umbrage

2010-01-28T20:51:00.000Z

Sydney Walk
August 22nd 1853

Well! There is nothing more stubborn than an elderly man with theatrical pretensions! Papa will not countenance spending the winter with us in Blindingham. He says he will miss his London life too much. What 'London life'? Who will he miss more than his own flesh and blood? Not his spiritualist friends, surely, nor the card players. he cannot mean his acting company, or the circle Mrs Doughty has invited him into. He cannot wish to fill his empty days with all these people, can he, instead of his own daughter and loving son-in-law? I am insulted beyond endurance, truly.

Re-establishment

2010-01-28T20:43:00.001Z

Sydney Walk
August 21st 1853

Josiah has had a letter from the parson at Blindingham confirming the marriage of Jennet to that stupid girl. I admit to a sliver of envy at the thought of their excitement in a new life together, although I could not have married a man more suited to me than my own husband. He is solicitous of the welfare of others in matters that other men might think beneath them - indeed as soon as he read the parson's words, Josiah sent a boy straight to the guest house where Villiers is staying.

He sent the boy with a note informing him of Jennet's recent nuptials and giving him an assurance that despite everything that has happened over the summer in London, Villiers is welcome to rejoin our household and resume his position as our trusted and trustworthy Butler. I saw the note myself, it read thus,

V

Gardener wed. Your atrocious behaviour forgotten - return awaited.

JH

How many other husbands would try so hard to rehabilitate a disgraced servant? Josiah understands my unwillingness to take Garforth with us to the Hall and he understands Villiers' sadness at being away from us. Josiah is a man who wishes above all else that those around him are happy. No, however enviable the state of new matrimony may be, I would not be without my own dear husband.

Home for the Holidays

2010-01-28T20:14:00.000Z

Sydney Walk
August 20th 1853

We are preparing to leave London for the winter! After months of restoration, Blindingham Hall is finally ready for us to resume residence. I am beside myself with anticipation and can hardly sleep for thinking about how we shall inhabit our new home. Of course, I know it is not entirely new but there is so much that has been added and refreshed - Josiah has worked day and night to make the Hall beautiful. I am the most fortunate wife in Christendom to have such a creative husband. I have already forgiven him the endless days and nights away from home - I am not such an ingrate that I can stay cross with him when I think of all there is to look forward to!

Of course, I must spend these next few days saying my goodbyes. I shall go to see Boo and her brood and must call in to the Press before I leave. I have had word from Mrs Doughty that she is seeking to expand the business. She is such a forceful woman, I am proud to be her associate. She wishes to discuss her ideas with Boo and me at our earliest convenience so I have shown some initiative and already arranged to release funds from Papa to bring to the meeting with me. I am quite the businesswoman, am I not? I am to see Papa this afternoon and shall put to him a little plan I have been thinking about for a while - I shall ask him to accompany Josiah and me to Blindingham for the Winter. How dutiful a daughter I am!

What the Butler Saw

2009-12-31T15:41:00.000Z

Sydney Walk
August 16th 1853

I do not care for Garforth at all. Dauncey is scared of him and the servants will do nothing he tells them. I heard the pantrymaid answer him back yesterday with such effrontery I wonder that he did not call on Josiah to dismiss her. Villiers was so good with the staff - oh, I cannot be expected to endure this new arrangement a minute longer! I have already spoken of my dissatisfaction in the matter to Josiah, but he seems happy enough with him. He is vague about Garforth's origins and simply will not give me a clear answer to the question of where he found him, and so soon after Villiers abandoned us. If he was indeed recommended by a member of Josiah's club I should wish to question the member concerned. Josiah's obvious and creditable commitment to his business is making him inattentive at home, I fear, but the fact is he has hastily employed an incompetent man that he has no intention of censuring for his inadequacies. It is as if Garforth has more power at Sydney walk than Josiah himself.

We are due to resume our lives at Blindingham next month - although it will be strange to spend Winter in the country and not here in London - and I absolutely will not take Garforth with me to preside over the staff at the Hall. He seems to know little of a Butler's duties and much of the ways of a dandy. He wears clothing more suited to a gentleman entertainer - perhaps he is merely acting the part of a servant in preparation for some theatrical presentation? I shall invite poor Papa to tea and see if he can sniff the stage on him!

Sound Minds

2009-12-29T22:32:00.001Z

Sydney Walk
August 13th 1853

My Dearest Boo

I send my fondest regards to you and LB and baby Angelina - and to Mr Pitt as well, of course. I confess my household is in a state of disarray, such that I am not happy to invite you into it. This letter is to explain a little of what I have suffered recently and to ask for a pardon for my desultory show of hospitality over this summer in London.

The most terrible thing has happened, Boo. Villiers has left us! You told me he was turned upside down by the impending marriage of Jennet to that blockheaded girl. That wedding has now taken place in the village and it seems that Villiers is unable to bear being employed in the same family. So, the Hatherwicks have lost a butler and gained a stupid kitchenmaid. In my generosity I offered Jennet's bride a place amongst the Blindingham staff - hoping she has improved since she was last with us. We are not returning there for another month (Oh, Boo - you will adore the new rooms we have had built. We have Chinese silk in the first guest room - from China!) but Villiers could take no more of Josiah's teasing and whilst I was away they had the most awful falling out. He did not even work out his notice.

I went yesterday to the lodging house in Camden where he has taken refuge. His sister owns it, I believe, although she was not present when I called. It is a pleasant enough place, although quite drab on the outside, with flower baskets which were woefully unattended for the time of year. The sister is landlady to a number of distressed young men, it seems, as the downstairs parlour was full of Villiers' co-habitants, all clucking and plucking over their lunch. One of them came to the door when I rang the bell and as I entered I was minded of a mother bird returning to the nest at feeding time - there was a silence as they all turned to me with expectant, open faces but as Villiers emerged to greet me they returned to chooking and scraping at their soup bowls.

Villiers was adamant that he could not return, despite some pitiful pleading from me. He allowed me to reclaim Dauncey - which is the least I expected of him - but sent me on my way with a sad resolve not to accompany me. He seems convinced that I am not safe in Josiah's care and insisted on making prophecies and warnings which meant nothing to me at all. Remembering his shocking treatment of the Girl and her idiot child and his distress at the loss of the booby from Blindingham, I fancy he may be a little unhinged, Boo. There can be no other explanation for his hatred of Josiah and his concern for me - he is driven by guilt and unrequited love for that farm animal of a girl.

Do you know of a physician who specialises in diseases of the mind, Boo? I should so love to restore Villiers' senses to him. I wish above all else for him to be happy and for Garforth to be on the watch for employment elsewhere.

Really, what with Cook and now this, I fear Josiah and I have been most unfortunate in our employment of the mentally fragile. I wonder whether I have been too tolerant and understanding in my treatment of them. Perhaps a few more harsh words from me would stop me having to save them from themselves when I am most in need of them!

I shall come to see you soon, Boo. I give you my word that you and yours will be the first guests to stay with us at Blindingham. I know that Josiah is keen to give my closest friend the best of our newly refurbished bedchambers,

Yrs

Eff x

Chaos

2009-12-26T16:18:00.001Z

Sydney Walk
August 12th 1853

This is the first minute I have had to sit and consider my own thoughts since I came back from Blindingham. So much has happened I can hardly sort one event from another. Indeed, those theories Papa expounds concerning destiny and connections may not be the ravings of an ageing widower, after all. It is possible that when a butterfly flaps its wings in foreign parts, my entire household is turned on its head.

When I had finally escaped from the intolerable Cornbenches, I journeyed back to Sydney Walk in the most uncomfortable carriage known to man. The driver stopped at every watering hole along the route, claiming that the horse was in constant need of sustenance - by contrast I had eaten and drunk not a morsel since breakfast. To be carried by a well-fed horse is desirable, I suppose, but in future I shall ensure that the creature is catered for prior to departure.

My headache did not disperse and when I approached my front door in the late afternoon I was met by a man I had never set eyes on who declared himself to be our new Butler! He smiled down at me rather as a snake may welcome a toad. In my dazed and hungry state, I fancied he was not actually human but some sort of visitation. I asked where my husband was and was told he was at his club. This vexed me more than a little since I had sent word that I would be arriving that afternoon. It appears Josiah had not calculated the dietary needs of the horse any more than I had and had waited in for me but become anxious to meet an associate who was in town for a few days from Lacock. Something to do with photographic imagery, as far as I could understand. I knew Josiah had been interested in this field for some time but it now seems he has been introduced to a very influential chap who thinks we shall all be able to make lifelike picture records of the most mundane of activities any day of the week - though why on earth any of us should wish to is beyond me for the moment. This 'butler' - Garforth he said his name was - leered a little and I saw perspiration upon his forehead and neck. I can not bear the sight of a man perspiring - not indoors. Villiers is an excitable man but even he can remain sweatless when necessary. Garforth told me he would send a boy out to fetch Josiah and then he ordered the kitchen to prepare me some soup. I was too confused to do much except drink the broth he brought me and go to bed. Josiah arrived home much later apparently and, wishing not to disturb me, spent the night in his dressing room.

It was not until the next morning that I realised I had not seen any sign of Dauncey.

At breakfast Josiah sat quietly, waiting for me to ask him what had happened in my absence. He was obviously reluctant to offer any conversation of his own unless pressed by me. How tiresome men are when they have domestic information to impart.

After half an hour of interrogation I learned the news that I had been dreading. Villiers had indeed left us after he and Josiah had the most terrible argument. From what I could understand of my husband's contribution to the debate the damage is such that I fear it may never be repaired. What is more, Villiers took Dauncey with him! He accused Josiah of neglect and cruelty, saying that he was not fit to look after his own family, leave alone a defenceless animal. I was utterly shocked at Villiers' assertion that my husband does not protect me, although I confess I was glad that Dauncey had a safe - if temporary - home with someone who loves him. I know Villiers had been dreadfully upset by the news that Jennet was to marry, but I cannot think his distress to be so severe that it has robbed him of his reason. What did he mean? How can he think that Josiah is not a provider for his family?

Josiah engaged the services of this Mr Garforth without observing the proper processes. He was anxious, I am sure, to maintain the household in my absence but nevertheless I am cross that I was not consulted. A Lady should be secure in the knowledge that she is being served by someone fit for the job. Despite being with us for well over a fortnight now, Mr Garforth has not supplied us with any references and is quite vague about his previous employment - Josiah says he was recommended by one of the fellows at his club, so I shall have to be happy with that. It is a gentleman's establishment and all those who join are professional types with no wish to cause harm to each other, I am sure of it. Still, I do not like him. He gives instructions to the staff as if they are army soldiers and he is their General - he shouts a lot and produces the vilest little bits of spit in the corners of his mouth. The cleaning is no longer being done thoroughly enough and the staff are becoming sloppy in other ways, too. My clothes are not laid out as I would wish, but have an air of desperation about them - as if the maid prepares them with her eyes shut. I found her coming out of Josiah's dressing room yesterday morning in rather too much of a hurry for someone who is supposed to be organised and capable. What on earth is happening?

So, with my faithful Butler and my cat having left home; my husband is spending every waking hour on his big new idea and I have the task of making everything straight again. I shall visit Villiers later on today - he has gone to his sister, I believe, who runs a guest house in Camden. If I cannot persuade Villiers to come home with me, I may well take one of the rooms and stay there!

Morning After

2009-12-26T09:05:00.001Z

Lydiatt House
July 12th 1853

I have woken up with the severest of headaches, brought on I should imagine by the dull prattle Mrs Cornbench employs to entertain her husband. I do not feel well enough to spend half a day in a carriage but I can not countenance another night in this house and must return to London to make sure Villiers is still a member of my staff. I shall take a walk around the upper lawn before breakfast to shake my poor head.

The events of yesterday hang heavy on me this morning, I find. Jennet's happiness was indeed a thing to behold. I confess to being envious of his joyful expectations and can only assume that I have become a little bored with my own life. I shall go and see Boo the moment I set foot down from my journey - she is the only person who will understand how I feel.

Greener grass

2009-10-25T18:23:00.005Z

Lydiatt House
July 11th 1853

I feel such a great sense of responsibility and am quite cross with my husband. He is no doubt sitting happily at his club conducting some business or other whilst I was plotting the destruction of a poor man's hopes.

I waited in the Cornbench's parlour all morning, having sent word to Jennet and that booby that I wished to speak with them. Mrs Cornbench hovered in the hall downstairs like a ghostly presence, appearing from nowhere at the slightest sound of footsteps on the drive, but pretended she was leaving me to my thoughts. I had no-one for company but her wretched dog - why anyone should choose to nuzzle such a vile creature I shall never know; at least Dauncey is clean - because Mr Cornbench had taken his whispery children on a pheasant shoot in the grounds. I amused myself by wondering how many of them would return to the house alive. I shouldn't be surprised if no-one noticed one of them missing.

It was not until nearly midday that I saw from the window the betrothed couple making their way to the house. Jennet was wearing his best clothes, I expect, and his bride-to-be had clearly made an effort to impress me. She had on a sprigged muslin dress - appropriate material for the time of year, if a little showy for daytime - and was wearing a feathered hat. They must have walked quite some distance because her face seemed quite flushed and she looked as if she would like nothing more than a brief rest.

I stood back a step or two so they could not see me watch them approach.

I am no expert in affairs of the heart - despite having made a wondrous match myself - but I fancy I can recognise young love, even at a distance. Jennet was holding his intended by the elbow, guiding her up to the front steps. She wavered a little as she looked up at the house, no doubt overwhelmed by the stately frontage, such that Jennet reached to steady her. He bent his head towards her, appearing to whisper a word or two of encouragement. She gazed back at him as if seeing him for the first time and reached out to touch his cheek. I felt a little lurch of envy at that, I do not mind confessing.

She paused just before they rang the bell and she appeared to reached inside her cloak, looking for something. After a few seconds she produced a small glass bottle and held it aloft. Jennet said something sharply to her, at which she jumped and hid the bottle again within the folds of her cloak. In her desire to impress me, she had brought a gift which Jennet was anxious for her to keep concealed until the moment presented itself for her to give it to me.

The maid showed them in to the parlour and I could hear Mrs Cornbench sweeping about making sure everything was in order. They stood before me, Jennet still holding his bride steady as she attempted a curtsey.

"I expect you will be wondering why I have come from London in such a hurry to see you before your nuptials," I said. They looked a little blankly, but nodded their agreement that they were unsure of the reason for my visit.

"Ma'am," ventured Jennet, "I hope your journey has been pleasant at any rate."

"It has been unremarkable thus far," I answered, "but thank you for your concern."

The girl tottered slightly as I spoke. Truly I believe she was so in awe of her surroundings she could hardly keep her attention in one place. Jennet gripped her arm more tightly and gave me a beseeching look. His discomfort was such that I decided I should dispense with any more pleasantries - I do not like to chit-chat with servants in any case.

"I have come to ascertain the reasons for your marriage." I told them. "The news has been received in London with alarm in some quarters and I wish to find out for myself what exactly has brought it on."

They both stared at me and then at each other. Bless them, they seemed so wrapped up in each other that I felt quite cruel. I wondered how Boo would have conducted herself in my position and concluded that she would have been businesslike and direct, so I said,

"Is this intended union absolutely necessary?"

"Necessary, ma'am?" said Jennet. "I am sorry, I do not understand your question."

I looked at the girl, who was now quite faint. I have not seen many young women in a delicate condition but this was unmistakeable.

"Are you with child?" I asked her. She whimpered a little and seemed to slump against Jennet. He mopped her brow with his cap and turned back to me. She gathered her wits enough to smile a little, before whispering the words "Bill to become a father? How funny!" Jennet cleared his throat and stood forward a little.

"Ma'am, I have always worked hard for you and Mr Hatherwick, have I not? I pride myself on being a loyal and trustworthy servant. I hope that my service has never been questioned or needed to be. I have tended the grounds at the Hall for the last....." He sounded exactly like Villiers did during the outburst that prompted this whole exchange in the first place. I held my hand up to stem his flow.

"Calm yourself, Jennet, for all our sakes. I am not commenting on your abilities as a groundsman. I merely want to find out why you are marrying this girl." As I gestured towards her, she produced a sound which I can hardly describe outside the confines of a farmyard.

"I am marrying her because it is the right time for me to take a wife, Ma'am. There is not a man in the village who wishes to marry her as much as I do. Miss Everdown is the wife I must take."

'Must?', what did he mean, 'must'? "Miss Everdown's father has been kind enough to allow me to have her hand in marriage. He has known me all my life and understands me better than any man." She spluttered a little at hearing this and made to remove the bottle from her cloak to give to me, I fancied, but Jennet stopped her. "Her father is most insistent that I look after his precious daughter from now on."

I remembered Josiah and his protestations to Papa all those years ago, when I had been hiding on the stairs listening to the man I loved persuading my father why he should let me go. As I heard Jennet speak of his intentions I felt quite overcome with emotion. I could not stand in the way of such lovestruck determination, even though it might cost me the best manservant I had ever employed.

"Very well," I said to them, "That is all I wanted to hear. Mr Hatherwick and I give you our blessing. We shall of course pay for the wedding breakfast and will welcome you both into our household upon our return to Blindingham Hall."

I watched for their reaction. In truth I think my generosity must have stunned them a little for they spoke not a word, just stared at me. In the end I was compelled to break the silence,

"I must pass on to you some further congratulations. From Villiers, who wished to be remembered to you." As I said these words, Jennet's face took on a stricken look and his eyes became wet with tears. The girl showed more spirit than she had shown throughout as she turned to Jennet and said, with steel in her voice, "Villiers? What, still?" And they gave each other an intimate look of such deep understanding I was almost tearful myself. She turned from him, the intensity of feeling obviously too much for her as she covered her mouth with her cloak and made another of those wretched noises.

"Thank you, Ma'am," said Jennet as he led his intended away. I watched them walking away from the house, wondering whether Josiah and I had ever shown such feeling to each other in public. As they receded from view, I saw them begin to engage in that puppy-like playfighting that new lovers will. She pretended to berate him with clenched fists as he lovingly dodged her 'blows'. I felt quite lonely to see their happiness.

It would be impolite to leave Lydiatt House before the morning, so I have another tedious evening ahead of me, with the full complement of Cornbenches for company.

I have witnessed true and unashamed love this morning and am still without a butler!

Changing Rooms

2009-10-24T16:41:00.002+01:00

Blindingham
July 10th 1853

Oh, how I have missed this place!

My beautiful home is very nearly ready for us to occupy again - my, how utterly transformed it is! The parts destroyed during that dreadful fire have been rebuilt and refurbished so that now the Queen herself would feel at home here. Truthfully, if she were ever to tire of travelling to the Isle of Wight for sanctuary I should be careful to expect a request to come here. Josiah's men have chosen such gorgeous wall coverings - silks and tapestries, each hand made with designs to reflect the theme of each room. I was delighted enough with the Japanese room, but was rendered speechless by the Byzantine decor in the restored banqueting rooms. I cannot wait to take up residence again - I shall have another ball and invite simply everyone to come and see how lucky I am to have such a tasteful and generous husband.

I know we have the Prudential to thank for all this - and Cook, I suppose, for without her crazed antics last year the fire would never have happened - but I admit I am overwhelmed by the amount of money Josiah has allowed for these refurbishments. I do not profess to understand every detail of the claim he made but we have ended up with a residence far more opulent than the one we had before. I shall not comment upon that to Josiah, of course, for I would not like him to think me ungrateful.

Despite my desperate wish to walk the landings as mistress of the Hall once more, I have actually had to fall upon the charity of the Cornbenches for this visit. Mrs Cornbench was more than welcoming when I wrote to her to say I was coming down for a few days. She would not hear of me staying at the Inn in the village and was kind enough to invite Josiah to come, too, but he has business to keep him in London. She is as thin and clinging as she ever was, but I can bear it in the interests of keeping my household together.

Tomorrow I am to meet Jennet and his stupid bride. I shall see at a glance whether this wedding is a necessary one and if it is not, I will do all I can to prevent it. I have no plan as yet, but I am sure that spending time at the Cornbenchs' dinner table this evening will lead me to devious plotting!

Resolve

2009-10-24T12:05:00.003+01:00

Sydney Walk
July 6th 1853

I have spent the morning remonstrating with Josiah. He is still amused by Villiers' obvious heartbreak and has refused flatly to apologise to him - I did not think my husband could be so cruel towards anyone in such pain, even when that person is a servant.

As if that were not vexing enough, Josiah is treating my concern about Villiers' departure as a trifle. He seems almost excited at the prospect of employing a new servant and says it is time for us to have a housekeeper instead of a butler! No-one in London runs a household without a butler, I will become a laughing stock.

I must do what I can to stop Villiers leaving - I shall pack a small case and travel to Blindingham myself if necessary.

Dread Wedlock

2009-09-14T17:15:00.007+01:00

Sydney Walk
July 5th 1853

Boo is such a wise and dear friend to me. I sat in her parlour for an hour this afternoon, with her doe eyed baby drooling into my skirts and LB giving orders to his toy soldiers in the corner. Boo looked so calm and happy even though I know she has the pressures of business at her shoulder all the time. I twiddled Angelina's fingers in my own as I poured out my woes to my friend.

I told her about Villiers' outburst and described the callous merriment with which Josiah greeted the news. I have been beside myself with fear at the thought of Villiers leaving and could not for one moment understand what Josiah found so amusing. I told Boo everything that had passed between us all. She - wise owl that she is - was silent throughout my story. When I had finished she said,

"Eff - has there been any news from the country?" At first I considered the possibility that she had not heard my tale and was simply offering a pleasantry. "What on earth does that have to do with it?" I asked her - a little curtly, I confess.

"Well, have you asked Villiers why he wishes to leave? Has he received distressing news from his family perhaps?" Bless Boo, I would never have thought of his own life outside my household. I felt almost ashamed.

I thought back to that morning's post and really could remember nothing arriving for Villiers' attention. In fact he had not been sent any personal communication for a long time, not since Cook stopped writing to him when they had to start strapping her to the bed in that hellhole in Horsham.

I told Boo,

"No, he had had no news. In fact the only letter we have had this whole nine days was that morning. It was a note to Josiah from Jennet back in Blindingham, asking us to allow him a day off in August so he can celebrate his wedding to that stupid child who used to work for us. You remember, Mrs Everdown's daughter - the one who could break a canteen of china just by looking at it. Josiah laughed and laughed at this thought. In fact now I think of it he made special efforts to find Villiers to tell him the news - not that he could speak for guffawing."

Boo took a little time to think about the picture I had painted for her. Then she said,

"Jennet is to marry a girl from the village? Why? Is she with child?"

"Boo! I have not the slightest knowledge or interest in her physical state. If she is to have a child I can only weep for its blighted future. Why are you bothering to ask about her, when it is Villiers and my imminent abandonment I have come to discuss?"

Boo wandered over to me, sweeping a few of LB's soldiers from their viewing station as she did so. He gave her a look of utter disdain and replaced his men to their positions. She took Angelina from me and rang for the wet nurse - I was grateful for this as the child's dribbling and squeaking had become quite tiresome. After the nurse had taken the baby, Boo sat next to me, took my hand and said calmly,

"My dearest Eff, you are such a booby sometimes. Surely you can see that Jennet's marriage is the cause of Villiers' distress?" I could see no such thing, I assured her. "Poor old Villiers was being made fun of by Josiah and couldn't bear it. If you wish him to stay in your employ your only hope is to beg your husband to atone for his behaviour."

I had another cup of tea and then came home, still a little confused as to why Jennet's nuptials should cause Villiers such pain.

And then of course I realised. My poor loyal servant must have been in love with that idiot all along!

That is why he encouraged us to give her mother a job and why he was angry when Josiah dismissed her for her incompetence. I can see it all now. Villiers loves that silly girl and cannot bear for Jennet to have her. I must see what I can do to prevent the wedding, if that will keep Villiers with us. Unless of course she is indeed in a predicament, in which case I must do all I can to force Josiah to act responsibly. As master of Blindingham he has a duty to care for the staff, past and present. I shall get straight to sorting the matter out to the satisfaction of all of us - I will not go on without Villiers and Josiah must see that I need reassurance that he will take the situation in hand.

So, Boo has proved her superiority in domestic affairs once more. She is a marvel and I am blessed in her friendship. I wish her life were mine in many ways, but I love her too dearly to wish my life were hers.

Agony Aunt

2009-09-14T08:04:00.002+01:00

Sydney Walk
July 4th 1853

My Dearest Boo

It seems so long since I last saw you! I understand that domestic bliss is a perfectly acceptable reason for social inactivity - please do not think I blame you for our distance. But it is true that domestic upheaval can have a similar effect and I so need to ask your advice!

Villiers has given notice to leave us and Josiah is refusing to ask him to stay. I am at my wits' end with the stubbornness of the males in my household. I simply cannot countenance life without Villiers. Please let me call upon you at your earliest convenience so that you can tell me what on earth I must do - you are so clever at knowing how to handle my husband.

Love to LB and A,

Yrs

E

High Dudgeon

2009-09-06T18:39:00.005+01:00

Sydney Walk
July 3rd 1853

The most dreadful thing has happened. I was sitting at my desk before lunch, preparing to write my household menu instructions for the week, when Villiers came barging in without knocking or coughing. I confess I have become a little lax in not insisting that he should wait to be admitted to the room, but still I was taken aback by the manner he chose to attract my attention.

He stood in the middle of my rug, waving his hands around his head and making mewing noises a little like those Dauncey makes when he has not been allowed outside for a while. I asked Villiers whatever the matter was and it was a good minute before he could compose himself to answer.

"I'm sorry Ma'am, but I cannot stay silent any longer!", he screeched. "It is more than a man should be asked to bear!" I reminded him gently that he was not addressing me as a man, but as my servant and told him to calm down and tell me what was causing such distress. As I watched him try to observe the correct protocol in his dealings with me, I thought of the scene I had witnessed in which he cast the Girl adrift with only her bags and her child for warmth. I have often remarked to Josiah that Villiers is something of a conundrum and this performance only served to convince me I am right.

"Ma'am" he started, a little less shrilly than before, "I have served you well for a good number of years, have I not?"

"You have, indeed, Villiers. Mr Hatherwick and I are most satisfied with your work."

"Thank you. Might I be allowed to assume that I should command some respect as a valued servant?"

He began to whimper again slightly, so I stood up from my chair and moved towards him. His hands flapped and he leapt back as if I had brandished a sword in his face.

"Ma'am! Please do not be angry with me! (I had shown not the slightest emotion at this point, believing that Villiers was conveying emotion enough for both of us) I am a loyal servant to you - more loyal than you know if Our Lord ever gives his account - but this is too much. Too much!"

"What is too much, Villiers? I have no idea what is distressing you so," I answered. "Please, contain yourself and give me some idea of what is going on."

When I said that, he snorted and smirked like a dog on a short leash.

"If ma'am had even the smallest notion of What is Going On, we should all be undone!" he cried. I remained outwardly calm but in truth was growing increasingly alarmed by this behaviour. Usually, Villiers' nervous excesses cannot be sustained for long, but he seemed set fair for a full attack. I motioned to him that he might wish to take a seat, noting to myself at the same time that I had never seen him seated in my presence. He was sensible enough, even in his heightened state, not to accept my offer.

"I think it best if I give notice to you now, Ma'am, of my intention to leave your employ at the earliest opportunity," he said eventually. "I hold you in high regard and have enjoyed serving you - not that my personal pleasure should be a matter for your concern."

Really, he was speaking in the most inappropriate manner. I did not think for a moment that he was serious but he carried on,

"I shall stay here until the end of this month to allow you sufficient time to seek a replacement for me. But if you have found none such by that time, I am afraid you shall have to carry on without your most loyal and hardworking manservant."

Before I had a chance to speak, he swept from my room, without closing the door. He has taken to leaving rooms without being dismissed but that was such a minor insubordination that I had never asked Josiah to reprimand him for it. I regretted that, as I watched him turn and rush away from me before I could find out what had caused the outburst.

I find myself quite distraught at the prospect of Villiers leaving us. Quite apart from my love and respect for Josiah, I have come to regard Villiers as the most reliable and stable presence in the Hatherwick household. I must demand that Josiah does not allow him to leave. Throughout the upheaval of the fire at Blindingham, the violence shown to Papa, the loss of my precious jewellery and the incompetence - or madness - of our other servants, Villiers has always given me good advice and constant, dutiful care. Despite his twittery and high drama, I have come to regard him as my rock.

Truth and Lies

2009-07-27T19:23:00.005+01:00

June 29th 1853
Sydney Walk

I am still shaking - though whether it is with emotion at hearing from Mama or anger at Josiah's attitude I cannot be sure. I have not sent word to Papa yet and, despite my resolve to say nothing of recent events to Josiah, I have been such a worry-piece that he could not help but notice. My attempts at dismissing his questions failed and I was forced to tell him exactly why I have been so distracted. I love my husband dearly and do not wish to be a cause of concern to him - it is my job to rid him of thoughts that may aggrieve him, after all. So when he demanded that I tell him what my 'obvious secret' was, I could not deny him.

Needless to say, he was not as excited by my news as I had hoped. After listening to me for a good few minutes he began to rage and storm about the room - I became quite concerned that Villiers would knock to see what was afoot. Josiah shouted about charlatans and crooks in such an agitated manner that I had to promise I would never go to Highgate again, not on any premise. He has forbidden me to discuss that evening with anyone - especially Papa - and was unnecessarily cruel in his assertion that I had been taken for an idiot by the lady I saw.

I suppose it is possible that I may have been the victim of a terrible hoax. Josiah seems surprisingly knowledgeable on the subject of extortion and fraud and I am lucky that he wishes to protect me - but I cannot think the woman to have been so devious. After all, she spoke to Mama - I heard her do so. No, I am sure my husband is mistaken. I shall visit this lady again - but I will wait until Josiah is back supping with the Cornbenches at Blindingham before I do.

To Highgate and Beyond

2009-05-17T18:04:00.003+01:00

Sydney Walk
June 26th 1853

I have heard from her! I have heard from my beautiful dear Mama!

Josiah returned from Blindingham this afternoon in a black mood - something to do with cement, I think he said - and instead of sitting at his knee all night listening to stories about the Hall, I went to a spiritualist meeting. He was incensed but could not stop me in my excitement. He said it was a lot of ungodly nonsense but I did not obey his wish that I should stay in. What a terrible wife I am! I begged Villiers to hurry with arranging the carriage so that my whirlwind of cloaks, shoes and kissing Dauncey goodbye was too much for Josiah's weary soul to overcome.

And I am glad that I defied my husband's expressed wishes, for this evening I have received messages from my own darling mother. She whose corporeal presence left this world fifteen years ago!

I had received a note from Mrs Hayden's representatives in England saying that she had returned to America almost immediately after the night Papa and I saw her. She had allowed for a heightened interest in her subject, though, and had authorised a number of persons here in London to carry out her work. I marvel at the capacity of so many people to speak to the dead - and how lucky we are that they should unearth such a talent just at the time so many of us should clamour for their services.

I was invited to a private meeting - 'reading' they called it, but there was no printed material on display (or else I should have spied an opportunity for the Press girls, I am certain). This 'reading' was held in an otherwise quite unremarkable house in Highgate, some way out of London. When I arrived I was shown into a curtained booth with a beautiful lamp on the table. The lamp gave off a darkened reddish glow and I sat for quite some time in solitude. I set to thinking, naturally, about whether Mama could see me and am such a silly that I even smoothed my hair in case she thought me unkempt from the journey.

After my wait, a lady entered the booth and came to sit opposite me. Heavens, but she was strange looking! She had a pale face, quite smooth for a woman who seemed to be as old as Mrs Doughty, but with dark eyes and cruelly thin lips. Her dress looked very much like the curtains she had just come through and put me in mind of something I might like to see at Blindingham but before I could think any further she grabbed my hand and addressed me,

"My child, you have suffered a loss, have you not?" she spoke in a faint voice, but one which I could clearly hear. I stayed silent.

"Have you, my dear, have you lost a loved one? I am sure that you have. I have someone here who wishes to speak to you."

I looked around me but could see no-one else.

"Who are you wishing to contact, child? Tell me."

I felt a little foolish but I answered her anyway,

"I should love to speak to Mama if I can," I whispered.

"Your Mama, you say?"

"Yes."

She closed her eyes and lifted her face to the ceiling, breathing in noisily as she did so. Then she said,

"Your Mama is here, child. She asks me to tell you she loves you,"

Oh! I set to sobbing almost straight away! Mama, to whom I had not spoken since childhood, was in the booth with me - I could not see her but I knew she was there! Oh, mama!

"Collect yourself, my dear, the spirits will not speak in the presence of such distress," she handed me a linen kerchief and I dried my eyes as best I could. The lady waited for me to become calm and then she said,

"You have much to say to your Mama, my dear, but I cannot keep her here for long. Tell me, what is it you would like your mother to help you understand?"

I had not thought of a question, so just said the first thing that came into my mind.

"Will Josiah be prosperous, Mama? And will I ever know the love of my own child, as you knew mine for you?" I held the kerchief tight in my hands.

"I am listening...yes....she is indeed a beauty.....very well, that is what I shall tell her." The lady was speaking but not to me - she was speaking to Mama. Soon, she lowered her face and looked at me,

"My child, your Mama is proud of you - she says you are as beautiful as she knew you would be. As for your husband , he will be all that you expect of him."

I was immediately comforted to hear that.

"And a child?" I asked.

"Yes.....what is that you say?.....as you wish." The lady looked directly into my watery eyes and said,

"Your Mama knows you will love any child that comes to you."

This was not quite the promise I had hoped for but I was so happy to be in Mama's presence that I did not feel it right to insist on any certainties.

Apparently, Mama faded quite soon after that exchange as the lady slumped alarmingly in her chair, declaring Mama had left her. No matter, I had heard from her and I was happy!

As I left the booth a maid held out a silver plate, into which I placed some coins in payment for the reading. I asked if I might be able to come back and speak again with Mama, and was assured that I could make an appointment whenever I wished. The next thing I knew, I was out in the Highgate air and climbing back into my carriage. I felt drained and fulfilled in equal measure - truly, it has been the most remarkable experience!

Josiah had retired by the time I got home, so I have not yet told him what transpired. Indeed, I may not go into detail with him until he shows himself to be a little more broad-minded on the matter. I will most definitely tell Papa, though, as soon as I can!

Loyalty card

2009-05-17T17:07:00.002+01:00

Sydney Walk
June 19th 1853

Oh Boo!

This is the shortest of notes, I want to ask when it would be convenient for me to come and visit. I am starved of your company - and of cuddles from LB and Angelina - but, really, I have a plan which requires your sober attention before I begin to put it into action!

I am free at any time. Josiah is still at the Hall making sure the workmen are not spending all day in the Inn, drinking the money we pay them. He is a hard task master, as you know, and without him I do believe not a brick would be laid from dawn to dusk.

Anyway, I absolutely must come to see you as soon as you will let me. Will you let me?

Effie x

Contact arrangements

2009-05-17T10:51:00.005+01:00

Sydney Walk
June 19th 1853

I wonder sometimes whether widowhood might not be preferable to abandonment. Josiah has written from Blindingham to say he is still required to oversee the building work. I have not seen him for three weeks and am going stupid with loneliness! I did send word back dutifully saying that of course he must do as he sees fit and that I am sure his presence is vital to the success of the refurbishment plans, but in truth I cannot see what benefit he is to those workmen at the moment. He is a planner and a thinker whose skill lies in enterprise, not labour.

But I must not appear shrewish in my letters to him. The darling man is making our future more secure, bless him. I only worry about his comfort - he needs good food and a warm bed at night, as any man does. I do not think Mrs Cornbench a substitute for a loving wife, although I am sure she is enough for Mr Cornbench.

I shall no longer fill this journal with lamentable pining for my husband! He will be home before I know it and besides I have a new activity to occupy myself. From now on I shall devote myself to nurturing Papa's relationship with Mrs Doughty. I have a mind to write Mrs Hayden, if she is still in the country, to see whether she might be willing to meet me in private. If she is open to the idea, I shall ask her to concentrate her powers on me and my departed - I should dearly love to know Mama's thoughts and will do all I can to carry out her ethereal wishes.

So when Josiah does return from the Hall, and from Mrs Cornbench's pinched ministrations, he shall find in me a much more spiritual and understanding woman. It will do me no harm to remind him what a wife he has in me!

Gooseberry Fool

2009-04-24T17:21:00.005+01:00

Sydney Walk
June 17th 1853

I fear my confidence regarding Papa's happiness may be misplaced. He has developed a small obsession with Mrs Doughty which it has become my duty to manage. Ever since that astonishing evening in the Octagon Rooms he has insisted that I procure a meeting with Mrs Doughty at her earliest convenience. He talks of little else but her ability to satisfy his needs - quite what those needs might be I am not sure but he is adamant they must be met. I tried to tell him that she is not a woman who takes a man's needs much into consideration, but he gave me a pitying look and told me she was better equipped for such a task than I thought. Quite what he meant by that I could not deduce. He has mentioned in the past that his dealings with her have been most satisfying so she clearly holds some fascination for him.

I had been wondering why he should be so keen to transact his business with Mrs Doughty - he is most definitely unaware of her antipathy towards the male sex - and after some careful thought, the answer came to me. It is Mama, speaking to him through Mrs Hayden! Mama wants him to marry Mrs Doughty, thus providing him with a redoubtable wife and me with a mother as well as a friend. God Bless Mama and Mrs Hayden!

I am as excited as a new lamb and have invited Mrs Doughty to tea with us. I have tried to give her some prior notice of his intentions, such as I understand them. I feel unqualified to chaperone either of them but cannot bear the thought of her spurning his affection and causing him heart pain. I could not stand to see Papa rejected by such a fine person - and I know Mama will be watching us all with whatever anticipation is manifest in the disembodied. Oh, I could almost wish I had never challenged him to find us some new entertainment - and more so than that, I wish Josiah were here to tell me what I should do!

Four warnings

2009-04-24T17:02:00.006+01:00

Sydney Walk
June 17th 1853

My Dear Mrs Doughty

I trust this letter finds you in good spirits. My reason for sending this note is to enquire whether you might like to join my Papa and me for afternoon day one day next week? I am normally 'at home' on Wednesdays, as you know, but I have recently been spending a good deal of time with Papa and he has expressed a particular wish to see you. He is a man of propriety, which is why the invitation is reaches you from my hand, not his, but I do wish to stress that he is most keen to further your acquaintance. I rather think he may be hatching an entrepreneurial proposition about which he would welcome your advice.

I know that you have met with Papa privately on previous occasions and that you and he are of a mind on many of the important issues of the day. Please do not be alarmed, therefore, if he begins to discuss a new avenue of thought with you. He has become somewhat enamoured of the fashion for communication with those who have gone before. He and I were present when Mrs Maria Hayden spoke recently in Chelsea. Really, she is a quite remarkable woman. She spoke normally for a good few minutes - just as I would speak to you - and then she became overwhelmed by voices from those we have lost. I could not possibly convey the feelings she aroused in me in this note, Mrs Doughty, nor will I try to. But it is enough for now to say that Papa was quite taken with the notion that the dead can alert us to our fate.

I write this simply to prepare you, Mrs Doughty, for what may seem at first to be the frailty of a decent man. I do hope you will not dismiss Papa if he grows vague whilst you talk to him - he has begun to fancy that he can hear my long past Mama and that she is tending to him in death as she did in life. I should be sorry if a woman of your compassion could not find it in herself to tolerate a good man's foibles. Tuesday would be best for us, if you are free - do send word as soon as you can.

Yours

Euphemia Hatherwick

Mentalism

2009-04-16T12:30:00.002+01:00

Sydney Walk
June 10th 1853

Josiah is still in Blindingham and I must confess I am becoming weary of my own company. I fill my mornings well enough, what with dressing and entertaining Dauncey, but I find the late afternoons to be a time of dull reflection. Without Josiah to fuss over and plan meals for I find myself alarmingly unoccupied. I have resolved never to complain of being overworked by wifehood again!

I am to send funds down to Josiah so that he may entreat the builders to start work immediately. It seems they do not carry a stock of building materials, but must purchase them anew with each commission. I wonder that a man without his own tools may call himself a builder at all, but shall say nothing and send the money straight away - I am nearer to the completion of my own domestic plans and must concentrate on them.

Papa has done as I asked and found a fascinating new entertainment for us to enjoy. It is not something I have any notion of as yet so I am very excited to see what the evening will hold. Papa is sending a carriage for me and we are to go to the Octagon Rooms in Chelsea to witness a lady called Mrs Maria Hayden, who is presenting a talk on her experiences of communing with the dead. I simply cannot comprehend how this is possible, but it seems she is able to hear voices from beyond the grave. I pride myself on my open minded approach to new experiences and shall accompany Papa with great anticipation. Indeed, whether Mrs Hayden is a fraud or an occultist will be of the utmost fascination for me - and we may even find out how Mama is faring up in Heaven!

Alone again, naturally.

2009-04-11T13:44:00.004+01:00

Sydney Walk
June 4th 1853

Josiah has been called back to Blindingham. There is some building work he is anxious to oversee - my opinion of the external elevation of the Hall is apparently not required. I have been instructed to stay in London and keep planning the interior decor, but shall take the opportunity of being set temporarily free of my wifely duties to concentrate on my business enterprise. I am sure Mrs Cornbench will provide ample substitution for a few days.

I will take the poetry books to the Press for Papa and will remind him that I am waiting to hear where he will take me for the evening. Dauncey and I have spent the afternoon eating snacks, so we are both a little fuller than we should be this close to suppertime. I have allowed the cook to go off for the evening, since my stomach is not so needy as Josiah's is after a day's work.

Before I retire tonight I will give my initial drawings and ideas book to Villiers to see whether he can suggest any soft furnishings I have not yet considered. I am very excited and often cannot sleep when Josiah is away. Mrs Doughty - who has slept alone since the day she was born by her account - assures me that a camomile preparation should help. I wonder if the cook has already gone out?

High Performance

2009-04-10T14:30:00.005+01:00

Sydney Walk
June 2nd 1853

I have had such fun at poor Papa's expense! As I sat with him drinking tea and making a good effort to eat some of the biscuits Constance had presented, I could not help but tease him with vague references to the secret Boo had shared with me. I was much relieved by her reassurance and could barely conceal my amusement - I do not think he quite knew how to respond to me.

"Papa!" I said, happily, "How glad I am to see you looking so well. After what happened yesterday, I was......"

"Let us not speak of yesterday, Euphemia! " He put up his hand and reddenend slightly, "Much as it pains me to say it, I wish to hear news of Josiah, or Cook, or anyone you have had dealings with of late. What of your cat, is he quite grown up now?"

Papa never asks about Josiah, so I knew he was anxious to change the subject. I was in no mind to let him off so lightly, though.

"I will tell you everything that has happened since we last spoke, Papa, of course I will. You must act as though you are interested, though. I know my life is too silly for you to concentrate on but I insist you at least make a show of listening to me."

"Effie, my own dearest child - how can you think me disinterested in your doings? Who else should I care to listen to if not my own flesh and blood?" Papa looked most affronted by my words, but I pressed on.

"Papa you are very convincing - I almost believe you," I smiled at him, "But you have an intelligent mind - far more so than mine will ever be - and I cannot think you anything other than bored by my prattling. However, I must commend you on your artifice. You should be on the stage!"

I laughed so much at my joke that some biscuit crumbs became lodged in my throat and I succumbed to a violent fit of coughing. I have not seen Papa so alarmed in a long time - not since Josiah came to Wentworth that first time if I am to be quite truthful - and I was unsure whether his distress was caused by my inability to breathe or his fear of being found out. Whichever it was , I composed myself and went on to tell him all my news. Bless him, he did try to feign interest - he is indeed a better actor than I would have thought.

I spent a happy hour or two with him and then took my leave. As he showed me to the landing and thence to Constance's open front door I could not resist one last tease.

"We must go out into Town soon, Papa," I said, " I should so like to spend an evening in your company."

"That is a very attractive prospect my dear," he answered, "Do you have a destination or particular activity in mind?"

"I should enjoy a trip to Drury Lane and to see a play at the theatre, Papa," I offered, then paused ever so slightly before carrying on, "But I know how much you dislike pretence and showmanship. I know that a man with your intellectual depth will never enjoy an evening in the presence of a lot of silly actors." I began to laugh again and he rushed forward to prevent another respiratory attack, "No I will wait for you to choose something more edifying for us to do. Goodbye, Papa!"

And I swept out! I must tell Boo - I am sure she will be cross with me for playing my game but I do not care. I am so happy that he is not in need of nursing, as I feared, that she could not quell my spirit for long.

I did promise Papa that I would pass on his good wishes to Mrs Doughty - he seems to hold her in good esteem - and he even gave me a donation to pass on directly to the girls at the Press. He is convinced they do not have enough to occupy them in their leisure hours - not that they have many of those - so he entreated me to provide them with some reading material. I said I thought they had enough reading to do all day what with the publications they produce but he said that was different and he wished them to become acquainted with the works of poets such as Shelley and Keats. I shall indulge his wish, bless him; it is not much to ask.

Ways of Seeing

2009-04-06T22:35:00.003+01:00

Sydney Walk
May 31st 1853

May the Lord bless and save Boo - she is such a good friend to me. After my letter yesterday in which I spilt all my fears about Papa's state of mind she found the time in the midst of her maternal whirl to send me words of comfort. I had been pacing the hall downstairs, as she knew I would, with Dauncey skipping about fit to trip me over. A boy arrived not four hours after I had written to her, with a note which has set my heart at rest.

She wrote,

Oh, Eff you ninny! Do not worry so. Your Papa is made of stronger stuff than you imagine. I can quite see why your experience at his house today has put you in mind of some mental weakness to which he may fall prey. But Eff, with all the faith you have in my judgement, please trust that he will not. George is a most unusual man and one whose character and opinion I have always held in the highest regard. He simply would not allow his mind to reel in the manner you so fear.

As for the unprepared state you found him in when you called - what, do you think he must sit at his desk waiting for you to visit, wearing his day clothes and fully coiffured? You yourself have said that you have not seen him or spoken to him for a good two months. Is he to sit in aspic until you do? No, he can and should indulge himself in any way he sees fit to pass the time.

I know something about your Papa that you do not, Effie, and now is the time for me to tell you. Your own thoughts cast about so wildly for explanations that I cannot allow you to suffer another minute in this misapprehension that George has run mad. Not at all. What he does to fill his days, and which he is, in truth, a little shy to disclose to you is this - he has become fond of theatricals, the kind performed by enthusiasts for their own entertainment, and that of others I'll grant. What you stumbled upon this morning was him in full flight, rehearsing a scene for a play!

I know this because he has in the past conferred with Bradstone about such matters as what drives a man to action and how his innermost feelings may be conveyed convincingly to a watching crowd. Eff, your Papa is an actor.

You must not ever tell him I have said this to you. He is biding his time until he is fit to give a performance of which you could be proud and will most likely present you with a Chelsea Players' playbill before long. When he does, you must feign surprise or else his plan will be thwarted. I have only told you this to set your mind at ease, Eff. Your imagination is remarkable, my dear, but bound to cause you heartache on occasion so I am here to help temper its excesses.

Say nothing of this note and under no circumstances ask Josiah to invite your Papa to live with you - that is where the madness lies, if anywhere! We need George in good health, with his faculties intact and still the master of his own resources - that is how we know and love him, is it not?

Bx

Oh, I am so relieved! I shall be able to go to tea tomorrow with a lightened heart. Heavens I may even be able to tease him a little. How blessed I am to have Boo.

Single Occupancy

2009-04-05T21:51:00.008+01:00

Sydney Walk
May 30th 1853

Darling Boo

I do not wish to impose on your precious time with the new one, sweet kitten that she is, but my mind is sore with sadness about Papa. I know you love him almost as much as I do and it is for that reason I shall lay out in this letter details of my visit to him this morning. You may be able to make more sense of the exchange than I have yet managed.

I went to his house without first sending word that I was coming. I usually send a boy to announce my arrival, as you know, but I have been terribly ill recently and was not thinking with my customary foresight. As I rang the street door bell I felt a little nervous about what reception awaited me - since the fire I have hardly spoken twenty words with him. I have been much occupied with finding Cook and making plans for the rebuilding of the Hall and had quite forgot my duty to him as a daughter. I would have forgiven him if he had no wish to welcome me in unnanounced.

But as the maid began to show me up to his study, I heard him calling out. I could not decipher the words but he was most definitely in some degree of distress. I was alarmed, naturally, and even more so when the maid stopped on the stair ahead of me, turned abruptly and said,

"I'm ever so sorry Madam, I shouldn't have shown you up without knocking on his door. I'm under strict instructions never to open a door without him knowing. Please don't tell him what a silly mistake I have made!" As she said this she made as if to bustle me back down to the hall, all the while with Papa shouting from the other side of his study door!

"Do not push me downstairs, you silly child!" I said, crossly. In truth it is becoming impossible to find servants with the sense of a newborn babe of late. Quite where Papa found this one, I dare not guess. "My father obviously needs assistance and if you won't go to him, I shall!"

She stood aside to let me carry on up the stairs. Her face was a picture of terror and she tried to protest again but I paid her no heed. I ran to Papa's door and turned the handle but he must have locked himself in, the goose. He need protect himself from no-one in his own home in broad daylight, even in this ungodly city. His cries had died down by now, so I called out to him,

"Papa! It is me, Effie - can you let me in? Are you able to get to the door, or have you fallen? What has happened to make you cry out so?"

There was no answer from him, save for some sounds I could not quite understand - I heard a chair being moved, I think, and he must have been lying on his daybed because I heard the springs creak. I was frantic with worry that he was not able to speak or move.

"Papa! Please - are you alright? Shall I send for someone to help you up?"

The door flew open and there was Papa, with his necktie undone and his hair not brushed. This was not usual for him, he is always dressed for the day by dawn and now it was nearly 12 o'clock.

"Effie!" he shouted "I hear no word from you for nearly two months and now you are hammering my study door down - what on earth do you want?" He was quite crazy, Boo, I have never seen him so flushed and breathless.

"I am sorry, Papa - it is precisely because of my inexcusable absence that I am here now in such a rush to see you. I know I have not been a good daughter to you of late. You see, there was the most dreadful fire at the Hall and no-one knew where Cook was, so Josiah and I..."

"Please, Effie, not now. I am engaged in important business and am in no mood to be disturbed. Why did you not send a note to say you were coming?"

"I forgot, Papa - I have had the most dreadful.."

"No matter! I cannot hear your tales now. I will have tea with you tomorrow, if you still wish to tell me your news. For the moment, though, you must let Constance see you out." And then he just shut the door!

So although I have learned that his maid is called Constance - which is a name ill-befitting one who showed such indecision in her dealings with me - I know nothing about his welfare and am not likely to until tomorrow.

Boo, what does this behaviour signify? Why was he shouting, and why so dishevelled in the middle of the day? Why, having seen me come to visit, did he shoo me away like a dog?

I dare not commit my fears to paper, but am concerned that his living alone since Mama passed has driven him witless. And my neglect of him has left his mind free to unravel. I am such a dreadful woman - I have allowed my own problems to obscure the obvious need my father has for his daughter's attention.

I shall wait for your answer, Boo - you know Papa, please tell me what you think of the events of today. I must be forewarned before seeing him tomorrow. And I must think about asking Josiah if Papa can come to live with us. Must I not?

Ex

A musing

2009-04-03T16:56:00.004+01:00

Sydney Walk
May 25th 1853

At last, I have set eyes on Boo's new baby. She looks exactly like a walnut to me, but Boo assures me she is beautiful and so she must be. As soon as I saw her I was brought to tears, wondering if I shall ever have such a bundle of my own. As I gazed down at her on Boo's lap I thought of Josiah and yearned for a tiny, living image of him to dandle and fuddle with.

I wonder if my fever has not entirely left me.

Villiers seems to be concerned for my well-being. Every time I turn around I find him watching me as one might regard a tottering child near a pond. I have not spoken to him about the Girl or the child, though I am sure he expects me to at any moment. I am saddened by my discovery of his cruelty, but he is far too good a butler for me to lose him over a servant girl. I had not thought him capable of such brutish sentiment, not when he is so meticulous in domestic matters. I wish my eyes had not been opened to his maleness.

Still, I must not let such petty disappointments spoil my plans. I want to take more of a role in the Press now that Boo has a use for both her hands, so I shall call upon Mrs Doughty before the week is over. And I must dine with Papa, for I have been woefully inattentive of him since the fire. If I am not to have a child, or a butler with more than half a heart, I can still be a dutiful wife and daughter. Those qualities are as yet still within my power.

Plea

2009-03-29T11:30:00.006+01:00

Sydney Walk
May 20th 1853

Darling Boo

I have been most dreadfully ill. After your card arrived with the joyous news of your safe delivery I had intended to visit you and your baby at the earliest possible moment, but that very afternoon I was struck with a terrible fever and have only just left my bed to come and write to you. Please forgive me, I know you will!

How is your beautiful baby girl, Angelina? Is she just like you, I am sure she is and cannot wait a moment longer to see her. I will ensure that I am fully recovered, though, before I come to gaze at her.

Josiah has been very attentive during my illness. He is a sweet lamb and I am very lucky. He came to my room on the first morning and told me he would oversee the running of the house until I was able to resume my position, the darling. I did not see Villiers or the maid once throughout my recovery, because Josiah undertook to give them all their instructions. I told Josiah that I did not wish him to contract the same fever so he did as I requested and left me alone. I have had several days of peace in which to get myself well again - there are many wives who would not have been given such luxury, I know.

I have knitted some mittens for your baby, Boo, just as I did for her brother, who must seem like a proper man to you now. Please tell me when I can come to visit - I cannot bear to think of her snuggling and cooing without her Aunt Effie to kiss her. I read your card but was unsure whether the arrangements included your closest friend,

E x

Overlooked

2009-03-14T22:11:00.004Z

Sydney Walk
May 13th 1853

Boo sent us the birth announcement card this morning. It read,

Mr and Mrs Bradstone Pitt of Chelsea, London are proud to announce the safe and welcome arrival of their newest baby daughter. She is to be called Angelina Vivienne and will become the perfect younger sister to her brother Bradstone.

Together with some tedious information about when well-wishers can go to visit them, the details of which I cannot recall just at this moment.

I am most hurt and can only believe that Boo was in some form of post-puerperal stupor which rendered her incapable of choosing the names herself. Mr Pitt must have undertaken the task.

Why else would the baby be named Angelina - not Euphemia?

Epiphany

2009-03-12T19:42:00.002Z

Sydney Walk
May 11th 1853

May the Lord preserve me from such troublesome times!

Yesterday, I witnessed a scene of such distress and violence that I hardly think those involved were human. I saw Villiers leave from the servants' outside door and go striding down the street as though he were being chased by bears - I followed, but could hardly keep up with his route, since I had left the house in a degree of haste and had not had time to have my boots laced. I was wearing my house shoes, which could never be described as robust even by the man who made them.

I hobbled along in Villiers' wake, not caring to notice where we were going, until we arrived at a corner I recognised. My heart turned as I saw that we were in the vicinity of Brunswick Square, our winter residence last year, and at the very spot where I had seen the Girl and her child from my window!

I rested a while, easing my poor feet, while Villiers marched out of sight. I wanted nothing more than to go home and spend a quiet morning with Dauncey but I felt compelled to see what it was that Josiah had told him to do - what task had so angered him - so after a few minutes I continued my steps.

As I reached the turn I had seen him take, I beheld a sight I could never have conjured up in the most frenzied ravings of the hottest fever. Villiers was standing at the top of a flight of steps, with his arms akimbo across the front door of a drab-looking but respectable house. At the foot of those steps was a heap of rags and baggage - and the prone figure of the Girl.

I walked a little further towards this scene, but was too afraid to make my presence known. I had not the faintest notion of what was happening, save for the obvious. Villiers was preventing the Girl from entering the house. But why?

"Mr Villiers, I am begging you - please do not do this to us. What am I to do - where will we go?" She was crying, and scraping the ground to collect her belongings together. "All I asked for was what is due to Jojo and me. Please, Mr Villiers, you know my situation - surely you can take pity on me and the boy?" I could now make out that part of what I had thought was just rags was actually a small child. The child was silent, staring intently at the Girl but otherwise showing nothing of what he felt.

Villiers began to lock the door and descend the steps. He had not spoken at all whilst I had been watching but now, quietly, he addressed the Girl.

"I have no choice, none at all," he said "You must make your way to the gentleman you are to marry and trust that he will give you shelter. I shall call for a carriage to take you to wherever he is - that is more than I need to do, but I am sorry for you." He put the house keys into his pocket and glanced around for someone he could send to find transport. That is when he saw me.

As our eyes met I could hide my presence no longer so I approached - as I did so, the Girl followed Villiers' gaze and as she saw me she screamed,

"You! You have come here to watch me in my destitution! Mrs Hatherwick, I have served you well, I do not deserve for you to gloat over my misfortune." She looked at Villiers as if to accuse him of double duplicity - evicting her from her home and inviting me to be the witness of her downfall.

I was about to dispute the notion that she had been a good servant - she had in truth been sullen and tearful throughout her time in service with us. But seeing her evident distress and shame, I felt it would be wrong to take her to task for her delusion. I said nothing, but I walked forward and gestured that I would help her stand if she would give me her hand. It is always better to be magnanimous towards subordinates, I have found - it costs little and cuts their whining short.

"Madam," Villiers addressed me with a strength not usually to be found in him, "I do not know why you are here. I can hardly think this scene is one you will enjoy - it is best you return to Sydney Walk forthwith."

"Thank you for your concern, Villiers, but I am perfectly capable of deciding my own actions. I wish to know why you are preventing them from enetering their home." The Girl began to cry again at this, and started raving at us both.

"It is not my home any more, you have seen to that! I have no home! Go away both of you, we do not need you or your charity - I only want what I am owed!"

"But what of the gentleman who lived here with you?," I asked her, "The friend of my husband for whom you were working - is he dead?" Perhaps my instinct had been right after all.

The moment I asked that question, the Girl shouted a great scornful sneer, while Villiers ran to her with his hands outstretched, as if to stifle her mouth.

"Ha! Dead? He is as good as dead, Ma'am," she scoffed, "At least he is dead to me and this poor boy!" She picked up the child, who clung to her but still made no sound.

"Madam, please turn and go back at once. There is really no cause for you to remain here," said Villiers. He turned back to the girl and passed some money into her pockets. "Take what I am giving you here and go to your intended - go now." He seemed not a little affected by the scene and was clearly fighting to control himself - he did not squeak, or flap, or perform any of his usual dances when agitated. It occurred to me that I had never seen him so controlled.

The Girl counted the money Villiers had given her, then collected her belongings and set off away from us, carrying that silent boy on her hip.

Villiers' face was a picture of torment as he moved towards me with a sweeping gesture, as if to wipe the previous fifteen minutes from memory. I walked ahead of him, not wishing for his company.

I had for some years come to hold Villiers in high regard but this morning had begun to shed light on some of his behaviour that had been of concern to me. As I walked back to our rooms, I began to make sense of it.

The conclusion I arrived at was shocking to me.

He is often out of the house at night - all night - something which none of the other servants were wont to do. After the Girl first left our employ, he would smirk and giggle whenever she was mentioned as if he knew something about her that I did not. His lack of concern for LB when he was charged with protecting him.

Villiers had got the Girl with child back at Blindingham. He had caused her to be dismissed and set her up in an apartment in London - where he had been living with her as man and wife! And now she has betrayed him with another man - a man she is free to marry - so Villiers has cast her out in a fit of jealousy.

His argument with Josiah can only have been because Josiah wished Villiers to take the Girl the money she had asked from him and Villiers thought she was not deserving of it.

How could I not have seen this before? How could all this have gone on under my roof and left me in all ignorance?

Hiatus

2009-03-12T06:43:00.007Z

Sydney Walk
May 10th 1853

I had fully intended to take matters into my own hands this morning, after Josiah spoke sharply to Villiers again at breakfast. I was planning to ensure that the servants were all out or occupied so that they would not be witness to an angry exchange between husband and wife - I pride myself on having ensured throughout our marriage that Josiah and I have hardly had a cross word and any we have spoken have been entirely in private. I had left a note for Villiers instructing him to go shopping for the wherewithal for me to knit something for Boo's girl, and I knew the kitchen staff would be going to the markets.

As I approached Josiah's dressing room door - which was closed as usual and most probably locked - I could hear voices. Josiah was talking urgently to Villiers. They were both trying their best to whisper, but, being men, were unable to stay quiet for long.

"God damn you, man!" I heard my husband say. I could tell he was speaking through his teeth, which always makes him spit a little. I hoped for the sake of the laundry staff that he had already removed the silk jacket he had been wearing.

"Sir, please do not involve me any further - I am a faithful butler to you, you cannot gainsay me there - but I do not wish to carry out your instructions on this matter." Villers was pleading in his whiny way, but I could tell he was determined.

"You will do as I ask!"

"I will not!"

"You most certainly will!"

"Do not ask it of me!"

They argued this way like grown schoolboys for a minute or two, before falling into an enraged silence. Then I heard Villiers say,

"Very well, sir - as you are my master I must do your bidding. But I wish you to know that I object most strongly to your instruction. There is a child's welfare involved here, Sir. A child whose happiness should surely be of concern to you."

"Damn you, Villiers! You will not speak to me again about that child, except to tell me when he and his wretched, grasping mother have left that house. Now get out of my sight and go do as you have been ordered!"

This sounded quite final and I did not wish to be caught listening, so I rushed to my own room and stood where I could not be seen from the landing. Villiers threw the dressing room door open and - with a noise which was neither a sob, nor a roar but something in between - hurled himself down the stairs and through to the servants' quarters. My good intention to approach Josiah deserted me momentarily, as the door was slammed shut and immediately locked again.

Villiers was clearly about to go out to perform a task for Josiah - one which he was extremely reluctant to undertake. I reasoned that he would not want at the same time to be burdened with a choice of wools, so I moved as quickly as I could to retrieve the note I had left for him. It was at that moment I decided to follow him.

Delivery

2009-03-11T08:09:00.004Z

Sydney Walk
May 9th 1853

Boo has had her baby. A ruddy-faced boy arrived at our front door carrying a note from Mr Pitt, telling me that Boo had been safely delivered of a beautiful girl (my heart did twist a little, I must confess, at the thought of having a girl baby to play with). They have not named her yet but the note said Boo was keen for Josiah and me to know of the birth before the announcement cards are sent.

I feel privileged to be so close to Boo and her family that we should receive such special attention.

A girl! A baby sister for LB to look after. When he was born I straight away sent some mittens or boots or somesuch knitted finery - I have neglected to prepare for this arrival in the same way, so shall send Villiers out for wool this morning and set about making something. I would go, since I love nothing better than a reason to visit shops, but Dauncey is not quite himself and I am loath to leave him. Besides, Villiers has a better eye than I have for fabrics and colours. He will be in his element when we come to redesign the interiors of the Hall.

Giving the game away

2009-03-08T18:10:00.005Z

Sydney Walk
May 7th 1853

Is there any other wife in the land who has as much to endure as I have? I do not think that even in the company of the worldliest of women I could describe the events of the past day. My powers of deduction have been put to great use and my tolerance has been tested beyond all measure. I have once again determined that should my services as a wife and businesswoman be no longer required I shall present myself to the constabulary and find employment there. That would be preferable to the vexations of being a Lady with servants. The most outrageous demands are being put on me and I am at a loss as to what I am supposed to do next.

The Girl has found someone stupid enough to marry her - and she believes Josiah should present her with a dowry!

I found her crumpled and misspelt note in the deepest pocket of his silk night jacket - it has clearly been read a number of times, possibly thrown in the grate and retrieved, then used to clean his shoes for all I know. I read it and replaced it in the blink of an eye while Josiah was downstairs shouting at the postboy. I shall reproduce it now,

Josiah ( how dare she address him thus!)

I have had no word from you for days (why would she?) so am reduced to contacting you like this. I shall bring this letter to your door before daybreak so that your wife need have no sight of it. (Well it is some blessing, I suppose, that she is mindful enough of my feelings not to bore me with her goings on). The simple fact is that I can no longer survive as I have been and you should not expect me to. I must put food on the table for Jojo and myself. You have not been of any help to us for a long time now (since I insisted her wages should not come from us any more, I expect. The avaricious madam - was her income from the gentleman she worked for not enough?) so I have taken action to protect myself and the child.

I have accepted an offer of matrimony from a gentleman I met whilst walking Jojo in the park. (Goodness me! I walk in the park, too but have never been proposed to whilst doing so) I do care for him but mainly he has a good income. Jojo and I will be well looked after. I know his welfare is still important to you even if mine is not. (I did not understand this part, but she has always been prone to self pity so I assume it is nothing more than that. I well remember the snivelling and wailing she indulged in at Blindingham and during our first season in town)

My reason for writing is to ask you for a sum of money - enough to make it worth the gentleman's while taking us on. I will leave the exact amount to you to decide but do not leave it long before you get the money to me (the effrontery of the woman!) We plan to be wed by the Summer. You do not have to come to the wedding of course but you would be welcome, Jojo does ask after you (does he? Why?)

Send word straight away,

C

This familiar way of signing letters is abhorrent but I should not expect more of someone in her position.

So - we are being asked to fund her and her idiot child so that a man who should know better can
justify her hand in marriage. What on earth does any of this have to do with us - we have not been her employers for a year at least. Has she no other family?

No wonder Josiah is so incensed. He is an honourable man who will wish to recognise the service the Girl gave us for all those years, but not with a gift of money at a time when we need all that we have at our disposal to rebuild the Hall. He must be worried about how to accede to the spirit of her request without financial inconvenience to us. And he is obviously anxious to protect me from this knowledge, having realised - correctly - that my first instinct would be to deny her and her child anything they asked.

I shall have to devise a way to help Josiah through this without letting him know that I have found and read her note. I say again, my powers of detection, deduction and discretion are second to none!

Discovery

2009-03-08T18:07:00.001Z

Mission statement

2009-03-07T17:06:00.007Z

Sydney Walk
May 4th 1853

Boo has proved to be the trustworthy companion I always knew she was. I rushed to see her earlier today, with much on my mind to discuss with her. I could not put up with Josiah's ranting any more and was in sore need of a friendly ear - I know Boo does not hold Josiah in high regard but am not disposed to display much wifely loyalty to him of late. His mood since we returned from Blindingham has become blacker by the day. I have tried my very best to support him and help soothe whatever it is that is troubling him but he will have none of my ministrations, preferring instead to barge about the place and bark at the staff. I could bear that, I suppose, but I shall not be spoken to like that myself. So when he began to turn his dark demeanour towards me, I fled for the sanctuary of Boo's bosom (which is prodigious at the moment, I could hardly keep from staring at it).

I told Boo how struck with terror we all are when Josiah is at home at present - Villiers has taken to whimpering whenever he hears a door opening and the woman who cooks for us can be heard weeping throughout the day. Really, it is more than I should have to bear! Boo agreed with me and was anxious to connect Josiah's behaviour with the contents of that note from the Girl. I had not thought to assume his friend's death was still at the root of Josiah's bear-headedness - Boo thought that unlikely, too. It occurred to me that I was not actually sure that the note had indeed contained the sad news I envisaged. Boo stifled another one of her looks and urged me to try and ascertain the contents of the note - she is sure that it does not bear the news I had imagined.

We had a fine afternoon and a new form of sweet bread made with coconut - I think it was mixed with milk or somesuch but whatever it was was divine - and now I am back in our rooms, determined to search Josiah's things to find that note. Whatever news it does in fact contain, I shall be prepared and will make Josiah aware that I understand - but do not condone - his subsequent behaviour. He is a silly man for not trusting me with it in the first instance. I am his wife - what am I for, if not to tend to him and ease his pain?

Urgency

2009-03-07T12:14:00.004Z

Sydney Walk
May 4th 1853

Dearest Boo

I am sorry to burden you with my troubles when you have so much to occupy your thoughts at this time, but I absolutely must speak and there is no other person on this good earth that I trust more than you. I know that what I tell you will stay with you and not reach the ears of any other living soul, save for the whisperings you may make to your unborn child. I fear, however, such actions may taint the pure innocence of that child - should it understand you.

My duty as a wife prevents me from writing any more here. I simply must see you at your earliest convenience. I shall tell the boy to wait for your instruction,

Soonest,

E x

Outburst

2009-03-05T17:00:00.003Z

Sydney Walk
May 2nd 1853

Josiah is not himself, I am sorry to record. I shall not write much at the moment as he is downstairs and in one of the darkest tempers I have seen. I do not know what has caused this particular bout of anger, but I must do all I can to calm him. He spoke so sharply to Villiers at breakfast that I had to intervene. Villiers is in the servants' kitchen now, crying, and I have only come up to my rooms to look for smelling salts. I hope this mood does not last, as I have asked Papa to come for supper. I shall see what this afternoon brings before deciding whether or not to put him off from coming.

Part Exchange

2009-03-05T16:30:00.006Z

Sydney Walk
April 27th 1853

Boo is as big as a house. She was not that size when full with LB, I am sure - I asked her whether she was quite convinced it was just one child she might be carrying but this did not make her laugh as much as I thought it would. Poor lamb - I have never hidden my envy of her state of motherhood but if I am to be truthful it is a clean, dressed sweet-smelling child I hanker after, not the terrible burden and pain that must be endured to achieve it.

Still, Boo was much amused by my story of Cook and the village people and she is, as I hoped, full of ideas for the new decorations for the Hall. She did become a little distracted when I told her about the note Josiah had received from the Girl - asking me quite curtly why I had not opened it. After I had explained my utmost respect for the fact that it was not addressed to me, she gave me a very strange look which I can only imagine was caused by the temporary discomforts suffered by women in her condition. She cheered up very quickly though and took the Press funds I had brought with me. She locked them away immediately, even before Mrs Doughty had arrived for our business meeting.

After the three of us had spent a very sensible hour discussing the workings of the Press - it is a thriving enterprise, I am assured and one which is attracting clients in increasing numbers - Mrs Doughty took her leave of us with the swiftest of polite farewells. I think she is worried that we still hold her responsible for LB's recent injuries, but really she must not concern herself any further with that. I may have to send her a note to reassure her.

I asked Boo to tell me all her news - I was aware that I had taken up most of the time with news of my own, but she seemed unwilling to say much at all. She said she was tired, so I kissed her, what bit of her I could reach over her swollen form, and came back to Sydney Walk. I shall retire tonight very happy that my life is once again normal - full of the good wishes of my friends, the satisfaction of knowing I am contributing to a proper business venture and the love of a good man. To say nothing of the admiration I enjoy from my cat.

Resolve

2009-03-03T13:27:00.004Z

Sydney Walk
April 26th 1853

I am much relieved. Boo and I are friends again and we can carry on as we have done. Despite being cross with her for her silliness I am pleased it is now behind us. I cannot wait to see her and tell her all my news. She will have some ideas about the refurbishments I am sure, and she has such a good head for finance she will be invaluable in keeping my extravagance at bay.

The only shadow on my horizon now is that Dauncey appears not have forgiven me for my temporary desertion of him. He has not spent the night at the foot of my bed since we came back. I am informed that this is not unusual behaviour for a cat - Villiers was most amused by the haughtiness Dauncey displayed and was reminded, he says, of a cat that once belonged to his aunt. After a prolonged stay by the aunt in some remote part of the country, this cat refused to acknowledge her on her return and never snuffled her again despite living in her house for a good ten years more. I do not think Dauncey is so resolute, though, and I am sure he will come back to me after I have shown suitable remorse. Perhaps some milk might do the trick.

I am to visit Boo later on today - I am so keen to see her and to resume my duties as an employer at the Press that I shall take some funds with me as a gesture of goodwill. I shall hand Boo some banknotes without even waiting to be asked - that is how glad I am she has forgiven me!

Second post

2009-03-01T15:27:00.002Z

Rapprochement

2009-03-01T15:00:00.002Z

Sydney Walk
April 18th 1853

Dear Boo

Josiah and I are back in London. We have been much occupied with giving directions for the rebuilding of the Hall, making sure Cook is safe and other such activities and have only now returned to our winter residence.

My reason for writing to you Boo is entirely conciliatory. I am aware that you are approaching your confinement and would be sorry to miss your new baby simply because we had such a silly argument. Really, it seems so long ago now and so much has happened since (I have much to tell you if you are keen to hear it) that I hope we can put it behind us and carry on as the firm friends we so recently were.

I fancy we shall be staying up in Town for longer this year than we have done before. We cannot live in the Hall until it is entirely rebuilt and I wish to make myself available to you if you should need me to care for LB while you are getting to know your new little one. Also, I am woefully out of touch with the activities of the Press and have told Josiah that I do not wish to uproot myself again so soon. He is so enthusiastic about the rebuilding plans that he intends to go back regularly to Blindingham until the work is finished. It is fortunate, I suppose, that Mrs Cornbench has proved so accommodating - Josiah enjoys her company and that of her husband, even though I find him very drab.

I will not prattle on, Boo, until I know we are friends again. Please write back and say we are.

Yours

Effie

Quiet reassurance

2009-02-28T13:26:00.004Z

Lydiatt House
April 11th 1853

I have woken up exhausted from the trials of yesterday. After I took my leave of the woman from the village I went directly to the Post Mistress and asked her to send a message to Horsham that Cook is to be collected immediately in a secure vehicle. I do not think I have the strength to witness her departure, so shall have to comfort myself with the knowledge that I have done all that is in my power to help her. When Cook is safely strapped into her transport and away from Blindingham for sure, I shall send a basket of breads to the woman and her brother to thank them.

As I came back to Lydiatt in the afternoon I could hear strange sounds from somewhere on the upper landing. Having not the slightest interest in what the Cornbench children do to fill their days, I gave it no thought. But I was a little surprised, I must allow, to see Mrs Cornbench come scampering down the stairs, rather in the manner Dauncey uses when I have surprised him in the middle of an afternoon nap. I expect a cat to sleep as often as it can and in as many obscure crannies of the house he can find - so to find that Mrs Cornbench also seems to favour an afternoon rest in the attic (at least I assume that is where she was - the door to that part of the house was swinging open as she descended in a fluster to the hallway) was disconcerting.

I was just about to tell her my tale of Cook and the village woman when Josiah appeared from upstairs. Bless and save the man, he has been wrestling with his grief for days now and is spending a good deal of his time alone. I went to him but he is still so saddened that he could not quite bring himself to kiss me. I rather think his sensibilities are such that he is disinclined to be affectionate towards me in front of our hosts - Mrs Cornbench was close by, waiting to offer us tea I expect. Josiah is a proud and thoughtful man, indeed. After spending my day in the company of such poor and crazed folk, I am delighted simply to be in his presence. I do not need physical manifestations of my husband's love for me. The expression on Mrs Cornbench's face as all three of us were gathered in the hall was sufficient proof of the regard in which I am held by him.

Back to Bedlam

2009-02-27T16:50:00.006Z

Lydiatt House
April 10th 1853

It was Cook! Today has been one of such emotion and upheaval I can hardly sort my head from my heart - oh, the relief at seeing her, and the fear of what is to become of her!

I walked from Lydiatt down to the village as slowly as I could this morning. In truth I did not want to find the cottage, or the couple, or Cook. I took rest on a bench near the Inn, before climbing the hill to St Beverel's but after some minutes of gathering my breath and my strength I could find no further reason to delay.

The cottage was small but well looked after and as I approached I could see a woman in the garden. I hid for a while behind some hedging but began to feel too silly so I coughed a little and made as if to clear some mud from my shoe. The woman noticed me and called out,

"Good morning, Madam. Are you quite well? Do you need some help?"

I fiddled a moment longer with my shoe and then answered her.

"I do indeed need help and am grateful for your kindness."

"Blindingham is a friendly place, Madam. We will always go to the aid of a soul in need, any one of us in the village." She smiled at me and opened her garden gate to welcome me in. I ignored her shameful misrepresentation of the leaden boobies she lives amongst and went straight to the reason for my visit.

"I know the village well, thank you," I said, "I am the mistress of Blindingham Hall. I am Mrs Josiah Hatherwick."

The woman looked at me as though I had declared myself to be Queen Victoria herself. She rushed to bring me to a seat and produced a glass of lemon water from a jug on the bench beside me.

"You are Mrs Hatherwick?" she whispered after some time. "You are the poor lady whose house burnt down? Oh my dear Lady you must be beside yourself with worry. You are very welcome here, please be assured of that."

"Actually, the Hall has not been entirely destroyed," I told her, "Some damage was sustained to the West Wing and the Orangery, but I am confident that we shall be able to restore and refurbish it before long. I have had some very exciting ideas for new furnishings and will soon be instructing furniture makers and decorators. I want to create the feel of Osborne House whilst retaining the essence of the Hall as a country residence. There are some divine new upholstery fabrics in the London shops which I am sure would not be out of place down here."

The woman listened to me with a look of comfort and a little confusion on her face. She did not answer.

"Of course, that is not why I have come to seek you out this morning. I am trying to find our Cook. She was in the Hall when the fire broke out and none of us has has seen her since. I have been given to understand she may have taken sanctuary with you."

Another few moments passed before the woman spoke to me.

"My brother was fortunate enough to find a poor, distressed lady walking the road to Lydiatt in obvious disarray a week or so ago. She was confused and could not tell him her name. She said very little, in fact, except to keep worrying that supper was going to be late because she could not find the kitchen. John could not leave her to carry on walking the streets in that condition."

"Indeed not," I agreed, although I think had I been the one who found Cook rambling about supper in her undergarments I should have gladly left her to it.

"We took the lady in and have been caring for her but I must confess I am not best placed to provide the help she needs. Keeping her nourished and safe has left me little time for anything else." She poured me another measure of lemon water as she spoke. "Can I ask, have you come to take her home?"

"Alas, I have not," I told her, "My husband and I are depending on the kindness of our neighbours until the Hall is restored. I could not take her back there with me at all."

"I see - yes. I should have deduced that for myself." She sounded weary, such that I quite wanted to hug her for her kindness towards Cook. I did not, of course.

We spoke for a few mintes more and then she asked if I would like to see Cook, who was upstairs resting. I accompanied her into the cottage with some trepidation, I admit.

Cook was a sorry sight. She was lying in a tiny bed with her hair all matted and crazy around her face. She was snoring a little and wheezing as she slept. As I watched her I could of think of nothing so much as the bellows the staff use to draw the fires in London. They make a similar sound and are as fragile. I left the room quickly for fear of waking her up.

The woman was waiting for me at the foot of her staircase. "My brother and I can not care for her here, Mrs Hatherwick," she said, "even though we are good Christians who know our duty. I am truly saddened at this lady's plight, but what is to be done? She is not to be left unattended for more than a minute. I am frightened of what she might do."

I knew at once that she was genuinely concerned for Cook's safety and for her own. It is a marvel her tiny cottage had housed Cook for this long and remained intact. I had to make a responsible decision, as Cook's former employer and as this woman's superior.

"Please do not worry," I said to her," I shall send for a carriage from Horsham. She must return there. I know of no other action for the best. I will go straight now to the Post Office and send word to the sanitorium."

The woman was shocked at my resolve.

"Horsham? Really?" she said. I nodded, holding my face in a grave and responsible expression.

"Horsham," she repeated. "That poor, poor soul."

Decision

2009-02-23T02:54:00.003Z

Lydiatt House
April 9th 1853

Josiah spent the whole night in the dressing room. Mrs Cornbench had been thoughtful enough to set up a day bed in there for him while he has been staying here to give instructions as to what should be done at the Hall. The rooms set aside for our use (we must find a way to make adequate recompense to the woman as soon as we are free of this place) are nice enough, but Josiah is being too polite to request a fire or anything much in the way of help from the servants. He has been sleeping on the day bed in preference to the one in 'our' room. Last night I sat outside his door for hours hoping he would need me to comfort him, but he did not call upon me. I can only guess at the anguish he feels at the death of his friend.

Today I am to visit the cottage near St Beverel's to see if Cook is indeed there. I should be keen to find her alive after all these weeks but in truth I can not bring myself to care overmuch. I am being dutiful as a good employer should be, not excited as a friend. After all, if it is her, what is to be done with her? She may have been the cause of the fire - I rather fear she shall not be welcome at the Hall in future. I will certainly not bring her to London - she would cause havoc in the streets. She would not cut such an unusual figure amongst the residents of Bayswater, it must be acknowledged, but I find myself unwilling to take on the responsibility of keeping her safe for much longer.

No, if Cook is upstairs in that cottage she can stay there. And if they do not wish to deal with her ravings she must go back to Horsham.

Shoot the messenger

2009-02-21T17:35:00.006Z

Lydiatt House
April 8th 1853

I am quite beside myself and have not the remotest notion of what to do!

This morning, as I made ready to leave for Blindingham, Villiers appeared with a smirk on his face and a hand-delivered note on the salver. The note, he said, had been pushed through the letterbox at break of day and was found lying on the doormat as innocently as you please. I saw at once that it was addressed to Josiah, in the handwriting of an uneducated person with the word 'Urgent' scrawled across the top of the envelope. Fearing it might be something to do with one of Josiah's business interests, or perhaps some underhand communication from an employee, I decided immediately to pack the note in with my belongings and set off.

Villiers saw me place the note in my pocketbook and gave one of his little squeaks. I know that sound to mean that he has something to say to me but wishes me to invite him to speak, rather than wait for an unsolicited approach. I also know that this is a device by which he can impart unwelcome information and blame me for requesting it. Really, he is as devious as a woman at times.

"Villiers," I ventured, "Is there anything you wish to say to me?"

"I am afraid there is, ma'am, yes." He looked at me gravely, as one who is carrying bad news might. "I think ma'am may be interested to know the sender of this note before it is transported to Blindingham."

I was curious, of course, but determined to observe the conventions of written communication in a civilised society. They have been arrived at through gentleman's agreement and there is as yet no law against opening envelopes addressed to others, even one's own relatives. But that should not mean I am at liberty to pry where I am clearly not included - where would society rest if we all did just as we wished, even in moments of high passion?

"I expect I shall discover the identity of the sender as soon as the note has reached its rightful destination, Villiers," I said, as coolly as I could. "The note is meant for Mr Hatherwick, not myself."

"Indeed it is, Ma'am. I am sorry to have suggested otherwise. I am sure she will not be expecting you to read the note before Mr Hatherwick does." Villiers then dashed out of the room and hurried as quickly as propriety would allow down the stairs and into the servants' kitchen.

She? What She? Did Villiers mean that the note was delivered by a woman? A woman known to me?

I busied myself with my gloves and twittered about with Dauncey whilst the maid laced my boots and called for the carriage. I watched the driver load my luggage on board, then climbed inside and instructed him to begin the journey. The note was in my pocketbook, on the seat beside me.

I glanced up at the house as we left and saw Villiers and the maid standing at the top of the street steps, laughing.

I took out the note and stared at the writing. It did indeed seem familiar. It wasn't Boo's writing else I would have recognised it straight away, and besides she has no call to write to Josiah without my knowledge.

A moment later, as the carriage struck a particularly poor section of road, my heart leapt straight out of my chest and sat beating loudly in my mouth. I remembered where I had seen that writing before.

The ill-formed letters, the poor arrangement of the words and the smudging of the ink all combined to bring me to a quite shocking conclusion.

The note had been sent by The Girl!

Why would she write to him? What could possibly be so important that she, a servant, should take it upon herself to make direct communication in writing to her previous employer? Why could not her master, Josiah's friend, have written?

It was at that moment the full horror struck me. The note and the manner of its delivery could only mean one thing.

I was to carry to Josiah the news that his friend and associate had died.

I have had a number of fretful journeys to Blindingham of late, but none so worrisome as this one. My poor husband was to receive sad news of the death of his friend and I was to be the bearer. I spent the whole time thinking how best I could bring cheer to him, such that by the time I alighted at the Cornbench's house (how tiresome that we should still have to accept their thin, grey hospitality) I was exhausted.

Josiah walked out to greet me and all my plans for a loving reunion were forgotten. I took his hand, kissed it, and gave him The Girl's note. His face drained of all its colour the moment he saw it - his powers of mental alertness are much more finely honed than mine and he must have deduced immediately what the envelope contained. He took it from me and opened it as he walked away towards the garden. I watched as he read it. My poor, poor darling, I could see he was much affected by its contents.

He has been alone in the dressing room for four hours now, and will not admit me into his company. All I can do is wait outside and listen as he suffers. I wish he would call me to comfort him, I could ease his torment I know I could.

Oh, I cannot bear this a moment longer! My husband is in pain and I cannot help him!

City Break

2009-02-20T18:58:00.008Z

April 7th 1853
Sydney Walk

I have spent the most delightful day with Dauncey, who asks nothing of me but that I should love him. I prepared Villiers for my departure - really, it is hardly worth our having come to London this Winter. We have been more at Blindingham than anywhere else. I am determined that Josiah and I shall visit Clacton again, or perhaps Brightlingsea. We have been too much overrun with troubles of late and we are in need of a little relaxation. There is precious little of that to be had in Bayswater, I am sorry to note. I shall plan a little trip for when Josiah and I are both in London.

I am setting off at first light in the morning, so must retire now and will fall asleep telling Dauncey of my plans. He is bound to approve of them - he is such a comfort to me!

The Sound of Breaking Glass

2009-02-17T15:43:00.005Z

April 5th 1853
Sydney Walk

I have learned a little of Mrs Doughty's maternal leanings from Villiers. A short time before I sent him and LB to stay with her she had fallen foul of a rotten cold. I was swift in my dispatch of them, as anyone with an inferno raging in their home would be - and had not thought to enquire as to her health at this time. Indeed I had trusted to fortune that I could not be so unlucky as to have two sick friends as well as a burning house. I was wrong.

When Villiers entered her home with the boy, Mrs Doughty gave my letter of explanation the briefest of readings and went directly to bed for a week. Villiers says she instructed her servants to be welcoming and courteous but it was soon evident that domesticity and child welfare were alien to them all. There was no fire laid in LB's room, no playthings, very little food save for a kind of broth Mrs Doughty favoured when ill and no-one to give him his bath or read to him. I had expected Villiers to undertake such duties, I suppose, but it seems he was keen not to change his nocturnal arrangements - which, when I was there to mother the poor child, were not in jeopardy. Mrs Doughty keeps unusual hours, I now know, and the whole household was silent from seven o'clock in the evening til daybreak.

So LB was bored and not a little frightened I imagine. At least I believe that to be the reasoning behind his behaviour. Poor lamb, who could blame him for being so terrified of a cold, quiet house when he was used to Boo's chatter and my ministrations. The boy needed to hear noise and life going on around him.

And it is utter folly to place glass ornaments on an upstairs landing anyway, everybody must know that.

Mrs Doughty tired of LB's boyish exuberance after the third day, Villiers tells me, by which time only the Waterford was left intact. She whisked him by hansom cab back to Boo's house - whereupon Boo was heard to blame me - in my absence - for the cuts on his face! The injustice of it.

I have decided to go to Blindingham and find this mysterious set of siblings who have secreted Cook away. I shall find out for myself whether they are heroes or scoundrels. If they are village bred it is sure to be the latter, mark my words.

Reward

2009-02-16T21:25:00.003Z

Sydney Walk
Monday April 3rd 1853

I am astounded that I have not received so much as a thank you from Boo for looking after her precious child. Not a note, nor any flowers despite my having fed and coddled him all the while she was on her sick bed. She is in severe danger of my never speaking to her again. Indeed were it not for the boy himself and the Press I would be glad to cut her out of my life completely. I shall speak to Mrs Doughty to find out what happened while I was away to make Boo take LB back.

Josiah has sent word that a man from the village is claiming that he has seen Cook. He went to the Hall as Josiah was walking over the Orangery - what there is of it - with a surveyor and told him that he had found Cook in a distressed condition, walking half dressed along the lane towards Lydiatt. He recognised her, he said, from when he used to visit the hall with his father to deliver coal. Apparently she is now staying with this man and his sister in a cottage near St Beverel's Chapel.

I read Josiah's note with a lightening heart until I reached the final part. It seems the man will not take Josiah to see Cook, he says she is too frail, but has asked for funds with which to feed and clothe her. Funds indeed! Josiah gave him a few shillings - he is a soft hearted bear and I love him for it - but said he would give no more til he has seen Cook with his own eyes. He is a wise man, too, I am glad to know.

Oh, how weary I am of it all! I am surrounded by self serving ingrates when all I have tried to do is provide succour. I should travel back to Blindingham to visit this sister and find Cook - but I am loth to put myself out for anyone any more. I have had my fill of people taking advantage of my good nature.

Continued absence

2009-02-16T21:00:00.004Z

Sunday April 2nd 1853
Sydney Walk

I am astounded at Boo's ingratitude! I sent word to Mrs Doughty that I am back in London and more than ready to welcome LB back into my household. After an hour, which I spent plumping his pillows, arranging his nightgown and telling Dauncey about my adventures at Blindingham, the servant came back without him. Instead of carrying that darling child up to my room, he handed me a note which I could barely read, so blinded was I by tears of bitter disappointment.

It appears that Boo has rallied such that she is able to have her son with her after all. All my little hopes and dreams of skipping with him in the park tomorrow have been dashed on the rocks of Boo's recovery. I am angry beyond words and only glad that Josiah is not here to see my fury.

Villiers has returned from Mrs Doughty's and is sweeping about downstairs making sure the staff have kept up his standards in his absence. But I must not confide my feelings in him. He is a servant and a man - both those attributes rob him of the understanding I require.

I shall persuade Dauncey to sleep with me tonight. Oh, that selfish, selfish woman!

Happy returns

2008-07-11T19:17:00.004+01:00

Sydney Walk
March 30th 1853

My Dearest Boo

I do hope you are feeling better, my darling friend. When Mrs Doughty wrote to me in Blindingham with news of LB and Villiers I resolved to come back to London straight away. I could not bear to be apart from them - and by association yourself - a minute longer. I am blessed with a doting husband, as you know, and when he found me in fits of weeping at the thought of staying away another night he called a carriage for me immediately. He remains in Blindingham, staying with the Cornbenches (who are a drab pair with clingy, grey children but who are at the very least not from the village) He is overseeing the structural security of the Hall and planning to drain the lake.

But what of it, I am here! Back in Bayswater ready to welcome LB to his temporary but very loving home. I think Mrs Doughty was happy to help for a while but she is not accustomed to the sounds and smells of an occupied household - not as you and I are - and I will wager that Villiers and she did not see eye to eye. Her account of his nighttime habits have proved to me that she is not as tolerant a woman as she might appear in daylight.

But that is of no matter now. I pray for your speedy recovery, Boo! Not only so that you can have your boy back in your arms - I need your worldly advice in furnishings and fashionable decor. I have a project which I cannot wait to discuss with you.

I shall call as soon as you are well enough,

Yrs

Effie x

Neighbourly relations

2008-07-11T18:43:00.006+01:00

Lydiatt House
March 22nd 1853

I have loved my home for so long that I have been quite blind to the parlous stupidity of its village folk. This waiting for news of Cook is so tiresome that I find I no longer care overmuch whether she is alive or dead - she is sure to be one or the other. I have spent more time than I care to contemplate wandering the village lanes in search of her. At the start I was alive with eager hope that she would come walking around the next corner, scolding me for wearing unsuitable boots as she used to do. I am only slightly sorry to confess that now I would be happy for a glimpse of her under a bush or floating in Bartle Pond - anything that would bring an end to this uncertainty.

I visit Mrs Everdown in the Forester's Arms every morning to see if she has had word, but she is becoming increasingly vague as her vigil there goes on. When all this is over I shall insist that Josiah does not employ her as housekeeper of the rebuilt Hall - she is unlikely to appreciate the sophisticated new surroundings I am planning. She is too much of a villager for us after all, and resembles her bovine daughter more closely than I had imagined.

The people in Blindingham are well meaning enough, I suppose but oh! they are so dense and harsh of feature. There is not one of them without a nose like a pineapple. Everywhere I go I see the same thick set brows and square jaws looking back at me - I feel as if I have stumbled univited upon a family gathering. I wonder I had not noticed before how dim and pockmarked they all are.

If cook does not appear soon - quick or dead - I shall return to civilisation and be thankful that I do not have to conduct my business in the sawdust and smoke of a village hostelry. The air in the streets of Bayswater is a good deal fresher, I will swear to it.

Silver Lining

2008-06-24T12:45:00.005+01:00

Lydiatt House
March 21st 1853

At last we have had some good news. Josiah has had word from London - we are to be reimbursed for every penny we spend on restoring the Hall! What a clever husband I have. He is such a pioneer in business and financial matters and I am very fortunate to have him to look after me so well - it pains me that Papa does not see Josiah as I do. I am even more determined to get back to London now to begin choosing new furnishings. I shall fashion the East Wing in the style our dear Queen has chosen for Osborne House, I think. I do not propose to bother Josiah much with the details but I shall deliver him the most fashionable country residence in all England to show him how proud I am of his business dealings. And I shall no longer be obliged to accept Mrs Cornbench's offer of her cast off sticks - thank the Lord for Josiah and for the Prudential Insurance Company!

Unbearable Darkness

2008-06-23T20:06:00.009+01:00

Lydiatt House
March 19th 1853

I cannot bear to stay here another day. Mrs Cornbench seems so delighted to be able to provide respite and succour to 'our poor, poor neighbours' that I could almost fancy she set the Hall alight herself.

Happily, I may not have to endure her ministrations for much longer. Josiah is anxious to get back to London and arrange our finances so that we can begin to effect the restoration. I have told him I want the finest materials and the best builders working on my home - I was grateful that the men in the village came to save the Hall for us but I hardly think them skilfull enough to rebuild it!

Having suffered such a terrible shock, I find this house far too depressing to my spirits. I need light and fine things around me, but the Cornbenches have arranged this house as though they have taken a vow of self denial. There is scant furniture to speak of and what there is is dark and simple. There are a few pieces which I myself would have chosen - indeed I am sure that we have some very similar at the Hall (if they have been spared from the fire) - but mostly it is small and uncomfortable. I do not know where the Cornbenches came from originally, but very little in this house has been passed down, I can tell.

I am desperate to see LB again - I even miss Villiers, who would be discreet but just as horrified as I am by the way the Cornbenches live. (I may inadvertently pack a pillowcase in my luggage just to watch him squeal at its ordinariness. Has she some medical condition that prevents her from having silk next to her skin?) But we should not leave here until we have some notion of Cook's whereabouts, I suppose. Jennet and a couple of the village boys have searched the lake as well as they can and Mrs Everdown has spent a great deal of time waiting for her to arrive at the Inn, but there has been no sign. I confess the concern I have for her welfare wanes with every bowl of lukewarm broth and stale biscuits I am forced to eat at the Cornbenchs' table. Their meals are as drab as their curtains - at least we have the excuse that our Cook is insane.

Every hour without news is like a lifetime. I must go to London soon, I simply must.

Remains of the Day

2008-06-21T12:43:00.008+01:00

Lydiatt House
March 16th 1853

Dearest Mrs Doughty

I can hardly write, I am so shaken by what I have seen. I am compelled to make contact with you since you are so generously caring for LB, but I fear I will make little sense in this letter. Please grant forbearance - what you are about to read will no doubt be an outward manifestation of the turmoil I find myself in.

I was happily sitting in Sydney Walk just a few short days ago - and yet it seems a lifetime away in truth - when a messenger arrived at our door with an urgent missive from Mrs Cornbench, our neighbour back in the village. I confess I have found her nothing short of meddlesome in the past so I was not inclined to read her letter at first, but the man was insistent that Josiah should be fetched fom his work and should read the message forthwith. Oh, Mrs Doughty - the news it contained, I can barely bring myself to put in words...

Blindingham Hall, my beautiful home, has been burned beyond all recognition - and we fear that Cook has perished in the flames!

It seems that Jennet awoke one night to see the East wing ablaze. He rode straight into the village and managed to raise a goodly crowd of local men to come back with him. How lucky we are to have such standing with our neighbours that they will leave their beds to help us. Jennet arranged a string of them to pass buckets of water from our lake up to the house while he himself went inside to find Mrs Everdown and the staff. I shall make sure he is well compensated for his trouble when we are more settled - without his brave actions we should surely be homeless and without a servant to our names.

By the time Josiah and I reached home - after perhaps the most terrifying journey anyone could be expected to undertake - we happened upon the sorriest sight. The whole of the East Wing has crumbled, the Orangery is in tatters and the lawns are blackened, all shrubbery destroyed. The main Hall and West End are - by the mercy of God - intact and Jennet's lodge, being some distance from the hall itself, has been spared. We cannot spend a night in the Hall, though, until all burning ashes are extinguished and the roof has been made safe. Josiah is calculating the cost of all this as I sit here describing it - he is in a state of utter devastation, poor man.

Oh, Mrs Everdown and the undermaids are safe, but there is no sign of Cook! Her rooms were in the East Wing - did she set herself ablaze in a fit of madness? By mistake? Perhaps she thought she was back in the kitchens and was starting to prepare Supper. It is all the most dreadful mess.

I shall write more when we have found her, or at least any sign that she was there - if I make myself clear. I cannot bear to contemplate what may have happened to her. If she was not consumed in the fire - where is she?

We are staying with the Cornbenches for the present - it is strangely comforting since much of their furniture reminds me of home. I do believe I detect a little satisfaction on that woman's face but since I am at her mercy I must remain silent, for now.

Give LB a kiss from me and tell Villiers that Jennet asked after him,

Yrs

Effie H

Trouble at the Hall

2008-06-21T07:26:00.004+01:00

Sydney Walk
March 10th 1853

My Dear Mrs Doughty

We have had the most dreadful news from home. Josiah and I must return immediately to Blindingham for I do not know how long and we cannot take Boo's boy with us. I am sending him to you in the company of our manservant Villiers and pray that you can house them both until we are back inLondon.

I am beside myself with worry, but I am sure that you will do Boo and myself this kindness - please be assured that I will be in touch again as soon as I am able. I cannot thank you enough for reading this letter in what I am confident will be a state of calm capability and compassion.

Do not be concerned about how to entertain the child - Villiers and he get along delightfully and will hardly be in your way at all. You may wish to let Boo know that he is with you and that I shall reimburse you for any expenditure you incur in the feeding of them both.

I must leave off now,

Yours in gratitude

Effie H.

Exuberance

2008-06-20T21:36:00.006+01:00

Sydney Walk
March 8th 1853

Josiah is still reluctant to spend time with LB, but I have seen him standing over his cot when he is asleep and I know that he is as smitten with him as I am. When I heard him singing so softly last night - a tune I know his father sang to him - I could have wept with joy. My darling husband is fond of children after all and there is hope for us yet!

Mrs Doughty has been wonderful. She is managing all the business of the Press without Boo or myself to help her. Well, I have suggested that she contact Papa to see if he could offer his experience to the girls in some way and I believe he is often to be found there, no matter what time of day or night. I am glad that he has found a channel for his energies and that both he and the press will benefit from that connection, so I suppose I have still been of use to them despite my joyful incarceration in Sydney Walk.

This afternoon, LB was running happily around the hallway when he inadvertently trod on Villiers' foot. The pair of them fell to such a peal of yelping that I had to hold tight to Dauncey to stop him jumping from the nearest window! Villiers hopped about the hall for a good five minutes, while LB stood against the front door calling for his mother, his nurse and, eventually, me.

Villiers is now in the kitchen with his foot in a bowl of warmed milk and a flannel across his brow. He does not say so, but I can tell that he believes LB hurt him with malicious intent, although the boy is adamant that he did not see Villiers beside him. I told Villiers that, if were indeed a deliberate act, a child cannot be taken from his home and everything he knows without showing some degree of wilfulness, but he is an old-fashioned sort in many ways and I am sure he is praying for Boo's speedy recovery.Oh, the trials of parenthood and staff management!

LB is in his nightgown, playing in my room and is a great deal more settled. I am sure that he, too is hoping to hear very soon that Boo has been restored to good health. It is a guilty admission on my part to acknowledge that I am not.

Nothing left

2008-06-20T21:14:00.003+01:00

Sydney Walk
March 3rd 1853

I am far too exhausted to write my journal these days. LB is only a small child, and bless his heart he is asleep for twelve hours in every day, but he fills the other twelve with such liveliness and so many demands that I am quite spent once he is in his cot in the evenings.

Striking resemblance

2008-06-05T21:48:00.005+01:00

Sydney Walk February 27th 1853

I always knew I had a great capacity for maternal love and I will be eternally grateful to LB for allowing me to experience it - even if only for a short while. He is a delightful child and I will smother him with kisses until he has to leave us. I am quite amazed by his constant inquisitiveness. Whenever the maid or I have our backs turned he is inside a cupboard, under a bed or struggling to open a window - on a never ending quest for enlightenment, I suppose.

Sadly, Josiah has been unusually tested with his business deals at the moment and has not been able to spend much time at home with us. I hope we can have LB for a good while yet - although I know that means Boo would still be stricken in her pregnancy, poor goose - because I know Josiah will adore him in an instant. He was not happy when I announced LB's arrival but he respects my wish to do Boo this service and I am sure that when he bounces the boy on his knee for the first time he will melt as quickly as I have done. This will perhaps serve better than the occasional picnic as a ruse to turn Josiah and I into proper parents....

Oh, the boy is wondrous! He reminds me so much of Josiah as he plays with wooden bricks and demands biscuits from anyone who passes. He has a quizzical look when thwarted which recalls Josiah exactly, and when he is happy he makes a little barking sound which is Josiah to the core. It is enough to make me wonder which is the right way round - do men become fully matured by the age of three, or do boy children grow taller but never any wiser? The two states are almost indistinguishable, whether three or thirty three. I may turn my hand to a scientific study of the development of our species, since I know of none in existence.

Temporary care

2008-06-03T13:51:00.004+01:00

Sydney Walk
February 24th 1853

We have him! Little Bradstone is in the next room as I write, snoring and snuffling as if he'd lived here all his life! I am so excited I can hardly believe it.

I arrived in the carriage at Boo's and ran up her steps with no thought of what I was about to say. When her girl opened the door I went straight in and made to go up to see Boo. I was a little overwrought, I must confess, and began calling for Boo the moment I set foot on her staircase. An enormous woman in a nurse's uniform came sweeping onto the landing to shush me, but I was absolutely set on my plan.

"I am here to collect Little Bradstone and take care of him until his mother is well enough to resume her position," I said, "And I will not hear of any other course of action!"

The nurse stopped at the top of the stairs and looked down at me. She was clearly doing her best to make a speedy assessment of my mental state and my maternal capabilities. Perhaps she was as concerned as I about Boo's mother-in-law's influence on the boy.

"I fear poor Mrs Pitt will be confined to her bed for some months to come. Pray tell me who you are and what exactly your intentions may be. She is not to be disturbed on any account but if I find that you may be able to help her by setting her mind to rest about the child, I shall go to speak with her. Well?"

I stood at the stairfoot and pronounced myself to be the best friend Boo had in the world. I said I was wealthy and loving enough to look after Boo's son as if he were my own and that nothing would give me greater pleasure than to help Boo in her hour of need. I said I could not rest knowing that there was a little boy in want of a mother's arms. I told her I had rooms until the Spring and a country house capable of housing forty such children, if they needed it.

"Stop!" she whispered, holding her large hand up to cover my face from her view. "What is your name, good lady?"

And that was all, in truth. She spent a moment or two in Boo's room and then instructed the girl to go directly and bring LB back from his Grandmother's house. I waited in Boo's hallway, seeing no purpose in accompanying the girl. And we were snug here at Sydney Walk within the hour!

Josiah stayed out of sight when I brought LB in. Villiers gave a little scream, which I took to be one of welcome, and then he took the boy from me and carried him upstairs to my bedchamber, where I had instructed him to place a small bed next to ours. LB was laid into it and, after a brief bout of whimpering, which we dealt with by the application of warm milk, he fell soundly to sleep. I felt great pride in us all that we could do such a kindness for our friends.

I was so happy that I ignored the letter from meddling Mrs Cornbench. Silly, interfering old witch.

No-one at home

2008-05-23T14:20:00.005+01:00

Lydiatt House

My Dear Mrs Hatherwick

I hope this letter finds you in good health and that your sojourn in London continues to keep you and Mr Hatherwick suitably entertained.

This is the briefest of notes to reassure you that all appears well at Blindingham. I say 'appears' since I have not in truth gained access to the Hall on either of my last two visits there. But I am sure that were there to be any cause for concern, your Mrs Everdown would have alerted us. I made sure when I last saw her, a good month ago now, that she knew how to reach us and that she was not to suffer a moment's concern when Mr Cornbench and I are so close by and so willing to offer our support. I have heard of no such worries and have had no requests for help, so am happy to conclude that all is satisfactory.

What a capable woman she must be to look after the Hall as well your old nurse without needing a soul to share her days with. She can be forgiven for allowing the grounds to become a little unkempt while your gardener is away visiting relatives, which I presume is the reason for my not seeing him for a while. It is winter and, if a gardener can be spared at all, he is best released in February, I am sure.

Having dispensed my neighbourly duties, a task that I am more than happy to undertake, I shall leave you to enjoy your metropolitan distractions. Be reassured that I will call at Blindingham again soon and am confident I will find someone at home then.

Yours

Lorelei Cornbench

Determination

2008-05-10T18:26:00.003+01:00

Sydney Walk
February 20th 1853

I told Josiah of my plan as soon as he had breakfasted and was settling down to his newspaper and his morning cup of heated water with lemon - he is allowed nothing stronger til his gout is fully dispersed. I was a little nervous of his reaction so just took a large breath and said outright that I was sending a carriage to bring Little Bradstone to Sydney Walk. He yelped a little then gave a short cough - a sign that his foot is still quite painful, I expect, or that the lemon had caught him unprepared. He looked at me exactly as if I had aimed a shotgun to him.

"Steady on, Eff," he said, when he could speak, "When was this decided?"

"Yesterday afternoon, when I learned that the poor boy is in the clutches of Mrs Pitt, " I answered. Josiah knows how evil she is and his expression deepened.

"What does Boo say? Does her husband agree? Where shall he sleep - have you thought about this at all, Eff?" Josiah spoke in a tight voice that made me sorry for the pain his gout must cause him, even though it is all his own doing, really.

"Boo will be happy for me to be the boy's saviour, Bradstone will be powerless to argue in the face of such generosity on our part and the boy shall sleep in our room. I have thought about this as much as I need to."

I think being Mrs Doughty's friend has had a beneficial effect on me - I would brook no argument, not even from my own husband!

After that conversation, I instructed Villiers to arrange a carriage to take me first to Boo to tell her of my favour to her and then on to Mrs Pitt's lair. As I left Sydney Walk, the maid was putting an iron over Josiah's newspaper again - it had become quite crumpled during our exchange.

Child Care

2008-05-10T16:41:00.007+01:00

Sydney Walk
February 4th 1853

It seems Boo has known all along about Mrs Doughty's domestic situation. What a dark horse she is! I would not have thought her capable of keeping such a secret from me and shall resolve to be more inquiring in future. Still, I am proud to be associated with such a selfless woman and I have much to learn from her, though I do not think I shall ever give up hope of having a baby of my own one day.

Boo is suffering for her love of motherhood, poor thing. She is confined to her bed and is as weak as a kitten. I called to see her but the maid was adamant that she could admit no-one, not even those in the closest circle. Apparently Boo's doctor has said that she must have no excitement of any kind for fear that her heart will be put under too much strain. I asked who was looking after LB and discovered that he has been sent to stay with Bradstone's Mama! I am Boo's best friend in all the world and I know how much she dislikes her husband's mother. She must be lying abed fretting that he will return with a head full of silly nonsense and cruel intentions. That woman could strip the trees of their bark with her vicious tongue - I well remember the afternoon when she told me that I had made a terrible mistake in taking Josiah for my husband. She called him a feckless wastrel and said that I was doomed to a life of loneliness and sorrow. Well, if that isn't proof enough of her twisted grip on reality I do not know what would be. She is quite unsuited to the job of raising a child with sensibilities as fragile as LB's. My blood is rising even as I write!

I shall speak to Josiah in the morning - when his gout has yet to take hold for the day - and tell him we must go to fetch LB and bring him here. What sort of friend would I be if I could not look after a little boy who is missing his mama? I shall set aside one of the upstairs rooms for him and he and I shall play with Dauncey all day long and take trips to the park for fresh air. That is decided then - I shall write to Boo imediately and tell her that we will save her boy from Mrs Pitt's malicious clutches. I am quite excited at the thought that Josiah and I will have a little person to care for - Josiah will be as keen as I am, I know it!

Saintly self denial

2008-04-15T20:47:00.005+01:00

Sydney Walk
January 15th 1853

Boo!

I understand that you are not well enough to have visitors at the moment. Indeed I should hate to bring the dangers of the outdoors to your bedside at such a time. But I simply cannot contain myself any longer and decided that the contents of this letter would not be so shocking if delivered in writing, not in person. Please make sure that you are sitting down for the rest of this letter, if you are not already, and promise me you will not alarm Little Bradstone by crying out in amazement when you hear my news.

Boo - Mrs Doughty is not, nor has she ever been, married!

What do you make of that?

I had tea with her yesterday afternoon and after a long discussion about how I might fill your shoes at the Press while you are otherwise occupied, I asked her outright. Emboldened by the situation, I enquired about the whereabouts of Mr Doughty. I said I had always wondered where she kept him and thought he must be a remarkable man to allow her such freedom and power in the London business world. This is what she said,

"My dear, any man would need to be truly remarkable to call himself my husband. I have never met one worthy of the title and am not likely to. I use the title of a married woman to deter any approach of a romantic nature from the male of our species."

I was so shocked a little bit of cake fell from my mouth.

"But then do you live alone, Mrs Doughty? You seem too full of life not to share it with a husband. I know I could not endure these long days in London without knowing I had Mr Hatherwick to talk to at night."

" Effie," she said to me "The prospect of having to explain myself to Mr Hatherwick every night is too awful to contemplate." Before more cake could spill onto my skirts, she added "Oh, I do not mean your husband above all others, my dear. Please do not think that. I simply cannot regard any man highly enough to confide my hopes and dreams in him. Now, I must take my leave of you. I have a meeting of the London hospital board to attend."

As she stood up to go, I ventured another question,

"Mrs Doughty, you have so much generosity in your soul. Have you never thought of children?"

She turned back to face me and stifled a little twitch of her mouth, I am sure.

"When I think of children, Effie, they are never my own. I have never imagined myself giving birth to or suckling an infant conceived from the sort of liaison necessary to produce one."

When she saw my still open mouth she softened slightly and said, "I am the sort of woman who is able help many people with my work. That is enough maternity for me, more than enough. I shall no doubt be seeing you again soon at the Press, but for now, farewell." Then she swept out!

Did you know this before, Boo? Why did you not say, if you did? If you were as unaware as I, then I hope I have not caused you undue shock. But goodness me, what a revelation! Mrs Doughty has turned her back on marriage and motherhood all so she can help others in greater need. She is truly deserving of a sainthood, nothing less.

Do write back with yr thoughts, Boo. We are in the presence of greatness!

Yrs

Effx

Nursey wife too

2008-04-15T19:44:00.007+01:00

Sydney Walk January 5th 1853

It is bread poultice time again in the Hatherwick household. I am growing weary of Josiah's 'Winter affliction'. He speaks of it in terms which he hopes will make the listener think the gout has been visited upon him, and is not the inevitable consequence of his seasonal excess. I should be pleased that he enjoyed such a convivial time with Papa, I suppose. He does love Papa and there are many wives who could not say the same about their husbands, so I shall content myself with that and pay no heed to his waspishness when the pain shoots through him. Bless him.

I told him of Boo's expected arrival and fancied I saw a cloud pass across his face. I recall that he was less than pleased for her when LB was imminent and he was similarly distant on hearing this news - I do believe he feels my emptiness and wishes me not to be saddened by Boo's burgeoning family when all I have is him. He is remarkably perceptive, my husband, and his reserve can only be borne of concern for my wishes in that direction. That, or the poultice had stiffened and reminded him of his own discomfort.

I have decided to send word to Mrs Doughty and ask her to meet me to discuss our plans for Boo's confinement. As I think of it, I should love to know more about her own domestic affairs. Perhaps a slice or two of cake will loosen her tongue enough for me to ask whether she has anyone to massage her ankles in the Winter.

Birth order

2008-04-14T20:23:00.006+01:00

Sydney Walk
January 3rd 1853

Boo is with child again! She sent me the briefest of notes explaining why she had seen so little of me lately. It seems she has been taken quite ill with this child and has been in fear of losing it before its time. Poor, silly thing , she was scared to tell me until the baby was properly established in case I was upset for her. I think she means that I would be upset for myself - I who am in want of such happy news - and she is right, in part. Of course I do not begrudge her a brother or sister for LB. I would not be able to call myself a friend if I did. But I should so love to hold my own child and push it round the park and bathe its knees and sing to it.

Boo asked me to tell Josiah that, God willing, the child will be born in the Spring. Quite why he should care about that I am not sure, but she was anxious for him to know. Perhaps she wishes to prepare him for my wanting to stay in London after we were due to return to Blindingham. I shall be required to do more work for the Press during Boo's confinement. She is a clever old thing, really. When Josiah knows that she will be at her bed, he will not insist that I go home.

Oh, I wish I had Boo's cunning - I envy her that, as well as her nursery.

A quiet Christmas

2008-04-14T19:59:00.003+01:00

Sydney Walk
December 20th 1852

This Winter is proving to be much duller than last. I have hardly seen any of my friends and there have been almost no parties, at least not that I have been made aware of. I told Josiah that it must be because we are in rooms people do not wish to visit, but that made him a little cross so I changed the subject. I know he tried his hardest when he comes up to town to choose where we stay for the season, so he must have felt that in speaking ill of his choice I was also speaking ill of him. What a booby I am to have complained so when I am in truth a very lucky woman.

So, I have decided to do away with any hope of hosting a party here and I shall instead make our own family Christmas as cosy as it can be. For dinner this year there will be me, Josiah and poor Papa, who is still a little vague after the assault he suffered in this neighbourhood. He has accepted my invitation to stay for a day or so, but has insisted that he be accompanied from his front door to ours, and back again when he leaves. I said Villiers would be only too pleased to escort him, but he has made his own arrangements it seems. It is as well that he has, for I have resolved to give Villiers some time off to thank him for his solicitous service of late. He, too, has been more solitary than he would like and I think it my duty as a caring employer to allow him his head whilst in London.

Josiah softened somewhat when I apologised for my ingratitude and was almost excited by the prospect of a long evening over brandy and cigars with Papa. He has a proposition to put to him, I am sure of it. I shall keep out of such discussions, since I know Papa is not impressed by Josiah's business ventures. If only I could tell them both that I, little Effie, am the most successful business brain in the family!

I shall ask the cook to prepare some special treats for Dauncey to eat and have found a delightful neck collar for him to wear. I cannot wait to see his little face when I present it to him. Which puts me in mind of the gift I must find for Josiah - I am quite worn out with trying to find something to please him. He is not a man who likes frippery or adornment - except upon his fortunate wife, of course - and he already has a perfectly adequate watch. I am not inspired to think of anything else!

The gift of love

2008-04-14T15:29:00.008+01:00

Sydney Walk
December 19th 1852

Today, I received an early seasonal gift from Dauncey! He raced into my dressing room as if his whole life depended on reaching me as soon as possible. It really is a most heartening habit of his to make me feel so important and I only wish Josiah might greet me with the same urgency some days. Dauncey made a triumphant little mewing sound and hurled a mouse at my feet. Had I not been able to see at once that it was dead, I should have screamed like Villiers when he assists Josiah at the Hunt. But the blood, tiny entrails and lack of a complete head reassured me that it was not about to run up my skirts at any time. Dauncey sat back, clearly awaiting my thanks and praise.

I remembered looking forward to the sugar mice Mama always brought me when she came back from being away. She was a society lady who was often invited to country house weekends and was a popular face at many a ball. She would show me how much she had missed me whilst on her travels by placing a tiny pink mouse in my hand and kissing me daintily on my head. Oh, those mice were so sweet! How much they spoke of Mama's love for me! And now Dauncey was offering me the same token of esteem. I laughed at him and begged his forgiveness for not eating the mouse immediately tail first, as I used to do to amuse Mama.

Impotent rage

2008-03-29T18:08:00.013Z

May the Heavens save me from interfering women! I have received a letter from Mrs Cornbench and am now all put about. If I tell Josiah what it contains he will send me back to Blindingham for sure. I must keep it secret from him whilst determining what to do. Oh, the bother of it all!

This morning Villiers skipped into the drawing room carrying an envelope on the salver that is kept on the stand in the hall. He swept up to me and presented it under my nose as if he were the finest magician in the land.

"Madam has been sent a letter!" he squealed. "It was posted in the village back at Blindingham!"

He danced about my chair like a will o'the wisp and finally produced a silver letter opener he must have concealed in his sleeve.

"Is it from Jennet, Madam? Does it contain information I should be made aware of about the Hall?"

"There is no mud or pig feed smeared on this letter, Villiers," I said to him. "I think it must have been written by someone who spends the better part of their day indoors, don't you?"

He pinched his mouth up til he quite put me in mind of Dauncey's rear end and then left the room. He did not offer me tea, so I know he must have been cross with me.

I was preparing myself for news that Cook had come to harm, or that the Hall had been destroyed or some such drama, and walked to the window so that I could pace as I read it. But this is what the letter said,

My Dear Mrs Hatherwick,

I do hope your stay in London is continuing to be enjoyable and am quite envious of your proximity to life lived in the full. It is quiet here at Lydiatt House, but we are all well and that is enough to wish for, I am sure.

The purpose of this letter is to tell you that I visited Blindingham Hall yesterday, having given you my neighbourly promise that I would, and wish to tell you of my findings. When I arrived, Mrs Everdown showed me in and was kind enough to offer me a glass of cordial, which I accepted. I must say that she appeared in a state of some dishevelment and the glass she served my drink in was not as clean as you or I would have liked. I enquired after Cook's welfare and was assured that she is in excellent health, but that I could not see her because she was resting. I offered to wait until she had risen for the afternoon, but Mrs Everdown was quietly insistent that Cook would not be downstairs for the rest of the day.

I asked whether there was anything your staff needed that I might be able to help with in your absence, such as guidance over closing down some of the rooms for the Winter since I could not help noticing that there were no covers on the furniture that is left in the dining room. Mrs Everdown told me that she was in no need of help, despite clearly being worn out, poor lady.

As I took my leave, without having assured myself that the upstairs rooms were in good order, I took the liberty of asking Jennet how he was faring. He told me that his days were filled with household chores well enough but that he wished he did not have to be called upon so often to help Cook into her bed. When I enquired what he meant, he said that most evenings Mrs Everdown calls upon him to help her carry Cook to her room, after her sleeping draught has taken effect. As I was talking to him, Mrs Everdown rushed down the steps and gave him a job to do so he scuttled off before I could know more of the evening habits of your household.

I am sorry to say that I was left with the distinct feeling that the Hall is not being run as you would wish it. Everything was in place, the gardens are beautifully kept even in this season and there was no sign of anything untoward that I could detect. It was just a feeling that I felt I should share with you.

I realise that there is nothing you can do from such a distance but worry and I am only sorry to be the bearer of troubling news upon which you are powerless to act. I know that your being three days' travel away, and likely to be so for a good few months yet, means that the situation at the Hall will not change, unless to deteriorate still further. I do hope that my bringing this to your attention does not mar the rest of your time away from your responsibilities here.

I trust you and Mr Hatherwick will have a prosperous festive season. Please be assured that I shall continue to keep a watchful eye over your home until you return,

Yours in neighbourliness

Lorelei Cornbench

The interfering harridan! I dare not tell Josiah she is in and out of the Hall as she pleases. What exactly is she trying to say in that letter - that our glasscloths are unwashed and that Cook is heavy? What does that matter and why is it any concern of hers? I should never have accepted her offer to look in on the Hall. I would not be surprised to find her and the whole of her joined-together family living there by the time we return! She is taking far too much interest in my affairs and clearly wishes the Hall to be run as she sees fit. The liberty of the woman! I am mistress of Blindingham, not she, and I have entrusted its care to the redoubtable Mrs Everdown, whose only failing as far as I am aware was not teaching her stupid daughter how to use a mangle.

I do not know what on earth I am to do about this except to toss and turn all night with imagined conversations in which I chide her for her nosiness and point out that she would do well to concentrate her efforts on her own family, who all seem to be incapable of individual thought or action.

I am so angry I could scream, but I know that if I did Villiers would faint clean away with fright. Oh how bothersome other people are!

Resolve

2008-03-29T10:06:00.004Z

Sydney Walk
December 4th 1852

I have not told Josiah about the incident with Papa yesterday. I am still too ashamed that he was brought to such a dreadful position simply because we are staying here. I want us to find rooms in a better part of London but I am sure Josiah will not countenance such a move. Indeed, if I complain overmuch about spending time here while he is attending to his business interests he will probably tell me to go back to Blindingham.

I do not wish to spend a cold winter in the Hall with only a demented woman for company and the prospect of the occasional visit from an officious neighbour, so I shall have to resign myself to Sydney Walk for the rest of our stay. I must turn my attention to more social and business activity. And, since Boo and Mrs Doughty will not visit me here - and I must say that now I understand their reluctance - I shall visit them!

Surprises

2008-03-10T18:51:00.005Z

Sydney Walk
December 3rd 1852

I have had the most distressing day. It is lucky that Josiah is out this evening with Mr Waterhouse - they are attending a performance by Miss Lind in Berkeley Square, apparently - for I do not feel able to arrange my thoughts in a straight line and he would doubtless press me for an explanation. I shall write down here all that occurred and see whether it makes more sense to me in the morning.

After I had finished breakfast and given Dauncey a thorough brushing, the doorbell rang. Villiers ran to answer it and gave such a shriek that I leapt to the landing as if the house were ablaze. I could hear Papa's voice urging Villiers to put a stop to his wails and as I arrived at the foot of the stairs I could see what had caused him to become so agitated. Poor Papa was holding on to the doorway, with a river of blood pouring from his temple!

Villiers flapped around arranging towels and a bowl of water in the kitchen and we helped Papa to a seat. He seemed such a crumpled sight, not like my lion of a father at all.

"Papa! Whatever can have happened to you? Should Villiers send for the police?"

"No, Effie, I simply need a poultice and some tea. Do stop that servant of yours from screeching - I have sustained a slight accidental injury, not been set upon by pickpockets ."

I bathed Papa's head and gave him a bowl of broth - the cook is always at the market in the mornings but I managed to warm the soup myself - and after some minutes he recovered enough to tell me something of what had befallen him.

"It was nothing, Effie. I was walking along Bartlett Street and I slipped on some vegetable matter that must have fallen from a grocer's cart. Really, I should do better to contact the market association than the police - I think I could make a case against them for not securing their produce properly on those ridiculous barrows they push about."

Papa seemed to become stronger with every spoonful of the broth - I must ask the cook what she puts in it - and as he regained his composure I noticed that Villiers had fallen silent and was soothing his forehead with a wet cloth. Really, he is a marvel at social occasions but as useless as a puppy if someone is in peril. I shall mention to Josiah that when we are in London we might need a butler with a more robust approach to everyday incidents. A man should be able to slip on a potato skin without causing physical distress to the servants, I am sure.

I satisfied myself that Papa's injury was much less severe than it had seemed at first. Indeed after some more broth and a couple of stout biscuits he was quite himself again, and only an eagle could have spotted his wound.

"Shall I walk with you to your destination, Papa, to make sure your fall has not disturbed your balance?" I asked him. At which point I realised that he had not said why he was walking in our neighbourhood in the first place. I had not been expecting him to visit and as far as I am aware we do not live near any legal offices or other business interests of his. As I spoke, I fancied that the same thought had occurred to him.

"Well, I was...erm....I had planned...." he faltered a little, which is to be expected in someone who has just received a blow to the head, I suppose, and then he went on. "I was hoping to surprise you with a seasonal visit, my dear, " he said, "I wondered whether you might like to take tea with me in Town."

"What a charming plan!" I answered, "And how cunning of you to call without announcement and to come so far out of your way to treat me. If you still feel able, I should be delighted to accompany you." I instructed Villiers to get our outdoor things together and then dashed upstairs to make sure that Dauncey was comfortable and unlikely to miss me. He was in a heavenly cat sleep that I could not bring myself to spoil with a goodbye kiss.

When we were out on Sydney Walk, I looked at Papa in cold daylight and saw how old he looked. I had never thought of him as anything other than my dashing Papa before, but this morning he seemed as if he had aged twenty years in the last ten. He has never truly recovered from losing Mama so cruelly, I suppose. We walked along in silence for a few minutes and then another awful thing happened. A harsh voice broke our thoughts,

"George! You old goat! You dusted yourself down quick enough, didn't you? Where did you find this one?" I looked up and saw a woman I have often seen before - when I have been out walking in the late afternoons with Dauncey - staring quite brazenly at Papa." Papa was staring back, aghast.

"Do you know her, Papa?," I asked him.

"Oooh! 'Do you know her Papa!' she's a pretty one, George!" said the woman, glancing at me. "I asked you where you found her."

"She is my daughter," said Papa, quietly.

"Daughter, indeed!" scorned the woman, "And I suppose I'm your mother, now, am I? You stay with those you know, George, else next time it won't just be your head." She threw her hair back, laughed and skittered off, leaving poor Papa looking confused. She must have seen him fall earlier and chosen not to help him, the witch.

"What nonsense she talks, Papa! Pay no attention." I held his arm as he leaned towards me and I watched as he looked around us as if trying to assure himself that no-one else had seen this exchange.

I was horrified. I had introduced my dear, proud father to the sort of people I had become used to without noticing that they had no shame and less dignity. The poor man had simply wished to surprise his daughter with afternoon tea in a London hotel and I, by living in Sydney Walk, had subjected him to public derision and physical harm. We did have tea in Town but he hardly spoke to me - I can only assume he was angry that I could expose him to such degradation.

The mortification I feel is almost unbearable. I am glad Josiah is spending the evening in civilised company. I do not feel I derve to do so myself.

Local knowledge

2008-03-05T20:17:00.004Z

Sydney Walk
November 27th 1852

Good news from Blindingham. It appears that all is well and the staff are managing to look after Cook and contain her more excessive behaviour. I had not realised how worried I have been until I felt such a surge of relief at reading Mrs Cornbench's note.

It is as well that there is nothing to concern me at home, for there is plenty to occupy me here in London. I have taken Dauncey out for a stroll or two - we make quite a pair as he pokes his pretty nose from my sleeve - and have begun to feel quite the Kensington lady. I am making plans for my contribution to the Press, I am organising a lunch party and am even beginning to help Josiah in his business. For the first time I feel as though my life is full of enterprise and sociability. I have Dauncey to thank for such fulfilment, I am sure. His need for my care is most gratifying.

The streets around Sydney Walk are alive with folk at all times of the day and night - it is quite different from Belgrave Square. I was not greeted so warmly there despite the fashionable nature of our address. In Kensington, Josiah and I have both noticed that we are observed more closely and approached more often than we had expected. People feel no shyness in speaking to us here, I am perfectly at home. I will perhaps feel emboldened when Dauncey and I are next abroad - he shall act as my Ambassador and I am sure it will be no time at all before I am a common regular around these streets!

Reassurance

2008-03-05T20:04:00.002Z

Lydiatt House
November 21st 1852

My Dear Mrs Hatherwick

This is the briefest of notes, intended to reassure you that all is well at Blindingham.

I took the liberty of calling at the Hall yesterday afternoon and was greatly encouraged to see your Mrs Everdown hard at work cleaning the front door and steps. She is a treasure, I can tell. I did not have sight of the poor lady who used to cook for you, but Mrs Everdown and Mr Jennet both told me that she is well and, on the whole, quiet.

I trust that you and Mr Hatherwick are enjoying your sojourn in the City. Please do not feel that you need to reply to this communication, which shall not be repeated unless there is a need to disturb you. I am confident that that will not be the case.

Yours

Lorelei Cornbench

Chagrin

2008-02-28T20:16:00.004Z

Sydney Walk
November 20th 1852

I am much chastened by Boo's response to my request. She is right, of course, that we must not seek to use the Press for our own ends. I am lucky that such an honourable woman chooses to have a self-serving silly goose like me for a friend. I shall invite her to tea and try to make amends, if that ninny of a maid can see her way to arranging some cakes. The prospect of her serving my London friends with sandwiches makes me quite faint, but I must not sit alone here all Winter simply because I have an idiot in my employ.

By Return

2008-02-24T16:43:00.002Z

Showcasing the Press

2008-02-24T15:45:00.004Z

My Dear Boo

I am sending the banker's draft with this note - I have asked the boy to wait and bring me your response, since I shall need proof that he has indeed put it in your hands and not used it to set off for a new life in Pennsylvania, or some such place. I have heard that America is a country where poor people may cast off the shackles of their birth and rise to greatness, although the postboy I am sending does not appear to have much ambition about him. He is a thin little fellow who would be blown overboard by the merest gust of an Atlantic wind. Anyway, please write and tell me you have received the money.

I know that I have been sworn to secrecy about my involvement with The Press, but I am so amazed by our achievements that I am finding it hard not to announce my business interest to Josiah. Do you think now might be an acceptable time to show him some of their work? I only mean to have a few small periodicals or books sent to me, so that I may plan the most propitious moment to show him that I am so much more than a London socialite. Please do not be cross with me for asking - it is only that I am so pleased with the work we have done giving employment to so many eager young women. What do you think, Boo? I am fit to burst with pride.

I shall stand with Dauncey at the window and wait for the next American President to return with your answer!

Yrs

Effie x

My terrible servant

2008-02-23T11:42:00.003Z

Sydney Walk
November 3rd 1852

We have employed the stupidest girl in Christendom. She can make a fire and heat water to wash with, but beyond that she is useless. She has ruined my blue dress, the one I was planning to wear if we are invited to a party, and she has mislaid my tortoiseshell dressing set, so that my hair has to be put up with horrible little pins. And yesterday she tripped over Dauncey, who was minding his own business on the stairs, and she dropped the bowl and jug from my washstand. This morning I washed from an enamel dish, like a pauper. I have told Josiah that I do not want her working for us any longer, but he insists that she needs time to adjust to our ways.

I almost wish The Girl was back with us - she was competent, despite her ridiculous weeping all the time - but she is now working permanently for Josiah's friend. And since I stopped paying her wages I no longer have any say over what she does. So I can do little but hope this booby improves. If she steps on Dauncey again I shall tread on her head myself to see how she would like it....

New Premises

2008-02-23T11:13:00.002Z

Sydney Walk
October 29th 1852

I visited the new Press this afternoon - Boo and Mrs Doughty have done tremendous work. They wanted to surprise me so they asked me to take a carriage to an address in Bayswater, where they would meet me and then walk me to the premises nearby. When I alighted, they were giddy as kittens and rushed up with a pretty scarf to cover my eyes in order to prolong the suspense. They chattered over each other in such excitement that I could not work out the route they were guiding me along, and when I told them they should slow down for fear I would never be able to find the place on my own they laughed aloud at my silliness. I have never known them in such a playful mood - it was such fun to be with them again!

The Press is now housed in a most impressive building. It is much larger than the Highgate factory, with a sprawling open ground floor where all the machinery is situated. There were more girls than I could count, all rushing around looking very busy and chattering away as they worked. It is a very happy workplace, for sure.

I wanted to be shown all the upstairs offices - I could see a lot of doors leading off the upper landing - but Boo needed to get back to LB, who has a touch of the croup she said. I do not know what croup is but apparently he needs regular steam baths and Boo was concerned that the maid would not hold his head correctly, or something. So after a whirlwind tour of the shop floor I was put straight into a carriage Mrs Doughty had arranged for me and I came back to Sydney Walk. I did not mind so much because Dauncey was waiting for me in the window and I had to write to Papa's bank to authorise a withdrawal of funds to give to Boo for the Press. I can see now why they needed such a large amount! I shall go back soon and see the rest of it at my leisure - if I can recall how to get there.

Our happy news!

2008-02-22T08:23:00.007Z

Sydney Walk
October 17th 1852

What a thoughtful man my husband is! He had noticed that I was somewhat deflated at the lack of visitors here since we arrived and so he has given me my very own companion. I now share Sydney Walk with a scrumptious little kitten!

Josiah said he saw him sitting at the bottom of our street steps gazing up at the door waiting patiently for it to open. He said it looked for all the World as if the kitten had been given our address and hurried over to make our acquaintance.

"I would not have been surprised to see him with a little valise, Eff, with a collar and some dried fish inside, ready to move in."

So now Dauncey is a resident, alongside Josiah, myself, Villiers and the maid. I am beginning to see why Boo always looks so exhausted - small creatures are so full of energy they leave no room for any of one's own. And we make quite the happy household. If I listened hard enough I am sure I could hear every one of us purring with contentment.

New rooms, old friends

2008-02-22T07:48:00.006Z

Sydney Walk
October 14th 1852

This London arrival has been quieter than others. Josiah placed the usual announcement in the newspaper but as yet we have had no callers. I wonder whether we are a little too far away from the centre of London? The rooms are not as well appointed as we have been used to, but nobody could know that until they have visited. Villiers is delighted to be here, he says, as there is so much to do in the evenings. He dashes straight out the moment he is off duty but Josiah and I have yet to venture out after dark - the party season is not quite upon us and we have no wish to go walking abroad just for pleasure.

Even Boo has not been here. I called at hers almost the day we set foot in the City and she was welcoming and warm as ever, but when I invited her to bring Little Bradstone to Sydney Walk she was hesitant and soon found something trivial to discuss instead. I must find out why she does not wish to see us here.

In truth, Bradstone is not so little now, he strides about their house with his hands on his hips like a true gentleman and barks his orders at their maid as if he were born to mastery. It is very amusing to witness and has made me see Boo's husband in quite a different light.

Josiah is busy again, investigating some business idea or other with Mr Waterhouse and Mr Price. He said something about a machine which could harness invisible impulses in the air or some such; I was not properly attending when he told me. But it appears that this machine could make it possible for me to speak to Boo without her being in the same house! It all seems like fanciful nonsense to me but it is keeping him occupied and happy, which is more important.

I shall write again to Mrs Doughty to arrange a visit to the Press now that I am back. Josiah is not the only one to be kept busy with new enterprise.

Back in Touch

2008-02-15T13:19:00.002Z

Location

2008-02-15T12:39:00.003Z

Mr & Mrs Josiah Hatherwick are delighted to announce their
Winter Residence in London
at 25 Sydney Walk, Kensington
We shall be at home on Wednesdays after 2 o'clock

Property Search

2008-02-10T21:54:00.001Z

Eff

Belgrave Square already gone. Have other rooms to see later today. I will stay in Town now, so you must arrange to send our things on. Will send address as soon as secured.

Encountered Waterhouse, who likes the speaking machine idea. Investment needed, I shall approach your father.

Soon

JH

Seeing Double

2008-02-10T18:23:00.001Z

Blindingham Hall
September 25th 1852

It would seem that I have more in common with the Cornbenches than I thought.

Having returned home last week under the distinct impression that they had pity for me, I could not shake from my head the need to explain our 'situation' further. Quite why their opinion of me should matter I do not fully understand, but I wandered the Hall all the next day composing a speech giving my reasons for housing Cook in her hour of need. Surely they would not expect me to abandon her for ever in that hellish place full of madmen? I had thought it courteous to tell them of our impending absence - were they really concerned that Cook was to stay at Blindingham? I had clearly not explained myself properly and determined that I should see them once more before we leave for London.

So this afternoon, after waving Josiah off as he set out for London to secure our rooms for the Winter, I called Jennet and asked him to drive me over to Lydiatt House again. I had a note with me to leave with their maid if they were not at home, but as we turned up their approach I could see them all playing croquet on their upper lawns. I must say, they do seem to like to spend all their time together in a group. I wondered whether they all sleep in a huge bed and take their baths in an oversized bathtub so that they need never be separated for a moment. As Jennet stilled the horse, Mrs Cornbench swept up to me in the same alarming manner she had greeted me with before.

"Oh, my dear Mrs Hatherwick, how lucky we are to see you again so soon! Do you play?" She offered me her mallet but I did not take it. I could not see how to maintain my dignity and aim for a hoop at the same time. I was invited in to take tea and the whole family settled round me as I drank it. Really, I am sure they must be attached to each other by fine cord.

"I am sure you must be wondering what this second visit is concerning, coming so soon as it does after the first," I began.

"Delighted to see you my dear, couldn't be soon enough!" said Mr Cornbench, beaming at me. "I was only saying to my wife this morning what a pleasure it was to have met you. We have made your husband's acquaintance recently, too. He is quite a character, is he not? A memorable man, we thought." They glanced at each other like naughty children in the schoolroom. I, of course, had no idea they knew Josiah or what he must have done to earn himself such a queer description.

I hardly knew how to continue, but I simply had to explain about poor Cook.

"Mr Hatherwick and I are conscientious employers, Mr Cornbench. We could no more watch a faithful servant suffer than we could pull out our own teeth," I said.

"Of course you couldn't, anyone can see you are the most caring of people," answered he, with a slightly nervous laugh. They looked at each other and then back at me and both smiled as though I had told them a most amusing joke. It occurred to me that they might know more about lunacy than one would have imagined. That would explain why none of them was ever left alone, I suppose.

I told them about Cook's illness as well as I could and they said they had heard talk in the village a year or so ago about Mrs Everdown finding her collapsed on the Green on more than one occasion. It seems she sometimes became unwell after visiting the ale-house to look for Jennet. This was disturbing news to me, since I had thought she was only ever taken ill at the Hall. And since I do not for one moment believe Jennet to be the sort of man who frequents ale-houses, I can think of no reason why she would expect him to be there. I should not be surprised to discover that the poor woman witnessed some abominable sights in there and was overcome with shock.

As I was digesting this new piece of information, Mrs Cornbench spoke gently to me.

"Mrs Hatherwick, please do not spend a moment of your time in London worrying about what is happening here. As I said before, we are more than happy to visit the Hall regularly to keep watch over your staff. It is no trouble at all to us to help ensure you have an enjoyable Winter. It would be a pleasure, wouldn't it Arthur?" She touched my sleeve with her tiny little hands and smiled at her husband, again.

After a while I decided we had said enough about the matter. I thanked them for their kind offer and agreed that they would be allowed in whenever they chose to call. I promised to send them our address as soon as I knew it, in case they needed to contact me. Not that anything untoward would happen, they assured me.

As I went to leave the house I passed the open door of a room I assumed was Mr Cornbench's study. He has an Indian Tea-chest exactly like the one Papa gave me! I did not mention it - to do so would have been an admission that I had been looking too closely into a private room - but I was amazed to learn that there are two such chests in the County. I must mention Mr Cornbench's name to Papa - perhaps they were travelling in the Indias at the same time - heavens, they may even know of each other! Papa may be able to confirm whether or not Mr Cornbench is as unhinged as he seems.....

Neighbourhood Watch

2008-02-01T21:17:00.001Z

B'ham Hall September 16th 1852

I had occasion to visit our nearest neighbours yesterday. Mr Cornbench and his tiny wife have lived at Lydiatt House for a good few years now and have become established in the village almost as soundly as Josiah and I. They are a nice enough couple and she, despite being no bigger than a sparrow, has produced two strapping boys and a brace of girls. I do not warm to them, though, for reasons I can not fully express. However, being the next family after ours in importance, I felt I should apprise them of our plans to spend the Winter in Town, leaving a lunatic living in the Hall. I hesitated, of course, to refer to Cook in such terms directly, but I cannot pretend in this my journal that she is anything other. If she runs finally mad and burns the hall to its foundations, I feel it my duty to have warned the Cornbenches in case they wonder what the distant fires might be...

Jennet drove me over to Lydiatt - it is too far to walk even though it can be clearly seen from the belltower here - and I found the whole family at dinner together. Mr Cornbench was carving a fine bird and the children were singing some nursery song or rhyme to their mother. They do not stand on ceremony overmuch so the maid had shown me straight into the dining room with no announcement at all, like a physician in an emergency. The children broke off singing as I removed my cloak.

"My dear Mrs Hatherwick!" cried Mrs Cornbench as she swept towards me "How lovely to see you in our home. Please excuse our being at table." She motioned one of the boys aside and I was welcomed to sit between him and his mother as if I had lived with them all my life. "Would you care for some guinea fowl, my dear?" said Mr Cornbench as he drew his knives together, "We have been saddened to hear of your situation, lately and have been wondering how we could be of assistance."

I flushed as red as the cranberry sauce on the table. Villiers, or somebody, must have spoken freely about poor Cook and now we were the talk of the village!

"We are happy that our 'situation', as you put it, is proving to be of some helpfulness to those less fortunate than ourselves." I answered. 'How refreshing that you view it in that way!" said he, passing me a plate laden with the best cut of the bird.

Remembering the reason for my visit, I told them in the least alarming terms I could muster that they were now neighbours to a Hall peopled entirely by servants and half-wits (I include the Everdown girl in this, of course). Mrs Cornbench was not at all perturbed at the news and even offered to send her staff over daily to check that all is in order. She held my arm and assured me that Josiah and I must not give Blindingham a second thought while we are away. Her husband and sons all nodded their commitment to keeping a wary eye on my home.

I should be feeling happier to leave for London, I suppose, but I cannot help wondering why they seemed so keen to come to our aid. I do not want their servants wandering in the Hall every day. I shall tell Josiah of their offer and see if he thinks it a generous one. I do hope they are not simply in awe of us and planning to pretend to own the Hall in our absence.

Respite

2008-02-01T20:32:00.000Z

Dearest Boo

Now that the cooler winds are upon us, I can feel us being pulled ever closer to London - I am beside myself in anticipation of seeing you all again! Josiah is planning to come up very soon to secure our rooms. I am hoping we can be in Brunswick Square again and I know Josiah is keen to be near his old associate - you know, the one we have allowed the Girl to work for over the Summer. I have been quite firm about not wishing that arrangement to continue and have insisted that her wages are not paid by us for as long as she is in his household. I had to warn Josiah that I should be taking advice from Papa if he did not accede to my wishes and he was horribly stern with me in retaliation, but he assured me the Girl's income would be found from elsewhere and so I am satisfied. After all, the widower for whom she works cannot be in want of funds, living as he does at such a fine address.

Do you remember me telling you about the man from the village who had inspired Jennet with his talk of Chinese furniture, or some such notion? Well you would not recognise Blindingham now - it is practically stripped bare. Oh, it is such an improvement, Boo, you must be careful I do not call upon you to cast your belongings aside as well! Josiah has been most assiduous in his paring down operation and almost all the heavy things, which he says had been sucking the energy from us, are all gone - banished to the lumber rooms in the servants' quarters, he says. It is a remarkably freeing experience to wander the rooms downstairs now. Instead of weaving my way carefully amongst the chairs and sideboards I can dance like a dervish from one doorway to the next! Really, I cannot recommend it enough.

In my excitement about coming back to London I quite forgot about poor Cook, whose mind is still unravelled I am sorry to report. I will not countenance bringing her with us - the bustle and noise would be too much for her fragile senses to bear - so I have left Josiah to decide whether to leave her in Mrs Everdown's care or keep the Nurse on. I confess that I am so keen to relax my own duties where she is concerned that I do not much care which decision he makes.

So, we shall soon be Londoners together again.

Til October!

yrs

Effx

Clearance

2008-01-31T21:58:00.001Z

B'ham Hall September 3rd

I never cease to thank Our Lord that I am married to Josiah. Of late, he has taken to urging me to take more rest during the afternoons. He knows I am frequently drained by the constant attention I pay to Cook and he is becoming concerned for my health, the sweet angel. He is also assuming more household responsibility, I have noticed. Only yesterday, I came down from a most refreshing nap to find him overseeing the cleaning of the entrance hall. He had instructed the servants to remove all the furniture, the better to effect a thorough sweeping of the floors, and he was urging the undermaids to do their utmost to shine every surface in sight. I did not feel it my place to interfere - indeed I was glad to see him so involved in the domestic arrangements here. I have in the past been overwhelmed with the responsibility myself. I have been meaning to construct an inventory of furniture and ornaments for a good while but have simply not felt up to the task. So, if Josiah wishes to undertake such a duty I can do nothing but stand back and allow him his freedom.

This afternoon, as I wandered back through the entrance hall after completing my turn of duty with Cook, I was struck by the brightness and fresh welcome of the place. The dark stuffy pieces of furniture, most of which came with me from Hangerworth, have not returned to their place in the hall. Josiah will have found a hiding place for them all in one of the upper floors, I expect. In their stead are some delightful plants in pretty pots, which give one the distinct feeling that one might still be in the garden! How well he knows me and how much I love to feel the outdoors all around me. I do not miss the chairs, or the tables, or even that huge chest which Papa brought back with him from the Indias. I love the open greenery that has taken their place. That is why I thank the very Heavens for sending me Josiah!

Under Pressure

2008-01-24T20:39:00.000Z

Blindingham Hall
August 26th 1852

This has been a monstrous day, the like of which I hope never to endure again!

I have been concerned that word of Cook's fancy and aspect had got to the village - I have received some strange glances on my way around the place lately - and this afternoon I was proved tragically right.

As I walked with Cook in my small garden this afternoon, we thought we could hear whispering and laughter - at first I thought it must be Nurse since she has such an engaging nature and is often to be heard showing her amusement at Josiah's instruction. Indeed I wish it had been them, for then the rest of the day's dreadful events would not have taken place....

I looked up from helping Cook to sit on my iron reading seat and was truly shocked to see before me a gaggle of smudge-faced boys staring at us over the hedge. I knew them to be village boys at once - there is a certain physiological similarity about many of the children in Blindingham -there can be no questioning their parentage when so many of them clearly come from village stock. I moved towards Cook to protect her from view, but too late I realised they had seen more than enough. Emboldened by the dividing hedge, these boys began to jeer at poor Cook and some of them even threw small apples at her. She stood up and smiled at them, offering a sight gruesome enough to frighten even the hardest of ruffians, I should have thought. But at her stumbling approach, the boys grew more confident in their chanting and fruit tossing. So there she was walking unsteadily towards them and there they were, encouraging her with open disdain, which she appeared to take as confirmation of her status as Mistress of the hall. I was frozen with horror.

I called to the boys to desist and to go home before I reported them to their fathers, who would have been powerless to stop them I am sure. The boys were not surprisingly quite fearless at the thought of being chastised by such a collection of wastrels and redoubled their jeering at Cook and, now, at myself.

After a few more minutes of this I began shouting for the staff - they did not hear me at first, which is precisely why we were in that section of the gardens to begin with - and it was not until I shouted "Help, we are overrun with boys!" that salvation came in the form of Villiers who appeared, breathless in our midst. I have never been so pleased to see him, I do not mind confessing.

Villiers walked calmly towards the boys, who all stopped shouting and stared at him. He was silent for a while, looking at each boy in turn as if sizing him up for work, and then he said "Is there any one of you who wishes to come further into the garden and meet this fine lady, who has served The Hatherwicks royally and who is known fondly to your parents, even if you are not." I was struck with admiration for his poise, and the boys themselves were open mouthed in awe of him. He paused for a mere moment and then whispered " Now, which of you would like to come forward?"

All but one of those urchins turned and fled.

Cook whimpered a little at their flight and started to ask me where her subjects had gone. I did my best to soothe her and help her back into the kitchen, hoping that this sorry and frightening episode was ended. I hoped too soon. The next thing I heard was a tiny, terrified voice pleading not to be hurt. I turned and saw the most alarming sight - Villiers was dragging the boy in through the window to the garden room, brandishing one of Josiah's paperweights and bellowing that the boy was about to receive the hiding of his life! I concerned myself with making sure that Cook was safely returned to her rooms - interrupting Josiah and the Nurse as he was teaching her the appropriate way to arrange patient's clothing should they become distressed whilst in her care. He is a very thorough employer, I must say, so he was irked at having to leave his instruction to go downstairs and deal with the situation. Nurse then helped me to get Cook into bed and I went directly to my dressing room to calm down.

I understood at dinner tonight that Josiah and Villiers have ensured that the boy, and probably his entire family and friends, will never return. I do not know exactly what they did and have no wish to be enlightened further. It is enough for me to know that I am protected by a brave servant and a commanding husband. That is more than I could wish for. I shall sleep soundly in my bed tonight and I trust the same can be said for Cook and for Villiers. The boy, I'll wager, will not sleep soundly for some time.

Recipe for the Cook

2008-01-21T12:48:00.001Z

Blindingham Hall
August 23rd 1852

Dear, Dear Boo

I am so weary of playing nursemaid! I have asked Josiah if he will let Villiers come with me to London - I am beside myself with the need to see you and LB, and Mrs Doughty and all my friends - but he says he cannot spare me from the Hall, not even for a day. I am not entirely sure what it is he needs me for, since he is hidden away in his office much of the day and overseeing the Nurse's progress in the late afternoons. She is a very capable girl and I have told Josiah that I do not think she needs daily supervision, but he insists that Cook deserves only the finest of staff to attend her and that the Nurse is still in need of some training. He is a very conscientious man, my husband, Boo, as you know. So much so that he has asked me to consider keeping the Nurse on after Cook has recovered. He wishes to retain her services so that we may look after other unfortunates, should we ever encounter any. I am overcome with admiration at his thoughtfulness and shall agree to his request.

I walk with Cook in the afternoons now. She is robust enough to withstand a stroll in my little garden, which is by far the best place since it is not overlooked and we can be sure no staff can watch us. No-one approaching from the village would ever see her, thank goodness, because she does present an alarming vision to someone unused to her condition. She has begun to fancy herself as Mistress of the Hall and is wont to give me instructions as I walk with her! I do not correct this delusion - indeed it can be quite amusing - but I do not carry out her orders, of course. She does not notice my insubordination, poor woman, and I have no wish to distress her further by asserting my true position.

My concern is with her appearance, Boo, really you should see her. Nurse gave her some clothes belonging to Josiah's Mama - who has been dead for fifteen years - and dresses her hair each morning in a variety of mountainous arrangements which make her feel quite the fashionable lady. Nurse then allows Cook to wander around the rooms she is occupying as if she were in charge. Her delusion, which gives her a frighteningly haughty demeanour, is thus fuelled by our actions. I do wonder whether this is the best course of treatment for the poor soul, but Josiah assures me that he and Nurse have drawn up a plan which requires us to pander to her fantasies for a while longer. I am tiring of it and should love to see you, as I say, but I fear that cannot be.

This has been the longest Summer in memory. Josiah is already talking about our Winter in London - I simply can not wait!

Yrs

Effie x

Direct Speech

2008-01-16T22:29:00.000Z

Blindingham Hall
August 8th 1852

While I wrote to Boo earlier today, I told her I wished to find a new avenue of employment for Josiah. The very act of writing has made me think. I am so fond of Boo and so familiar with her that I feel shy using formal letters to communicate with her. Sometimes I wonder how it would be if I could be in instant contact with her even though she is so far away. I attended a lecture in the Village last month on the Wonders of Modern Science. I would not normally attend such a dreary sounding event but I wished my presence to be noted by certain persons I knew would be there. Luckily I did manage to spend a good deal of the lecture catching the eye of some people of influence in village matters. The lecture dealt with findings of a Mr Faraday and others whose names I cannot now recall. Mr Faraday has apparently spent twenty years - goodness me - working on something I did not grasp but which made me think of an idea. I dreamt of distant speech. How lovely it would be if I could be in touch with Boo, or anyone else for that matter, without the necessity of a boy, a postbag and a horse? What if there were a machine that could allow me to speak to her direct?

I shall speak to Josiah at breakfast and ask him if he could put his entrepreneurial mind to such a marvel!

Ladygardening

2008-01-16T22:03:00.001Z

Dearest Boo

I have discovered a passion for husbandry!

I was in desperate need of something to distract me from the daily task of caring for Cook - I spend an hour with her every single afternoon, Boo, and I am drained as a result. I mentioned to Villiers that I wished for some creative outlet and the next thing I knew he had presented Jennet at the kitchen door, both of them flushed with enthusiasm for my new venture.

So now I have become a keen gardener. I do not dig or weed, of course, I am far too slight to manage the utensils needed for that. Jennet is better suited to the heavy work. But I have become quite adept at pulling away dead leaves and flower heads hanging there beyond their allotted time. I am able to see which plants look well with others and can even make a drawing of a proper garden plan. Oh, but it is so pleasing, Boo. You would not, as a Londoner, know the pleasure to be got from the land!

I am to be found most evenings walking amongst my flowers and shrubs, giving them gentle encouragement and a little nourishment if they need it. Josiah has given me a basket for collecting cuttings, bless him. He sits sometimes on the bench to watch me but I know he is keen to get back to business. I am trying to think of a new direction for him but have such an empty head by the afternoons that I fear I am little use to him. He is such a generous man, my husband, that he freely gives his time helping the Nurse to care for Cook. I knew he was a kind and thoughtful soul, Boo, but I did not honestly expect him to take his responsibility to her so seriously. I suspect Mrs Everdown does not much care for Josiah, but it is of no matter as their paths need hardly cross.

I trust you and Mrs Doughty have walked enough around Town to choose new Offices for the Press? When you have the time, do please come down and visit. We shall not give a lavish party as we did last year - it would not be fair to frighten Cook with such crowds and revelry - but I still ache for congenial company. Do come to Blindingham if you can?

Yrs

Effie x

Blood Money

2008-01-11T21:49:00.001Z

Blindingham Hall
August 3rd 1852

Looking after Cook is proving to be a taxing business. The Nurse does what she can, but I do not wish to leave the poor raving creature in her care all day, so I could not possibly spare any time for a trip up to London. I have assuaged my guilt at leaving all the Press work to Boo and Mrs Doughty by lightening their load a little and sending a sum of money to help ease their search. I can only hope they will not view this as negligence. I am too tired to write this journal any more tonight. I shall sleep as well as I can and prepare myself for another morning with the patient.

Wherewithal

2008-01-11T21:47:00.001Z

News from the front

2008-01-11T21:01:00.000Z

Hawksmoor Lane
London
July 23rd 1852

Dear Euphemia

I trust you are well, and will not mind my interrupting your Summer in the country with my metropolitan prattle. Your absence from our social - and business - lives is a trial we must bear, my dear, but we cannot forget you entirely. We spoke fondly of you when I was last at Mrs Pitt's home. Indeed, Rowena and I spent a most enjoyable few minutes remembering that spectacular Ball we were lucky enough to attend.

The purpose of this letter is not simply to tell you how keenly we miss you, dear Euphemia, although that would be a perfectly good reason to write. My intention is to inform you of the progress of the press girls. Mrs Pitt and I are excited to announce that we are in need of new premises to house our expanding workload and burgeoning workforce. It is in no small measure thanks to you that we can plan so confidently for our future. You may be in the country for the Summer, but you are a London Lady entrepreneur all year round, Euphemia, and you should be proud of your contribution.

The move will require funding, of course, and Mrs Pitt and I are spending a good deal of time searching the City for suitable premises. When we have some addresses to show you, do you think you might be able to come to Town to help us choose wisely? I do hope you can.

I cannot leave off writing without telling you that Little Bradstone is becoming a lively child with a great reserves of energy and vigour. I come from a generation who hid their children away in nurseries and schoolrooms, so to take tea in the company of the boy and his playmates was certainly enlightening. Being a spinster myself, I am unused to the chatter and clatter of children. My head only just seems clear of it after two days.

So, dear Euphemia, enjoy your rural sojourn happy in the knowledge that your city friends are keeping your interests safe.

Yours in great affection

Sarah Doughty

Bounty

2008-01-07T18:54:00.000Z

Blindingham
June 3rd 1852

Josiah has surprised and impressed me. I mentioned that Cook was in a dreadful position and that I could hardly sleep for my concerns. I was trying to work out how best I could raise the subject of our bringing her here when he announced that he would not stand to see her so cruelly treated and that we should collect her at once! Bless his compassionate heart!

His only condition was that we should employ a nurse to care for her. He seemed confident that a girl from the village would do perfectly well and instructed Villiers to place notices in the little shop and in the Church meeting rooms. How thoughtful he is. We have had a steady stream of applicants over the past two days and once Josiah has made his decision we shall send immediately for Cook. I shall make sure she is cared for until she recovers, or until she is beyond saving, whichever is the sooner. She shall have rooms in the West Wing of the Hall, where she will be able to see the sun from her windows. I am not sure she should walk in the grounds yet - her infirmity means she is given to fits of raving and I should not like visitors to have to see that. I feel quite emotional at the prospect of rewarding her years of service to us!

Loyalty

2008-01-07T18:52:00.001Z

Bedlam

2008-01-07T16:43:00.001Z

Blindingham
May 27th 1852

May the Lord save me from ill-health and infirmity. I decided to repay Mrs Everdown's loyal service by re-engaging her silly daughter as a maid. I reasoned that her parlous misuse of the mangle could not be replicated with hair combs and I was, to an extent, correct. So, newly dressed and arranged, I set off for Horsham to see Cook.

I have never been in such a terrible place and pray that I shall have no need to return. I do not refer to Horsham as a whole, of course, but to its hospital for the demented, where Cook has been incarcerated for the past three months. My journey was spent listening to the carriage driver slavering over gruesome tales of the inmates there, to the point that when we turned into the gates of the hospital I could not help but cry out. How, then, must it feel to be taken there against one's will?

The sound of the inmates was the sound of hell itself. Crying, cursing and keening in turns. I should have run mad there myself in minutes.

Cook was brought to me shackled to a miserable nurse who looked no better than the patients. I wept to see her. She was thin with dull eyes and dank hair. Her cheeks were paler than my washstand. She has not seen daylight since she arrived there, I shouldn't wonder. She thanked me for coming and began to apologise for leaving the Hall without proper instructions for its maintenance. I begged her not to be concerned with domestic matters but to concentrate on getting herself well - I fear, though, if I am truthful, that she may never leave that place. The poor, deranged soul. I gave the matron a sum of money and insisted it be spent on Cook's personal upkeep since I could not bear to see her so dishevelled.

The carriage ride home was no more comfortable than before and I was glad to see the lights of Blindingham welcoming me home. The new maid was kind enough to comfort me as she prepared me for bed, but I spent a terrible night thinking about how Cook would manage. I shall speak to Josiah and try to arrange special nursing for her. For two pins I would have her back here with us and care for her myself - if only I could be sure she would not come to, or cause us, any harm.