Dread Wedlock

Sydney Walk
July 5th 1853



Boo is such a wise and dear friend to me. I sat in her parlour for an hour this afternoon, with her doe eyed baby drooling into my skirts and LB giving orders to his toy soldiers in the corner. Boo looked so calm and happy even though I know she has the pressures of business at her shoulder all the time. I twiddled Angelina's fingers in my own as I poured out my woes to my friend.

I told her about Villiers' outburst and described the callous merriment with which Josiah greeted the news. I have been beside myself with fear at the thought of Villiers leaving and could not for one moment understand what Josiah found so amusing. I told Boo everything that had passed between us all. She - wise owl that she is - was silent throughout my story. When I had finished she said,

"Eff - has there been any news from the country?" At first I considered the possibility that she had not heard my tale and was simply offering a pleasantry. "What on earth does that have to do with it?" I asked her - a little curtly, I confess.

"Well, have you asked Villiers why he wishes to leave? Has he received distressing news from his family perhaps?" Bless Boo, I would never have thought of his own life outside my household. I felt almost ashamed.

I thought back to that morning's post and really could remember nothing arriving for Villiers' attention. In fact he had not been sent any personal communication for a long time, not since Cook stopped writing to him when they had to start strapping her to the bed in that hellhole in Horsham.

I told Boo,

"No, he had had no news. In fact the only letter we have had this whole nine days was that morning. It was a note to Josiah from Jennet back in Blindingham, asking us to allow him a day off in August so he can celebrate his wedding to that stupid child who used to work for us. You remember, Mrs Everdown's daughter - the one who could break a canteen of china just by looking at it. Josiah laughed and laughed at this thought. In fact now I think of it he made special efforts to find Villiers to tell him the news - not that he could speak for guffawing."

Boo took a little time to think about the picture I had painted for her. Then she said,

"Jennet is to marry a girl from the village? Why? Is she with child?"

"Boo! I have not the slightest knowledge or interest in her physical state. If she is to have a child I can only weep for its blighted future. Why are you bothering to ask about her, when it is Villiers and my imminent abandonment I have come to discuss?"

Boo wandered over to me, sweeping a few of LB's soldiers from their viewing station as she did so. He gave her a look of utter disdain and replaced his men to their positions. She took Angelina from me and rang for the wet nurse - I was grateful for this as the child's dribbling and squeaking had become quite tiresome. After the nurse had taken the baby, Boo sat next to me, took my hand and said calmly,

"My dearest Eff, you are such a booby sometimes. Surely you can see that Jennet's marriage is the cause of Villiers' distress?" I could see no such thing, I assured her. "Poor old Villiers was being made fun of by Josiah and couldn't bear it. If you wish him to stay in your employ your only hope is to beg your husband to atone for his behaviour."

I had another cup of tea and then came home, still a little confused as to why Jennet's nuptials should cause Villiers such pain.

And then of course I realised. My poor loyal servant must have been in love with that idiot all along!

That is why he encouraged us to give her mother a job and why he was angry when Josiah dismissed her for her incompetence. I can see it all now. Villiers loves that silly girl and cannot bear for Jennet to have her. I must see what I can do to prevent the wedding, if that will keep Villiers with us. Unless of course she is indeed in a predicament, in which case I must do all I can to force Josiah to act responsibly. As master of Blindingham he has a duty to care for the staff, past and present. I shall get straight to sorting the matter out to the satisfaction of all of us - I will not go on without Villiers and Josiah must see that I need reassurance that he will take the situation in hand.

So, Boo has proved her superiority in domestic affairs once more. She is a marvel and I am blessed in her friendship. I wish her life were mine in many ways, but I love her too dearly to wish my life were hers.

Agony Aunt

Sydney Walk
July 4th 1853


My Dearest Boo

It seems so long since I last saw you! I understand that domestic bliss is a perfectly acceptable reason for social inactivity - please do not think I blame you for our distance. But it is true that domestic upheaval can have a similar effect and I so need to ask your advice!

Villiers has given notice to leave us and Josiah is refusing to ask him to stay. I am at my wits' end with the stubbornness of the males in my household. I simply cannot countenance life without Villiers. Please let me call upon you at your earliest convenience so that you can tell me what on earth I must do - you are so clever at knowing how to handle my husband.

Love to LB and A,

Yrs

E

High Dudgeon

Sydney Walk
July 3rd 1853

The most dreadful thing has happened. I was sitting at my desk before lunch, preparing to write my household menu instructions for the week, when Villiers came barging in without knocking or coughing. I confess I have become a little lax in not insisting that he should wait to be admitted to the room, but still I was taken aback by the manner he chose to attract my attention.

He stood in the middle of my rug, waving his hands around his head and making mewing noises a little like those Dauncey makes when he has not been allowed outside for a while. I asked Villiers whatever the matter was and it was a good minute before he could compose himself to answer.

"I'm sorry Ma'am, but I cannot stay silent any longer!", he screeched. "It is more than a man should be asked to bear!" I reminded him gently that he was not addressing me as a man, but as my servant and told him to calm down and tell me what was causing such distress. As I watched him try to observe the correct protocol in his dealings with me, I thought of the scene I had witnessed in which he cast the Girl adrift with only her bags and her child for warmth. I have often remarked to Josiah that Villiers is something of a conundrum and this performance only served to convince me I am right.

"Ma'am" he started, a little less shrilly than before, "I have served you well for a good number of years, have I not?"

"You have, indeed, Villiers. Mr Hatherwick and I are most satisfied with your work."

"Thank you. Might I be allowed to assume that I should command some respect as a valued servant?"

He began to whimper again slightly, so I stood up from my chair and moved towards him. His hands flapped and he leapt back as if I had brandished a sword in his face.

"Ma'am! Please do not be angry with me! (I had shown not the slightest emotion at this point, believing that Villiers was conveying emotion enough for both of us) I am a loyal servant to you - more loyal than you know if Our Lord ever gives his account - but this is too much. Too much!"

"What is too much, Villiers? I have no idea what is distressing you so," I answered. "Please, contain yourself and give me some idea of what is going on."

When I said that, he snorted and smirked like a dog on a short leash.

"If ma'am had even the smallest notion of What is Going On, we should all be undone!" he cried. I remained outwardly calm but in truth was growing increasingly alarmed by this behaviour. Usually, Villiers' nervous excesses cannot be sustained for long, but he seemed set fair for a full attack. I motioned to him that he might wish to take a seat, noting to myself at the same time that I had never seen him seated in my presence. He was sensible enough, even in his heightened state, not to accept my offer.

"I think it best if I give notice to you now, Ma'am, of my intention to leave your employ at the earliest opportunity," he said eventually. "I hold you in high regard and have enjoyed serving you - not that my personal pleasure should be a matter for your concern."

Really, he was speaking in the most inappropriate manner. I did not think for a moment that he was serious but he carried on,

"I shall stay here until the end of this month to allow you sufficient time to seek a replacement for me. But if you have found none such by that time, I am afraid you shall have to carry on without your most loyal and hardworking manservant."

Before I had a chance to speak, he swept from my room, without closing the door. He has taken to leaving rooms without being dismissed but that was such a minor insubordination that I had never asked Josiah to reprimand him for it. I regretted that, as I watched him turn and rush away from me before I could find out what had caused the outburst.

I find myself quite distraught at the prospect of Villiers leaving us. Quite apart from my love and respect for Josiah, I have come to regard Villiers as the most reliable and stable presence in the Hatherwick household. I must demand that Josiah does not allow him to leave. Throughout the upheaval of the fire at Blindingham, the violence shown to Papa, the loss of my precious jewellery and the incompetence - or madness - of our other servants, Villiers has always given me good advice and constant, dutiful care. Despite his twittery and high drama, I have come to regard him as my rock.

Truth and Lies

June 29th 1853
Sydney Walk

I am still shaking - though whether it is with emotion at hearing from Mama or anger at Josiah's attitude I cannot be sure. I have not sent word to Papa yet and, despite my resolve to say nothing of recent events to Josiah, I have been such a worry-piece that he could not help but notice. My attempts at dismissing his questions failed and I was forced to tell him exactly why I have been so distracted. I love my husband dearly and do not wish to be a cause of concern to him - it is my job to rid him of thoughts that may aggrieve him, after all. So when he demanded that I tell him what my 'obvious secret' was, I could not deny him.

Needless to say, he was not as excited by my news as I had hoped. After listening to me for a good few minutes he began to rage and storm about the room - I became quite concerned that Villiers would knock to see what was afoot. Josiah shouted about charlatans and crooks in such an agitated manner that I had to promise I would never go to Highgate again, not on any premise. He has forbidden me to discuss that evening with anyone - especially Papa - and was unnecessarily cruel in his assertion that I had been taken for an idiot by the lady I saw.

I suppose it is possible that I may have been the victim of a terrible hoax. Josiah seems surprisingly knowledgeable on the subject of extortion and fraud and I am lucky that he wishes to protect me - but I cannot think the woman to have been so devious. After all, she spoke to Mama - I heard her do so. No, I am sure my husband is mistaken. I shall visit this lady again - but I will wait until Josiah is back supping with the Cornbenches at Blindingham before I do.

To Highgate and Beyond

Sydney Walk
June 26th 1853

I have heard from her! I have heard from my beautiful dear Mama!

Josiah returned from Blindingham this afternoon in a black mood - something to do with cement, I think he said - and instead of sitting at his knee all night listening to stories about the Hall, I went to a spiritualist meeting. He was incensed but could not stop me in my excitement. He said it was a lot of ungodly nonsense but I did not obey his wish that I should stay in. What a terrible wife I am! I begged Villiers to hurry with arranging the carriage so that my whirlwind of cloaks, shoes and kissing Dauncey goodbye was too much for Josiah's weary soul to overcome.

And I am glad that I defied my husband's expressed wishes, for this evening I have received messages from my own darling mother. She whose corporeal presence left this world fifteen years ago!

I had received a note from Mrs Hayden's representatives in England saying that she had returned to America almost immediately after the night Papa and I saw her. She had allowed for a heightened interest in her subject, though, and had authorised a number of persons here in London to carry out her work. I marvel at the capacity of so many people to speak to the dead - and how lucky we are that they should unearth such a talent just at the time so many of us should clamour for their services.

I was invited to a private meeting - 'reading' they called it, but there was no printed material on display (or else I should have spied an opportunity for the Press girls, I am certain). This 'reading' was held in an otherwise quite unremarkable house in Highgate, some way out of London. When I arrived I was shown into a curtained booth with a beautiful lamp on the table. The lamp gave off a darkened reddish glow and I sat for quite some time in solitude. I set to thinking, naturally, about whether Mama could see me and am such a silly that I even smoothed my hair in case she thought me unkempt from the journey.

After my wait, a lady entered the booth and came to sit opposite me. Heavens, but she was strange looking! She had a pale face, quite smooth for a woman who seemed to be as old as Mrs Doughty, but with dark eyes and cruelly thin lips. Her dress looked very much like the curtains she had just come through and put me in mind of something I might like to see at Blindingham but before I could think any further she grabbed my hand and addressed me,

"My child, you have suffered a loss, have you not?" she spoke in a faint voice, but one which I could clearly hear. I stayed silent.

"Have you, my dear, have you lost a loved one? I am sure that you have. I have someone here who wishes to speak to you."

I looked around me but could see no-one else.

"Who are you wishing to contact, child? Tell me."

I felt a little foolish but I answered her anyway,

"I should love to speak to Mama if I can," I whispered.

"Your Mama, you say?"

"Yes."

She closed her eyes and lifted her face to the ceiling, breathing in noisily as she did so. Then she said,

"Your Mama is here, child. She asks me to tell you she loves you,"

Oh! I set to sobbing almost straight away! Mama, to whom I had not spoken since childhood, was in the booth with me - I could not see her but I knew she was there! Oh, mama!

"Collect yourself, my dear, the spirits will not speak in the presence of such distress," she handed me a linen kerchief and I dried my eyes as best I could. The lady waited for me to become calm and then she said,

"You have much to say to your Mama, my dear, but I cannot keep her here for long. Tell me, what is it you would like your mother to help you understand?"

I had not thought of a question, so just said the first thing that came into my mind.

"Will Josiah be prosperous, Mama? And will I ever know the love of my own child, as you knew mine for you?" I held the kerchief tight in my hands.

"I am listening...yes....she is indeed a beauty.....very well, that is what I shall tell her." The lady was speaking but not to me - she was speaking to Mama. Soon, she lowered her face and looked at me,

"My child, your Mama is proud of you - she says you are as beautiful as she knew you would be. As for your husband , he will be all that you expect of him."

I was immediately comforted to hear that.

"And a child?" I asked.

"Yes.....what is that you say?.....as you wish." The lady looked directly into my watery eyes and said,

"Your Mama knows you will love any child that comes to you."

This was not quite the promise I had hoped for but I was so happy to be in Mama's presence that I did not feel it right to insist on any certainties.

Apparently, Mama faded quite soon after that exchange as the lady slumped alarmingly in her chair, declaring Mama had left her. No matter, I had heard from her and I was happy!

As I left the booth a maid held out a silver plate, into which I placed some coins in payment for the reading. I asked if I might be able to come back and speak again with Mama, and was assured that I could make an appointment whenever I wished. The next thing I knew, I was out in the Highgate air and climbing back into my carriage. I felt drained and fulfilled in equal measure - truly, it has been the most remarkable experience!

Josiah had retired by the time I got home, so I have not yet told him what transpired. Indeed, I may not go into detail with him until he shows himself to be a little more broad-minded on the matter. I will most definitely tell Papa, though, as soon as I can!

Loyalty card

Sydney Walk
June 19th 1853

Oh Boo!

This is the shortest of notes, I want to ask when it would be convenient for me to come and visit. I am starved of your company - and of cuddles from LB and Angelina - but, really, I have a plan which requires your sober attention before I begin to put it into action!

I am free at any time. Josiah is still at the Hall making sure the workmen are not spending all day in the Inn, drinking the money we pay them. He is a hard task master, as you know, and without him I do believe not a brick would be laid from dawn to dusk.

Anyway, I absolutely must come to see you as soon as you will let me. Will you let me?

Effie x

Contact arrangements

Sydney Walk
June 19th 1853

I wonder sometimes whether widowhood might not be preferable to abandonment. Josiah has written from Blindingham to say he is still required to oversee the building work. I have not seen him for three weeks and am going stupid with loneliness! I did send word back dutifully saying that of course he must do as he sees fit and that I am sure his presence is vital to the success of the refurbishment plans, but in truth I cannot see what benefit he is to those workmen at the moment. He is a planner and a thinker whose skill lies in enterprise, not labour.

But I must not appear shrewish in my letters to him. The darling man is making our future more secure, bless him. I only worry about his comfort - he needs good food and a warm bed at night, as any man does. I do not think Mrs Cornbench a substitute for a loving wife, although I am sure she is enough for Mr Cornbench.

I shall no longer fill this journal with lamentable pining for my husband! He will be home before I know it and besides I have a new activity to occupy myself. From now on I shall devote myself to nurturing Papa's relationship with Mrs Doughty. I have a mind to write Mrs Hayden, if she is still in the country, to see whether she might be willing to meet me in private. If she is open to the idea, I shall ask her to concentrate her powers on me and my departed - I should dearly love to know Mama's thoughts and will do all I can to carry out her ethereal wishes.

So when Josiah does return from the Hall, and from Mrs Cornbench's pinched ministrations, he shall find in me a much more spiritual and understanding woman. It will do me no harm to remind him what a wife he has in me!

Gooseberry Fool

Sydney Walk
June 17th 1853

I fear my confidence regarding Papa's happiness may be misplaced. He has developed a small obsession with Mrs Doughty which it has become my duty to manage. Ever since that astonishing evening in the Octagon Rooms he has insisted that I procure a meeting with Mrs Doughty at her earliest convenience. He talks of little else but her ability to satisfy his needs - quite what those needs might be I am not sure but he is adamant they must be met. I tried to tell him that she is not a woman who takes a man's needs much into consideration, but he gave me a pitying look and told me she was better equipped for such a task than I thought. Quite what he meant by that I could not deduce. He has mentioned in the past that his dealings with her have been most satisfying so she clearly holds some fascination for him.

I had been wondering why he should be so keen to transact his business with Mrs Doughty - he is most definitely unaware of her antipathy towards the male sex - and after some careful thought, the answer came to me. It is Mama, speaking to him through Mrs Hayden! Mama wants him to marry Mrs Doughty, thus providing him with a redoubtable wife and me with a mother as well as a friend. God Bless Mama and Mrs Hayden!

I am as excited as a new lamb and have invited Mrs Doughty to tea with us. I have tried to give her some prior notice of his intentions, such as I understand them. I feel unqualified to chaperone either of them but cannot bear the thought of her spurning his affection and causing him heart pain. I could not stand to see Papa rejected by such a fine person - and I know Mama will be watching us all with whatever anticipation is manifest in the disembodied. Oh, I could almost wish I had never challenged him to find us some new entertainment - and more so than that, I wish Josiah were here to tell me what I should do!

Four warnings

Sydney Walk
June 17th 1853


My Dear Mrs Doughty

I trust this letter finds you in good spirits. My reason for sending this note is to enquire whether you might like to join my Papa and me for afternoon day one day next week? I am normally 'at home' on Wednesdays, as you know, but I have recently been spending a good deal of time with Papa and he has expressed a particular wish to see you. He is a man of propriety, which is why the invitation is reaches you from my hand, not his, but I do wish to stress that he is most keen to further your acquaintance. I rather think he may be hatching an entrepreneurial proposition about which he would welcome your advice.

I know that you have met with Papa privately on previous occasions and that you and he are of a mind on many of the important issues of the day. Please do not be alarmed, therefore, if he begins to discuss a new avenue of thought with you. He has become somewhat enamoured of the fashion for communication with those who have gone before. He and I were present when Mrs Maria Hayden spoke recently in Chelsea. Really, she is a quite remarkable woman. She spoke normally for a good few minutes - just as I would speak to you - and then she became overwhelmed by voices from those we have lost. I could not possibly convey the feelings she aroused in me in this note, Mrs Doughty, nor will I try to. But it is enough for now to say that Papa was quite taken with the notion that the dead can alert us to our fate.

I write this simply to prepare you, Mrs Doughty, for what may seem at first to be the frailty of a decent man. I do hope you will not dismiss Papa if he grows vague whilst you talk to him - he has begun to fancy that he can hear my long past Mama and that she is tending to him in death as she did in life. I should be sorry if a woman of your compassion could not find it in herself to tolerate a good man's foibles. Tuesday would be best for us, if you are free - do send word as soon as you can.

Yours

Euphemia Hatherwick

Mentalism

Sydney Walk
June 10th 1853

Josiah is still in Blindingham and I must confess I am becoming weary of my own company. I fill my mornings well enough, what with dressing and entertaining Dauncey, but I find the late afternoons to be a time of dull reflection. Without Josiah to fuss over and plan meals for I find myself alarmingly unoccupied. I have resolved never to complain of being overworked by wifehood again!

I am to send funds down to Josiah so that he may entreat the builders to start work immediately. It seems they do not carry a stock of building materials, but must purchase them anew with each commission. I wonder that a man without his own tools may call himself a builder at all, but shall say nothing and send the money straight away - I am nearer to the completion of my own domestic plans and must concentrate on them.

Papa has done as I asked and found a fascinating new entertainment for us to enjoy. It is not something I have any notion of as yet so I am very excited to see what the evening will hold. Papa is sending a carriage for me and we are to go to the Octagon Rooms in Chelsea to witness a lady called Mrs Maria Hayden, who is presenting a talk on her experiences of communing with the dead. I simply cannot comprehend how this is possible, but it seems she is able to hear voices from beyond the grave. I pride myself on my open minded approach to new experiences and shall accompany Papa with great anticipation. Indeed, whether Mrs Hayden is a fraud or an occultist will be of the utmost fascination for me - and we may even find out how Mama is faring up in Heaven!

Alone again, naturally.

Sydney Walk
June 4th 1853


Josiah has been called back to Blindingham. There is some building work he is anxious to oversee - my opinion of the external elevation of the Hall is apparently not required. I have been instructed to stay in London and keep planning the interior decor, but shall take the opportunity of being set temporarily free of my wifely duties to concentrate on my business enterprise. I am sure Mrs Cornbench will provide ample substitution for a few days.

I will take the poetry books to the Press for Papa and will remind him that I am waiting to hear where he will take me for the evening. Dauncey and I have spent the afternoon eating snacks, so we are both a little fuller than we should be this close to suppertime. I have allowed the cook to go off for the evening, since my stomach is not so needy as Josiah's is after a day's work.

Before I retire tonight I will give my initial drawings and ideas book to Villiers to see whether he can suggest any soft furnishings I have not yet considered. I am very excited and often cannot sleep when Josiah is away. Mrs Doughty - who has slept alone since the day she was born by her account - assures me that a camomile preparation should help. I wonder if the cook has already gone out?

High Performance

Sydney Walk
June 2nd 1853


I have had such fun at poor Papa's expense! As I sat with him drinking tea and making a good effort to eat some of the biscuits Constance had presented, I could not help but tease him with vague references to the secret Boo had shared with me. I was much relieved by her reassurance and could barely conceal my amusement - I do not think he quite knew how to respond to me.


"Papa!" I said, happily, "How glad I am to see you looking so well. After what happened yesterday, I was......"

"Let us not speak of yesterday, Euphemia! " He put up his hand and reddenend slightly, "Much as it pains me to say it, I wish to hear news of Josiah, or Cook, or anyone you have had dealings with of late. What of your cat, is he quite grown up now?"

Papa never asks about Josiah, so I knew he was anxious to change the subject. I was in no mind to let him off so lightly, though.

"I will tell you everything that has happened since we last spoke, Papa, of course I will. You must act as though you are interested, though. I know my life is too silly for you to concentrate on but I insist you at least make a show of listening to me."

"Effie, my own dearest child - how can you think me disinterested in your doings? Who else should I care to listen to if not my own flesh and blood?" Papa looked most affronted by my words, but I pressed on.

"Papa you are very convincing - I almost believe you," I smiled at him, "But you have an intelligent mind - far more so than mine will ever be - and I cannot think you anything other than bored by my prattling. However, I must commend you on your artifice. You should be on the stage!"

I laughed so much at my joke that some biscuit crumbs became lodged in my throat and I succumbed to a violent fit of coughing. I have not seen Papa so alarmed in a long time - not since Josiah came to Wentworth that first time if I am to be quite truthful - and I was unsure whether his distress was caused by my inability to breathe or his fear of being found out. Whichever it was , I composed myself and went on to tell him all my news. Bless him, he did try to feign interest - he is indeed a better actor than I would have thought.

I spent a happy hour or two with him and then took my leave. As he showed me to the landing and thence to Constance's open front door I could not resist one last tease.

"We must go out into Town soon, Papa," I said, " I should so like to spend an evening in your company."

"That is a very attractive prospect my dear," he answered, "Do you have a destination or particular activity in mind?"

"I should enjoy a trip to Drury Lane and to see a play at the theatre, Papa," I offered, then paused ever so slightly before carrying on, "But I know how much you dislike pretence and showmanship. I know that a man with your intellectual depth will never enjoy an evening in the presence of a lot of silly actors." I began to laugh again and he rushed forward to prevent another respiratory attack, "No I will wait for you to choose something more edifying for us to do. Goodbye, Papa!"

And I swept out! I must tell Boo - I am sure she will be cross with me for playing my game but I do not care. I am so happy that he is not in need of nursing, as I feared, that she could not quell my spirit for long.

I did promise Papa that I would pass on his good wishes to Mrs Doughty - he seems to hold her in good esteem - and he even gave me a donation to pass on directly to the girls at the Press. He is convinced they do not have enough to occupy them in their leisure hours - not that they have many of those - so he entreated me to provide them with some reading material. I said I thought they had enough reading to do all day what with the publications they produce but he said that was different and he wished them to become acquainted with the works of poets such as Shelley and Keats. I shall indulge his wish, bless him; it is not much to ask.

Ways of Seeing

Sydney Walk
May 31st 1853


May the Lord bless and save Boo - she is such a good friend to me. After my letter yesterday in which I spilt all my fears about Papa's state of mind she found the time in the midst of her maternal whirl to send me words of comfort. I had been pacing the hall downstairs, as she knew I would, with Dauncey skipping about fit to trip me over. A boy arrived not four hours after I had written to her, with a note which has set my heart at rest.

She wrote,

Oh, Eff you ninny! Do not worry so. Your Papa is made of stronger stuff than you imagine. I can quite see why your experience at his house today has put you in mind of some mental weakness to which he may fall prey. But Eff, with all the faith you have in my judgement, please trust that he will not. George is a most unusual man and one whose character and opinion I have always held in the highest regard. He simply would not allow his mind to reel in the manner you so fear.

As for the unprepared state you found him in when you called - what, do you think he must sit at his desk waiting for you to visit, wearing his day clothes and fully coiffured? You yourself have said that you have not seen him or spoken to him for a good two months. Is he to sit in aspic until you do? No, he can and should indulge himself in any way he sees fit to pass the time.

I know something about your Papa that you do not, Effie, and now is the time for me to tell you. Your own thoughts cast about so wildly for explanations that I cannot allow you to suffer another minute in this misapprehension that George has run mad. Not at all. What he does to fill his days, and which he is, in truth, a little shy to disclose to you is this - he has become fond of theatricals, the kind performed by enthusiasts for their own entertainment, and that of others I'll grant. What you stumbled upon this morning was him in full flight, rehearsing a scene for a play!

I know this because he has in the past conferred with Bradstone about such matters as what drives a man to action and how his innermost feelings may be conveyed convincingly to a watching crowd. Eff, your Papa is an actor.

You must not ever tell him I have said this to you. He is biding his time until he is fit to give a performance of which you could be proud and will most likely present you with a Chelsea Players' playbill before long. When he does, you must feign surprise or else his plan will be thwarted. I have only told you this to set your mind at ease, Eff. Your imagination is remarkable, my dear, but bound to cause you heartache on occasion so I am here to help temper its excesses.

Say nothing of this note and under no circumstances ask Josiah to invite your Papa to live with you - that is where the madness lies, if anywhere! We need George in good health, with his faculties intact and still the master of his own resources - that is how we know and love him, is it not?

Bx

Oh, I am so relieved! I shall be able to go to tea tomorrow with a lightened heart. Heavens I may even be able to tease him a little. How blessed I am to have Boo.

Single Occupancy

Sydney Walk
May 30th 1853


Darling Boo

I do not wish to impose on your precious time with the new one, sweet kitten that she is, but my mind is sore with sadness about Papa. I know you love him almost as much as I do and it is for that reason I shall lay out in this letter details of my visit to him this morning. You may be able to make more sense of the exchange than I have yet managed.

I went to his house without first sending word that I was coming. I usually send a boy to announce my arrival, as you know, but I have been terribly ill recently and was not thinking with my customary foresight. As I rang the street door bell I felt a little nervous about what reception awaited me - since the fire I have hardly spoken twenty words with him. I have been much occupied with finding Cook and making plans for the rebuilding of the Hall and had quite forgot my duty to him as a daughter. I would have forgiven him if he had no wish to welcome me in unnanounced.

But as the maid began to show me up to his study, I heard him calling out. I could not decipher the words but he was most definitely in some degree of distress. I was alarmed, naturally, and even more so when the maid stopped on the stair ahead of me, turned abruptly and said,

"I'm ever so sorry Madam, I shouldn't have shown you up without knocking on his door. I'm under strict instructions never to open a door without him knowing. Please don't tell him what a silly mistake I have made!" As she said this she made as if to bustle me back down to the hall, all the while with Papa shouting from the other side of his study door!

"Do not push me downstairs, you silly child!" I said, crossly. In truth it is becoming impossible to find servants with the sense of a newborn babe of late. Quite where Papa found this one, I dare not guess. "My father obviously needs assistance and if you won't go to him, I shall!"

She stood aside to let me carry on up the stairs. Her face was a picture of terror and she tried to protest again but I paid her no heed. I ran to Papa's door and turned the handle but he must have locked himself in, the goose. He need protect himself from no-one in his own home in broad daylight, even in this ungodly city. His cries had died down by now, so I called out to him,

"Papa! It is me, Effie - can you let me in? Are you able to get to the door, or have you fallen? What has happened to make you cry out so?"

There was no answer from him, save for some sounds I could not quite understand - I heard a chair being moved, I think, and he must have been lying on his daybed because I heard the springs creak. I was frantic with worry that he was not able to speak or move.

"Papa! Please - are you alright? Shall I send for someone to help you up?"

The door flew open and there was Papa, with his necktie undone and his hair not brushed. This was not usual for him, he is always dressed for the day by dawn and now it was nearly 12 o'clock.

"Effie!" he shouted "I hear no word from you for nearly two months and now you are hammering my study door down - what on earth do you want?" He was quite crazy, Boo, I have never seen him so flushed and breathless.

"I am sorry, Papa - it is precisely because of my inexcusable absence that I am here now in such a rush to see you. I know I have not been a good daughter to you of late. You see, there was the most dreadful fire at the Hall and no-one knew where Cook was, so Josiah and I..."

"Please, Effie, not now. I am engaged in important business and am in no mood to be disturbed. Why did you not send a note to say you were coming?"

"I forgot, Papa - I have had the most dreadful.."

"No matter! I cannot hear your tales now. I will have tea with you tomorrow, if you still wish to tell me your news. For the moment, though, you must let Constance see you out." And then he just shut the door!

So although I have learned that his maid is called Constance - which is a name ill-befitting one who showed such indecision in her dealings with me - I know nothing about his welfare and am not likely to until tomorrow.

Boo, what does this behaviour signify? Why was he shouting, and why so dishevelled in the middle of the day? Why, having seen me come to visit, did he shoo me away like a dog?

I dare not commit my fears to paper, but am concerned that his living alone since Mama passed has driven him witless. And my neglect of him has left his mind free to unravel. I am such a dreadful woman - I have allowed my own problems to obscure the obvious need my father has for his daughter's attention.

I shall wait for your answer, Boo - you know Papa, please tell me what you think of the events of today. I must be forewarned before seeing him tomorrow. And I must think about asking Josiah if Papa can come to live with us. Must I not?

Ex

A musing

Sydney Walk
May 25th 1853


At last, I have set eyes on Boo's new baby. She looks exactly like a walnut to me, but Boo assures me she is beautiful and so she must be. As soon as I saw her I was brought to tears, wondering if I shall ever have such a bundle of my own. As I gazed down at her on Boo's lap I thought of Josiah and yearned for a tiny, living image of him to dandle and fuddle with.

I wonder if my fever has not entirely left me.

Villiers seems to be concerned for my well-being. Every time I turn around I find him watching me as one might regard a tottering child near a pond. I have not spoken to him about the Girl or the child, though I am sure he expects me to at any moment. I am saddened by my discovery of his cruelty, but he is far too good a butler for me to lose him over a servant girl. I had not thought him capable of such brutish sentiment, not when he is so meticulous in domestic matters. I wish my eyes had not been opened to his maleness.

Still, I must not let such petty disappointments spoil my plans. I want to take more of a role in the Press now that Boo has a use for both her hands, so I shall call upon Mrs Doughty before the week is over. And I must dine with Papa, for I have been woefully inattentive of him since the fire. If I am not to have a child, or a butler with more than half a heart, I can still be a dutiful wife and daughter. Those qualities are as yet still within my power.

Plea

Sydney Walk
May 20th 1853

Darling Boo

I have been most dreadfully ill. After your card arrived with the joyous news of your safe delivery I had intended to visit you and your baby at the earliest possible moment, but that very afternoon I was struck with a terrible fever and have only just left my bed to come and write to you. Please forgive me, I know you will!

How is your beautiful baby girl, Angelina? Is she just like you, I am sure she is and cannot wait a moment longer to see her. I will ensure that I am fully recovered, though, before I come to gaze at her.

Josiah has been very attentive during my illness. He is a sweet lamb and I am very lucky. He came to my room on the first morning and told me he would oversee the running of the house until I was able to resume my position, the darling. I did not see Villiers or the maid once throughout my recovery, because Josiah undertook to give them all their instructions. I told Josiah that I did not wish him to contract the same fever so he did as I requested and left me alone. I have had several days of peace in which to get myself well again - there are many wives who would not have been given such luxury, I know.

I have knitted some mittens for your baby, Boo, just as I did for her brother, who must seem like a proper man to you now. Please tell me when I can come to visit - I cannot bear to think of her snuggling and cooing without her Aunt Effie to kiss her. I read your card but was unsure whether the arrangements included your closest friend,

E x

Overlooked

Sydney Walk
May 13th 1853

Boo sent us the birth announcement card this morning. It read,

Mr and Mrs Bradstone Pitt of Chelsea, London are proud to announce the safe and welcome arrival of their newest baby daughter. She is to be called Angelina Vivienne and will become the perfect younger sister to her brother Bradstone.

Together with some tedious information about when well-wishers can go to visit them, the details of which I cannot recall just at this moment.

I am most hurt and can only believe that Boo was in some form of post-puerperal stupor which rendered her incapable of choosing the names herself. Mr Pitt must have undertaken the task.

Why else would the baby be named Angelina - not Euphemia?

Epiphany

Sydney Walk
May 11th 1853

May the Lord preserve me from such troublesome times!

Yesterday, I witnessed a scene of such distress and violence that I hardly think those involved were human. I saw Villiers leave from the servants' outside door and go striding down the street as though he were being chased by bears - I followed, but could hardly keep up with his route, since I had left the house in a degree of haste and had not had time to have my boots laced. I was wearing my house shoes, which could never be described as robust even by the man who made them.

I hobbled along in Villiers' wake, not caring to notice where we were going, until we arrived at a corner I recognised. My heart turned as I saw that we were in the vicinity of Brunswick Square, our winter residence last year, and at the very spot where I had seen the Girl and her child from my window!

I rested a while, easing my poor feet, while Villiers marched out of sight. I wanted nothing more than to go home and spend a quiet morning with Dauncey but I felt compelled to see what it was that Josiah had told him to do - what task had so angered him - so after a few minutes I continued my steps.

As I reached the turn I had seen him take, I beheld a sight I could never have conjured up in the most frenzied ravings of the hottest fever. Villiers was standing at the top of a flight of steps, with his arms akimbo across the front door of a drab-looking but respectable house. At the foot of those steps was a heap of rags and baggage - and the prone figure of the Girl.

I walked a little further towards this scene, but was too afraid to make my presence known. I had not the faintest notion of what was happening, save for the obvious. Villiers was preventing the Girl from entering the house. But why?

"Mr Villiers, I am begging you - please do not do this to us. What am I to do - where will we go?" She was crying, and scraping the ground to collect her belongings together. "All I asked for was what is due to Jojo and me. Please, Mr Villiers, you know my situation - surely you can take pity on me and the boy?" I could now make out that part of what I had thought was just rags was actually a small child. The child was silent, staring intently at the Girl but otherwise showing nothing of what he felt.

Villiers began to lock the door and descend the steps. He had not spoken at all whilst I had been watching but now, quietly, he addressed the Girl.

"I have no choice, none at all," he said "You must make your way to the gentleman you are to marry and trust that he will give you shelter. I shall call for a carriage to take you to wherever he is - that is more than I need to do, but I am sorry for you." He put the house keys into his pocket and glanced around for someone he could send to find transport. That is when he saw me.

As our eyes met I could hide my presence no longer so I approached - as I did so, the Girl followed Villiers' gaze and as she saw me she screamed,

"You! You have come here to watch me in my destitution! Mrs Hatherwick, I have served you well, I do not deserve for you to gloat over my misfortune." She looked at Villiers as if to accuse him of double duplicity - evicting her from her home and inviting me to be the witness of her downfall.

I was about to dispute the notion that she had been a good servant - she had in truth been sullen and tearful throughout her time in service with us. But seeing her evident distress and shame, I felt it would be wrong to take her to task for her delusion. I said nothing, but I walked forward and gestured that I would help her stand if she would give me her hand. It is always better to be magnanimous towards subordinates, I have found - it costs little and cuts their whining short.

"Madam," Villiers addressed me with a strength not usually to be found in him, "I do not know why you are here. I can hardly think this scene is one you will enjoy - it is best you return to Sydney Walk forthwith."

"Thank you for your concern, Villiers, but I am perfectly capable of deciding my own actions. I wish to know why you are preventing them from enetering their home." The Girl began to cry again at this, and started raving at us both.

"It is not my home any more, you have seen to that! I have no home! Go away both of you, we do not need you or your charity - I only want what I am owed!"

"But what of the gentleman who lived here with you?," I asked her, "The friend of my husband for whom you were working - is he dead?" Perhaps my instinct had been right after all.

The moment I asked that question, the Girl shouted a great scornful sneer, while Villiers ran to her with his hands outstretched, as if to stifle her mouth.

"Ha! Dead? He is as good as dead, Ma'am," she scoffed, "At least he is dead to me and this poor boy!" She picked up the child, who clung to her but still made no sound.

"Madam, please turn and go back at once. There is really no cause for you to remain here," said Villiers. He turned back to the girl and passed some money into her pockets. "Take what I am giving you here and go to your intended - go now." He seemed not a little affected by the scene and was clearly fighting to control himself - he did not squeak, or flap, or perform any of his usual dances when agitated. It occurred to me that I had never seen him so controlled.

The Girl counted the money Villiers had given her, then collected her belongings and set off away from us, carrying that silent boy on her hip.

Villiers' face was a picture of torment as he moved towards me with a sweeping gesture, as if to wipe the previous fifteen minutes from memory. I walked ahead of him, not wishing for his company.

I had for some years come to hold Villiers in high regard but this morning had begun to shed light on some of his behaviour that had been of concern to me. As I walked back to our rooms, I began to make sense of it.

The conclusion I arrived at was shocking to me.

He is often out of the house at night - all night - something which none of the other servants were wont to do. After the Girl first left our employ, he would smirk and giggle whenever she was mentioned as if he knew something about her that I did not. His lack of concern for LB when he was charged with protecting him.

Villiers had got the Girl with child back at Blindingham. He had caused her to be dismissed and set her up in an apartment in London - where he had been living with her as man and wife! And now she has betrayed him with another man - a man she is free to marry - so Villiers has cast her out in a fit of jealousy.

His argument with Josiah can only have been because Josiah wished Villiers to take the Girl the money she had asked from him and Villiers thought she was not deserving of it.

How could I not have seen this before? How could all this have gone on under my roof and left me in all ignorance?

Hiatus

Sydney Walk
May 10th 1853

I had fully intended to take matters into my own hands this morning, after Josiah spoke sharply to Villiers again at breakfast. I was planning to ensure that the servants were all out or occupied so that they would not be witness to an angry exchange between husband and wife - I pride myself on having ensured throughout our marriage that Josiah and I have hardly had a cross word and any we have spoken have been entirely in private. I had left a note for Villiers instructing him to go shopping for the wherewithal for me to knit something for Boo's girl, and I knew the kitchen staff would be going to the markets.

As I approached Josiah's dressing room door - which was closed as usual and most probably locked - I could hear voices. Josiah was talking urgently to Villiers. They were both trying their best to whisper, but, being men, were unable to stay quiet for long.

"God damn you, man!" I heard my husband say. I could tell he was speaking through his teeth, which always makes him spit a little. I hoped for the sake of the laundry staff that he had already removed the silk jacket he had been wearing.

"Sir, please do not involve me any further - I am a faithful butler to you, you cannot gainsay me there - but I do not wish to carry out your instructions on this matter." Villers was pleading in his whiny way, but I could tell he was determined.

"You will do as I ask!"

"I will not!"

"You most certainly will!"

"Do not ask it of me!"

They argued this way like grown schoolboys for a minute or two, before falling into an enraged silence. Then I heard Villiers say,

"Very well, sir - as you are my master I must do your bidding. But I wish you to know that I object most strongly to your instruction. There is a child's welfare involved here, Sir. A child whose happiness should surely be of concern to you."

"Damn you, Villiers! You will not speak to me again about that child, except to tell me when he and his wretched, grasping mother have left that house. Now get out of my sight and go do as you have been ordered!"

This sounded quite final and I did not wish to be caught listening, so I rushed to my own room and stood where I could not be seen from the landing. Villiers threw the dressing room door open and - with a noise which was neither a sob, nor a roar but something in between - hurled himself down the stairs and through to the servants' quarters. My good intention to approach Josiah deserted me momentarily, as the door was slammed shut and immediately locked again.

Villiers was clearly about to go out to perform a task for Josiah - one which he was extremely reluctant to undertake. I reasoned that he would not want at the same time to be burdened with a choice of wools, so I moved as quickly as I could to retrieve the note I had left for him. It was at that moment I decided to follow him.

Delivery

Sydney Walk
May 9th 1853


Boo has had her baby. A ruddy-faced boy arrived at our front door carrying a note from Mr Pitt, telling me that Boo had been safely delivered of a beautiful girl (my heart did twist a little, I must confess, at the thought of having a girl baby to play with). They have not named her yet but the note said Boo was keen for Josiah and me to know of the birth before the announcement cards are sent.

I feel privileged to be so close to Boo and her family that we should receive such special attention.

A girl! A baby sister for LB to look after. When he was born I straight away sent some mittens or boots or somesuch knitted finery - I have neglected to prepare for this arrival in the same way, so shall send Villiers out for wool this morning and set about making something. I would go, since I love nothing better than a reason to visit shops, but Dauncey is not quite himself and I am loath to leave him. Besides, Villiers has a better eye than I have for fabrics and colours. He will be in his element when we come to redesign the interiors of the Hall.

Giving the game away

Sydney Walk
May 7th 1853

Is there any other wife in the land who has as much to endure as I have? I do not think that even in the company of the worldliest of women I could describe the events of the past day. My powers of deduction have been put to great use and my tolerance has been tested beyond all measure. I have once again determined that should my services as a wife and businesswoman be no longer required I shall present myself to the constabulary and find employment there. That would be preferable to the vexations of being a Lady with servants. The most outrageous demands are being put on me and I am at a loss as to what I am supposed to do next.

The Girl has found someone stupid enough to marry her - and she believes Josiah should present her with a dowry!

I found her crumpled and misspelt note in the deepest pocket of his silk night jacket - it has clearly been read a number of times, possibly thrown in the grate and retrieved, then used to clean his shoes for all I know. I read it and replaced it in the blink of an eye while Josiah was downstairs shouting at the postboy. I shall reproduce it now,

Josiah ( how dare she address him thus!)

I have had no word from you for days (why would she?) so am reduced to contacting you like this. I shall bring this letter to your door before daybreak so that your wife need have no sight of it. (Well it is some blessing, I suppose, that she is mindful enough of my feelings not to bore me with her goings on). The simple fact is that I can no longer survive as I have been and you should not expect me to. I must put food on the table for Jojo and myself. You have not been of any help to us for a long time now (since I insisted her wages should not come from us any more, I expect. The avaricious madam - was her income from the gentleman she worked for not enough?) so I have taken action to protect myself and the child.

I have accepted an offer of matrimony from a gentleman I met whilst walking Jojo in the park. (Goodness me! I walk in the park, too but have never been proposed to whilst doing so) I do care for him but mainly he has a good income. Jojo and I will be well looked after. I know his welfare is still important to you even if mine is not. (I did not understand this part, but she has always been prone to self pity so I assume it is nothing more than that. I well remember the snivelling and wailing she indulged in at Blindingham and during our first season in town)

My reason for writing is to ask you for a sum of money - enough to make it worth the gentleman's while taking us on. I will leave the exact amount to you to decide but do not leave it long before you get the money to me (the effrontery of the woman!) We plan to be wed by the Summer. You do not have to come to the wedding of course but you would be welcome, Jojo does ask after you (does he? Why?)

Send word straight away,

C

This familiar way of signing letters is abhorrent but I should not expect more of someone in her position.

So - we are being asked to fund her and her idiot child so that a man who should know better can
justify her hand in marriage. What on earth does any of this have to do with us - we have not been her employers for a year at least. Has she no other family?

No wonder Josiah is so incensed. He is an honourable man who will wish to recognise the service the Girl gave us for all those years, but not with a gift of money at a time when we need all that we have at our disposal to rebuild the Hall. He must be worried about how to accede to the spirit of her request without financial inconvenience to us. And he is obviously anxious to protect me from this knowledge, having realised - correctly - that my first instinct would be to deny her and her child anything they asked.

I shall have to devise a way to help Josiah through this without letting him know that I have found and read her note. I say again, my powers of detection, deduction and discretion are second to none!

Discovery

Mission statement

Sydney Walk
May 4th 1853

Boo has proved to be the trustworthy companion I always knew she was. I rushed to see her earlier today, with much on my mind to discuss with her. I could not put up with Josiah's ranting any more and was in sore need of a friendly ear - I know Boo does not hold Josiah in high regard but am not disposed to display much wifely loyalty to him of late. His mood since we returned from Blindingham has become blacker by the day. I have tried my very best to support him and help soothe whatever it is that is troubling him but he will have none of my ministrations, preferring instead to barge about the place and bark at the staff. I could bear that, I suppose, but I shall not be spoken to like that myself. So when he began to turn his dark demeanour towards me, I fled for the sanctuary of Boo's bosom (which is prodigious at the moment, I could hardly keep from staring at it).

I told Boo how struck with terror we all are when Josiah is at home at present - Villiers has taken to whimpering whenever he hears a door opening and the woman who cooks for us can be heard weeping throughout the day. Really, it is more than I should have to bear! Boo agreed with me and was anxious to connect Josiah's behaviour with the contents of that note from the Girl. I had not thought to assume his friend's death was still at the root of Josiah's bear-headedness - Boo thought that unlikely, too. It occurred to me that I was not actually sure that the note had indeed contained the sad news I envisaged. Boo stifled another one of her looks and urged me to try and ascertain the contents of the note - she is sure that it does not bear the news I had imagined.

We had a fine afternoon and a new form of sweet bread made with coconut - I think it was mixed with milk or somesuch but whatever it was was divine - and now I am back in our rooms, determined to search Josiah's things to find that note. Whatever news it does in fact contain, I shall be prepared and will make Josiah aware that I understand - but do not condone - his subsequent behaviour. He is a silly man for not trusting me with it in the first instance. I am his wife - what am I for, if not to tend to him and ease his pain?

Urgency

Sydney Walk
May 4th 1853


Dearest Boo


I am sorry to burden you with my troubles when you have so much to occupy your thoughts at this time, but I absolutely must speak and there is no other person on this good earth that I trust more than you. I know that what I tell you will stay with you and not reach the ears of any other living soul, save for the whisperings you may make to your unborn child. I fear, however, such actions may taint the pure innocence of that child - should it understand you.

My duty as a wife prevents me from writing any more here. I simply must see you at your earliest convenience. I shall tell the boy to wait for your instruction,

Soonest,

E x

Outburst

Sydney Walk
May 2nd 1853


Josiah is not himself, I am sorry to record. I shall not write much at the moment as he is downstairs and in one of the darkest tempers I have seen. I do not know what has caused this particular bout of anger, but I must do all I can to calm him. He spoke so sharply to Villiers at breakfast that I had to intervene. Villiers is in the servants' kitchen now, crying, and I have only come up to my rooms to look for smelling salts. I hope this mood does not last, as I have asked Papa to come for supper. I shall see what this afternoon brings before deciding whether or not to put him off from coming.

Part Exchange

Sydney Walk
April 27th 1853


Boo is as big as a house. She was not that size when full with LB, I am sure - I asked her whether she was quite convinced it was just one child she might be carrying but this did not make her laugh as much as I thought it would. Poor lamb - I have never hidden my envy of her state of motherhood but if I am to be truthful it is a clean, dressed sweet-smelling child I hanker after, not the terrible burden and pain that must be endured to achieve it.

Still, Boo was much amused by my story of Cook and the village people and she is, as I hoped, full of ideas for the new decorations for the Hall. She did become a little distracted when I told her about the note Josiah had received from the Girl - asking me quite curtly why I had not opened it. After I had explained my utmost respect for the fact that it was not addressed to me, she gave me a very strange look which I can only imagine was caused by the temporary discomforts suffered by women in her condition. She cheered up very quickly though and took the Press funds I had brought with me. She locked them away immediately, even before Mrs Doughty had arrived for our business meeting.

After the three of us had spent a very sensible hour discussing the workings of the Press - it is a thriving enterprise, I am assured and one which is attracting clients in increasing numbers - Mrs Doughty took her leave of us with the swiftest of polite farewells. I think she is worried that we still hold her responsible for LB's recent injuries, but really she must not concern herself any further with that. I may have to send her a note to reassure her.

I asked Boo to tell me all her news - I was aware that I had taken up most of the time with news of my own, but she seemed unwilling to say much at all. She said she was tired, so I kissed her, what bit of her I could reach over her swollen form, and came back to Sydney Walk. I shall retire tonight very happy that my life is once again normal - full of the good wishes of my friends, the satisfaction of knowing I am contributing to a proper business venture and the love of a good man. To say nothing of the admiration I enjoy from my cat.

Resolve

Sydney Walk
April 26th 1853


I am much relieved. Boo and I are friends again and we can carry on as we have done. Despite being cross with her for her silliness I am pleased it is now behind us. I cannot wait to see her and tell her all my news. She will have some ideas about the refurbishments I am sure, and she has such a good head for finance she will be invaluable in keeping my extravagance at bay.

The only shadow on my horizon now is that Dauncey appears not have forgiven me for my temporary desertion of him. He has not spent the night at the foot of my bed since we came back. I am informed that this is not unusual behaviour for a cat - Villiers was most amused by the haughtiness Dauncey displayed and was reminded, he says, of a cat that once belonged to his aunt. After a prolonged stay by the aunt in some remote part of the country, this cat refused to acknowledge her on her return and never snuffled her again despite living in her house for a good ten years more. I do not think Dauncey is so resolute, though, and I am sure he will come back to me after I have shown suitable remorse. Perhaps some milk might do the trick.

I am to visit Boo later on today - I am so keen to see her and to resume my duties as an employer at the Press that I shall take some funds with me as a gesture of goodwill. I shall hand Boo some banknotes without even waiting to be asked - that is how glad I am she has forgiven me!

Second post

Rapprochement

Sydney Walk
April 18th 1853


Dear Boo

Josiah and I are back in London. We have been much occupied with giving directions for the rebuilding of the Hall, making sure Cook is safe and other such activities and have only now returned to our winter residence.

My reason for writing to you Boo is entirely conciliatory. I am aware that you are approaching your confinement and would be sorry to miss your new baby simply because we had such a silly argument. Really, it seems so long ago now and so much has happened since (I have much to tell you if you are keen to hear it) that I hope we can put it behind us and carry on as the firm friends we so recently were.

I fancy we shall be staying up in Town for longer this year than we have done before. We cannot live in the Hall until it is entirely rebuilt and I wish to make myself available to you if you should need me to care for LB while you are getting to know your new little one. Also, I am woefully out of touch with the activities of the Press and have told Josiah that I do not wish to uproot myself again so soon. He is so enthusiastic about the rebuilding plans that he intends to go back regularly to Blindingham until the work is finished. It is fortunate, I suppose, that Mrs Cornbench has proved so accommodating - Josiah enjoys her company and that of her husband, even though I find him very drab.

I will not prattle on, Boo, until I know we are friends again. Please write back and say we are.

Yours

Effie

Quiet reassurance

Lydiatt House
April 11th 1853


I have woken up exhausted from the trials of yesterday. After I took my leave of the woman from the village I went directly to the Post Mistress and asked her to send a message to Horsham that Cook is to be collected immediately in a secure vehicle. I do not think I have the strength to witness her departure, so shall have to comfort myself with the knowledge that I have done all that is in my power to help her. When Cook is safely strapped into her transport and away from Blindingham for sure, I shall send a basket of breads to the woman and her brother to thank them.

As I came back to Lydiatt in the afternoon I could hear strange sounds from somewhere on the upper landing. Having not the slightest interest in what the Cornbench children do to fill their days, I gave it no thought. But I was a little surprised, I must allow, to see Mrs Cornbench come scampering down the stairs, rather in the manner Dauncey uses when I have surprised him in the middle of an afternoon nap. I expect a cat to sleep as often as it can and in as many obscure crannies of the house he can find - so to find that Mrs Cornbench also seems to favour an afternoon rest in the attic (at least I assume that is where she was - the door to that part of the house was swinging open as she descended in a fluster to the hallway) was disconcerting.

I was just about to tell her my tale of Cook and the village woman when Josiah appeared from upstairs. Bless and save the man, he has been wrestling with his grief for days now and is spending a good deal of his time alone. I went to him but he is still so saddened that he could not quite bring himself to kiss me. I rather think his sensibilities are such that he is disinclined to be affectionate towards me in front of our hosts - Mrs Cornbench was close by, waiting to offer us tea I expect. Josiah is a proud and thoughtful man, indeed. After spending my day in the company of such poor and crazed folk, I am delighted simply to be in his presence. I do not need physical manifestations of my husband's love for me. The expression on Mrs Cornbench's face as all three of us were gathered in the hall was sufficient proof of the regard in which I am held by him.

Back to Bedlam

Lydiatt House
April 10th 1853


It was Cook! Today has been one of such emotion and upheaval I can hardly sort my head from my heart - oh, the relief at seeing her, and the fear of what is to become of her!

I walked from Lydiatt down to the village as slowly as I could this morning. In truth I did not want to find the cottage, or the couple, or Cook. I took rest on a bench near the Inn, before climbing the hill to St Beverel's but after some minutes of gathering my breath and my strength I could find no further reason to delay.

The cottage was small but well looked after and as I approached I could see a woman in the garden. I hid for a while behind some hedging but began to feel too silly so I coughed a little and made as if to clear some mud from my shoe. The woman noticed me and called out,

"Good morning, Madam. Are you quite well? Do you need some help?"

I fiddled a moment longer with my shoe and then answered her.

"I do indeed need help and am grateful for your kindness."

"Blindingham is a friendly place, Madam. We will always go to the aid of a soul in need, any one of us in the village." She smiled at me and opened her garden gate to welcome me in. I ignored her shameful misrepresentation of the leaden boobies she lives amongst and went straight to the reason for my visit.

"I know the village well, thank you," I said, "I am the mistress of Blindingham Hall. I am Mrs Josiah Hatherwick."

The woman looked at me as though I had declared myself to be Queen Victoria herself. She rushed to bring me to a seat and produced a glass of lemon water from a jug on the bench beside me.

"You are Mrs Hatherwick?" she whispered after some time. "You are the poor lady whose house burnt down? Oh my dear Lady you must be beside yourself with worry. You are very welcome here, please be assured of that."

"Actually, the Hall has not been entirely destroyed," I told her, "Some damage was sustained to the West Wing and the Orangery, but I am confident that we shall be able to restore and refurbish it before long. I have had some very exciting ideas for new furnishings and will soon be instructing furniture makers and decorators. I want to create the feel of Osborne House whilst retaining the essence of the Hall as a country residence. There are some divine new upholstery fabrics in the London shops which I am sure would not be out of place down here."

The woman listened to me with a look of comfort and a little confusion on her face. She did not answer.

"Of course, that is not why I have come to seek you out this morning. I am trying to find our Cook. She was in the Hall when the fire broke out and none of us has has seen her since. I have been given to understand she may have taken sanctuary with you."

Another few moments passed before the woman spoke to me.

"My brother was fortunate enough to find a poor, distressed lady walking the road to Lydiatt in obvious disarray a week or so ago. She was confused and could not tell him her name. She said very little, in fact, except to keep worrying that supper was going to be late because she could not find the kitchen. John could not leave her to carry on walking the streets in that condition."

"Indeed not," I agreed, although I think had I been the one who found Cook rambling about supper in her undergarments I should have gladly left her to it.

"We took the lady in and have been caring for her but I must confess I am not best placed to provide the help she needs. Keeping her nourished and safe has left me little time for anything else." She poured me another measure of lemon water as she spoke. "Can I ask, have you come to take her home?"

"Alas, I have not," I told her, "My husband and I are depending on the kindness of our neighbours until the Hall is restored. I could not take her back there with me at all."

"I see - yes. I should have deduced that for myself." She sounded weary, such that I quite wanted to hug her for her kindness towards Cook. I did not, of course.

We spoke for a few mintes more and then she asked if I would like to see Cook, who was upstairs resting. I accompanied her into the cottage with some trepidation, I admit.

Cook was a sorry sight. She was lying in a tiny bed with her hair all matted and crazy around her face. She was snoring a little and wheezing as she slept. As I watched her I could of think of nothing so much as the bellows the staff use to draw the fires in London. They make a similar sound and are as fragile. I left the room quickly for fear of waking her up.

The woman was waiting for me at the foot of her staircase. "My brother and I can not care for her here, Mrs Hatherwick," she said, "even though we are good Christians who know our duty. I am truly saddened at this lady's plight, but what is to be done? She is not to be left unattended for more than a minute. I am frightened of what she might do."

I knew at once that she was genuinely concerned for Cook's safety and for her own. It is a marvel her tiny cottage had housed Cook for this long and remained intact. I had to make a responsible decision, as Cook's former employer and as this woman's superior.

"Please do not worry," I said to her," I shall send for a carriage from Horsham. She must return there. I know of no other action for the best. I will go straight now to the Post Office and send word to the sanitorium."

The woman was shocked at my resolve.

"Horsham? Really?" she said. I nodded, holding my face in a grave and responsible expression.

"Horsham," she repeated. "That poor, poor soul."

Decision

Lydiatt House
April 9th 1853


Josiah spent the whole night in the dressing room. Mrs Cornbench had been thoughtful enough to set up a day bed in there for him while he has been staying here to give instructions as to what should be done at the Hall. The rooms set aside for our use (we must find a way to make adequate recompense to the woman as soon as we are free of this place) are nice enough, but Josiah is being too polite to request a fire or anything much in the way of help from the servants. He has been sleeping on the day bed in preference to the one in 'our' room. Last night I sat outside his door for hours hoping he would need me to comfort him, but he did not call upon me. I can only guess at the anguish he feels at the death of his friend.

Today I am to visit the cottage near St Beverel's to see if Cook is indeed there. I should be keen to find her alive after all these weeks but in truth I can not bring myself to care overmuch. I am being dutiful as a good employer should be, not excited as a friend. After all, if it is her, what is to be done with her? She may have been the cause of the fire - I rather fear she shall not be welcome at the Hall in future. I will certainly not bring her to London - she would cause havoc in the streets. She would not cut such an unusual figure amongst the residents of Bayswater, it must be acknowledged, but I find myself unwilling to take on the responsibility of keeping her safe for much longer.

No, if Cook is upstairs in that cottage she can stay there. And if they do not wish to deal with her ravings she must go back to Horsham.

Shoot the messenger

Lydiatt House
April 8th 1853

I am quite beside myself and have not the remotest notion of what to do!

This morning, as I made ready to leave for Blindingham, Villiers appeared with a smirk on his face and a hand-delivered note on the salver. The note, he said, had been pushed through the letterbox at break of day and was found lying on the doormat as innocently as you please. I saw at once that it was addressed to Josiah, in the handwriting of an uneducated person with the word 'Urgent' scrawled across the top of the envelope. Fearing it might be something to do with one of Josiah's business interests, or perhaps some underhand communication from an employee, I decided immediately to pack the note in with my belongings and set off.

Villiers saw me place the note in my pocketbook and gave one of his little squeaks. I know that sound to mean that he has something to say to me but wishes me to invite him to speak, rather than wait for an unsolicited approach. I also know that this is a device by which he can impart unwelcome information and blame me for requesting it. Really, he is as devious as a woman at times.

"Villiers," I ventured, "Is there anything you wish to say to me?"

"I am afraid there is, ma'am, yes." He looked at me gravely, as one who is carrying bad news might. "I think ma'am may be interested to know the sender of this note before it is transported to Blindingham."

I was curious, of course, but determined to observe the conventions of written communication in a civilised society. They have been arrived at through gentleman's agreement and there is as yet no law against opening envelopes addressed to others, even one's own relatives. But that should not mean I am at liberty to pry where I am clearly not included - where would society rest if we all did just as we wished, even in moments of high passion?

"I expect I shall discover the identity of the sender as soon as the note has reached its rightful destination, Villiers," I said, as coolly as I could. "The note is meant for Mr Hatherwick, not myself."

"Indeed it is, Ma'am. I am sorry to have suggested otherwise. I am sure she will not be expecting you to read the note before Mr Hatherwick does." Villiers then dashed out of the room and hurried as quickly as propriety would allow down the stairs and into the servants' kitchen.

She? What She? Did Villiers mean that the note was delivered by a woman? A woman known to me?

I busied myself with my gloves and twittered about with Dauncey whilst the maid laced my boots and called for the carriage. I watched the driver load my luggage on board, then climbed inside and instructed him to begin the journey. The note was in my pocketbook, on the seat beside me.

I glanced up at the house as we left and saw Villiers and the maid standing at the top of the street steps, laughing.

I took out the note and stared at the writing. It did indeed seem familiar. It wasn't Boo's writing else I would have recognised it straight away, and besides she has no call to write to Josiah without my knowledge.

A moment later, as the carriage struck a particularly poor section of road, my heart leapt straight out of my chest and sat beating loudly in my mouth. I remembered where I had seen that writing before.

The ill-formed letters, the poor arrangement of the words and the smudging of the ink all combined to bring me to a quite shocking conclusion.

The note had been sent by The Girl!

Why would she write to him? What could possibly be so important that she, a servant, should take it upon herself to make direct communication in writing to her previous employer? Why could not her master, Josiah's friend, have written?

It was at that moment the full horror struck me. The note and the manner of its delivery could only mean one thing.

I was to carry to Josiah the news that his friend and associate had died.

I have had a number of fretful journeys to Blindingham of late, but none so worrisome as this one. My poor husband was to receive sad news of the death of his friend and I was to be the bearer. I spent the whole time thinking how best I could bring cheer to him, such that by the time I alighted at the Cornbench's house (how tiresome that we should still have to accept their thin, grey hospitality) I was exhausted.

Josiah walked out to greet me and all my plans for a loving reunion were forgotten. I took his hand, kissed it, and gave him The Girl's note. His face drained of all its colour the moment he saw it - his powers of mental alertness are much more finely honed than mine and he must have deduced immediately what the envelope contained. He took it from me and opened it as he walked away towards the garden. I watched as he read it. My poor, poor darling, I could see he was much affected by its contents.

He has been alone in the dressing room for four hours now, and will not admit me into his company. All I can do is wait outside and listen as he suffers. I wish he would call me to comfort him, I could ease his torment I know I could.

Oh, I cannot bear this a moment longer! My husband is in pain and I cannot help him!