Gooseberry Fool

Sydney Walk
June 17th 1853

I fear my confidence regarding Papa's happiness may be misplaced. He has developed a small obsession with Mrs Doughty which it has become my duty to manage. Ever since that astonishing evening in the Octagon Rooms he has insisted that I procure a meeting with Mrs Doughty at her earliest convenience. He talks of little else but her ability to satisfy his needs - quite what those needs might be I am not sure but he is adamant they must be met. I tried to tell him that she is not a woman who takes a man's needs much into consideration, but he gave me a pitying look and told me she was better equipped for such a task than I thought. Quite what he meant by that I could not deduce. He has mentioned in the past that his dealings with her have been most satisfying so she clearly holds some fascination for him.

I had been wondering why he should be so keen to transact his business with Mrs Doughty - he is most definitely unaware of her antipathy towards the male sex - and after some careful thought, the answer came to me. It is Mama, speaking to him through Mrs Hayden! Mama wants him to marry Mrs Doughty, thus providing him with a redoubtable wife and me with a mother as well as a friend. God Bless Mama and Mrs Hayden!

I am as excited as a new lamb and have invited Mrs Doughty to tea with us. I have tried to give her some prior notice of his intentions, such as I understand them. I feel unqualified to chaperone either of them but cannot bear the thought of her spurning his affection and causing him heart pain. I could not stand to see Papa rejected by such a fine person - and I know Mama will be watching us all with whatever anticipation is manifest in the disembodied. Oh, I could almost wish I had never challenged him to find us some new entertainment - and more so than that, I wish Josiah were here to tell me what I should do!

Four warnings

Sydney Walk
June 17th 1853


My Dear Mrs Doughty

I trust this letter finds you in good spirits. My reason for sending this note is to enquire whether you might like to join my Papa and me for afternoon day one day next week? I am normally 'at home' on Wednesdays, as you know, but I have recently been spending a good deal of time with Papa and he has expressed a particular wish to see you. He is a man of propriety, which is why the invitation is reaches you from my hand, not his, but I do wish to stress that he is most keen to further your acquaintance. I rather think he may be hatching an entrepreneurial proposition about which he would welcome your advice.

I know that you have met with Papa privately on previous occasions and that you and he are of a mind on many of the important issues of the day. Please do not be alarmed, therefore, if he begins to discuss a new avenue of thought with you. He has become somewhat enamoured of the fashion for communication with those who have gone before. He and I were present when Mrs Maria Hayden spoke recently in Chelsea. Really, she is a quite remarkable woman. She spoke normally for a good few minutes - just as I would speak to you - and then she became overwhelmed by voices from those we have lost. I could not possibly convey the feelings she aroused in me in this note, Mrs Doughty, nor will I try to. But it is enough for now to say that Papa was quite taken with the notion that the dead can alert us to our fate.

I write this simply to prepare you, Mrs Doughty, for what may seem at first to be the frailty of a decent man. I do hope you will not dismiss Papa if he grows vague whilst you talk to him - he has begun to fancy that he can hear my long past Mama and that she is tending to him in death as she did in life. I should be sorry if a woman of your compassion could not find it in herself to tolerate a good man's foibles. Tuesday would be best for us, if you are free - do send word as soon as you can.

Yours

Euphemia Hatherwick

Mentalism

Sydney Walk
June 10th 1853

Josiah is still in Blindingham and I must confess I am becoming weary of my own company. I fill my mornings well enough, what with dressing and entertaining Dauncey, but I find the late afternoons to be a time of dull reflection. Without Josiah to fuss over and plan meals for I find myself alarmingly unoccupied. I have resolved never to complain of being overworked by wifehood again!

I am to send funds down to Josiah so that he may entreat the builders to start work immediately. It seems they do not carry a stock of building materials, but must purchase them anew with each commission. I wonder that a man without his own tools may call himself a builder at all, but shall say nothing and send the money straight away - I am nearer to the completion of my own domestic plans and must concentrate on them.

Papa has done as I asked and found a fascinating new entertainment for us to enjoy. It is not something I have any notion of as yet so I am very excited to see what the evening will hold. Papa is sending a carriage for me and we are to go to the Octagon Rooms in Chelsea to witness a lady called Mrs Maria Hayden, who is presenting a talk on her experiences of communing with the dead. I simply cannot comprehend how this is possible, but it seems she is able to hear voices from beyond the grave. I pride myself on my open minded approach to new experiences and shall accompany Papa with great anticipation. Indeed, whether Mrs Hayden is a fraud or an occultist will be of the utmost fascination for me - and we may even find out how Mama is faring up in Heaven!

Alone again, naturally.

Sydney Walk
June 4th 1853


Josiah has been called back to Blindingham. There is some building work he is anxious to oversee - my opinion of the external elevation of the Hall is apparently not required. I have been instructed to stay in London and keep planning the interior decor, but shall take the opportunity of being set temporarily free of my wifely duties to concentrate on my business enterprise. I am sure Mrs Cornbench will provide ample substitution for a few days.

I will take the poetry books to the Press for Papa and will remind him that I am waiting to hear where he will take me for the evening. Dauncey and I have spent the afternoon eating snacks, so we are both a little fuller than we should be this close to suppertime. I have allowed the cook to go off for the evening, since my stomach is not so needy as Josiah's is after a day's work.

Before I retire tonight I will give my initial drawings and ideas book to Villiers to see whether he can suggest any soft furnishings I have not yet considered. I am very excited and often cannot sleep when Josiah is away. Mrs Doughty - who has slept alone since the day she was born by her account - assures me that a camomile preparation should help. I wonder if the cook has already gone out?

High Performance

Sydney Walk
June 2nd 1853


I have had such fun at poor Papa's expense! As I sat with him drinking tea and making a good effort to eat some of the biscuits Constance had presented, I could not help but tease him with vague references to the secret Boo had shared with me. I was much relieved by her reassurance and could barely conceal my amusement - I do not think he quite knew how to respond to me.


"Papa!" I said, happily, "How glad I am to see you looking so well. After what happened yesterday, I was......"

"Let us not speak of yesterday, Euphemia! " He put up his hand and reddenend slightly, "Much as it pains me to say it, I wish to hear news of Josiah, or Cook, or anyone you have had dealings with of late. What of your cat, is he quite grown up now?"

Papa never asks about Josiah, so I knew he was anxious to change the subject. I was in no mind to let him off so lightly, though.

"I will tell you everything that has happened since we last spoke, Papa, of course I will. You must act as though you are interested, though. I know my life is too silly for you to concentrate on but I insist you at least make a show of listening to me."

"Effie, my own dearest child - how can you think me disinterested in your doings? Who else should I care to listen to if not my own flesh and blood?" Papa looked most affronted by my words, but I pressed on.

"Papa you are very convincing - I almost believe you," I smiled at him, "But you have an intelligent mind - far more so than mine will ever be - and I cannot think you anything other than bored by my prattling. However, I must commend you on your artifice. You should be on the stage!"

I laughed so much at my joke that some biscuit crumbs became lodged in my throat and I succumbed to a violent fit of coughing. I have not seen Papa so alarmed in a long time - not since Josiah came to Wentworth that first time if I am to be quite truthful - and I was unsure whether his distress was caused by my inability to breathe or his fear of being found out. Whichever it was , I composed myself and went on to tell him all my news. Bless him, he did try to feign interest - he is indeed a better actor than I would have thought.

I spent a happy hour or two with him and then took my leave. As he showed me to the landing and thence to Constance's open front door I could not resist one last tease.

"We must go out into Town soon, Papa," I said, " I should so like to spend an evening in your company."

"That is a very attractive prospect my dear," he answered, "Do you have a destination or particular activity in mind?"

"I should enjoy a trip to Drury Lane and to see a play at the theatre, Papa," I offered, then paused ever so slightly before carrying on, "But I know how much you dislike pretence and showmanship. I know that a man with your intellectual depth will never enjoy an evening in the presence of a lot of silly actors." I began to laugh again and he rushed forward to prevent another respiratory attack, "No I will wait for you to choose something more edifying for us to do. Goodbye, Papa!"

And I swept out! I must tell Boo - I am sure she will be cross with me for playing my game but I do not care. I am so happy that he is not in need of nursing, as I feared, that she could not quell my spirit for long.

I did promise Papa that I would pass on his good wishes to Mrs Doughty - he seems to hold her in good esteem - and he even gave me a donation to pass on directly to the girls at the Press. He is convinced they do not have enough to occupy them in their leisure hours - not that they have many of those - so he entreated me to provide them with some reading material. I said I thought they had enough reading to do all day what with the publications they produce but he said that was different and he wished them to become acquainted with the works of poets such as Shelley and Keats. I shall indulge his wish, bless him; it is not much to ask.

Ways of Seeing

Sydney Walk
May 31st 1853


May the Lord bless and save Boo - she is such a good friend to me. After my letter yesterday in which I spilt all my fears about Papa's state of mind she found the time in the midst of her maternal whirl to send me words of comfort. I had been pacing the hall downstairs, as she knew I would, with Dauncey skipping about fit to trip me over. A boy arrived not four hours after I had written to her, with a note which has set my heart at rest.

She wrote,

Oh, Eff you ninny! Do not worry so. Your Papa is made of stronger stuff than you imagine. I can quite see why your experience at his house today has put you in mind of some mental weakness to which he may fall prey. But Eff, with all the faith you have in my judgement, please trust that he will not. George is a most unusual man and one whose character and opinion I have always held in the highest regard. He simply would not allow his mind to reel in the manner you so fear.

As for the unprepared state you found him in when you called - what, do you think he must sit at his desk waiting for you to visit, wearing his day clothes and fully coiffured? You yourself have said that you have not seen him or spoken to him for a good two months. Is he to sit in aspic until you do? No, he can and should indulge himself in any way he sees fit to pass the time.

I know something about your Papa that you do not, Effie, and now is the time for me to tell you. Your own thoughts cast about so wildly for explanations that I cannot allow you to suffer another minute in this misapprehension that George has run mad. Not at all. What he does to fill his days, and which he is, in truth, a little shy to disclose to you is this - he has become fond of theatricals, the kind performed by enthusiasts for their own entertainment, and that of others I'll grant. What you stumbled upon this morning was him in full flight, rehearsing a scene for a play!

I know this because he has in the past conferred with Bradstone about such matters as what drives a man to action and how his innermost feelings may be conveyed convincingly to a watching crowd. Eff, your Papa is an actor.

You must not ever tell him I have said this to you. He is biding his time until he is fit to give a performance of which you could be proud and will most likely present you with a Chelsea Players' playbill before long. When he does, you must feign surprise or else his plan will be thwarted. I have only told you this to set your mind at ease, Eff. Your imagination is remarkable, my dear, but bound to cause you heartache on occasion so I am here to help temper its excesses.

Say nothing of this note and under no circumstances ask Josiah to invite your Papa to live with you - that is where the madness lies, if anywhere! We need George in good health, with his faculties intact and still the master of his own resources - that is how we know and love him, is it not?

Bx

Oh, I am so relieved! I shall be able to go to tea tomorrow with a lightened heart. Heavens I may even be able to tease him a little. How blessed I am to have Boo.

Single Occupancy

Sydney Walk
May 30th 1853


Darling Boo

I do not wish to impose on your precious time with the new one, sweet kitten that she is, but my mind is sore with sadness about Papa. I know you love him almost as much as I do and it is for that reason I shall lay out in this letter details of my visit to him this morning. You may be able to make more sense of the exchange than I have yet managed.

I went to his house without first sending word that I was coming. I usually send a boy to announce my arrival, as you know, but I have been terribly ill recently and was not thinking with my customary foresight. As I rang the street door bell I felt a little nervous about what reception awaited me - since the fire I have hardly spoken twenty words with him. I have been much occupied with finding Cook and making plans for the rebuilding of the Hall and had quite forgot my duty to him as a daughter. I would have forgiven him if he had no wish to welcome me in unnanounced.

But as the maid began to show me up to his study, I heard him calling out. I could not decipher the words but he was most definitely in some degree of distress. I was alarmed, naturally, and even more so when the maid stopped on the stair ahead of me, turned abruptly and said,

"I'm ever so sorry Madam, I shouldn't have shown you up without knocking on his door. I'm under strict instructions never to open a door without him knowing. Please don't tell him what a silly mistake I have made!" As she said this she made as if to bustle me back down to the hall, all the while with Papa shouting from the other side of his study door!

"Do not push me downstairs, you silly child!" I said, crossly. In truth it is becoming impossible to find servants with the sense of a newborn babe of late. Quite where Papa found this one, I dare not guess. "My father obviously needs assistance and if you won't go to him, I shall!"

She stood aside to let me carry on up the stairs. Her face was a picture of terror and she tried to protest again but I paid her no heed. I ran to Papa's door and turned the handle but he must have locked himself in, the goose. He need protect himself from no-one in his own home in broad daylight, even in this ungodly city. His cries had died down by now, so I called out to him,

"Papa! It is me, Effie - can you let me in? Are you able to get to the door, or have you fallen? What has happened to make you cry out so?"

There was no answer from him, save for some sounds I could not quite understand - I heard a chair being moved, I think, and he must have been lying on his daybed because I heard the springs creak. I was frantic with worry that he was not able to speak or move.

"Papa! Please - are you alright? Shall I send for someone to help you up?"

The door flew open and there was Papa, with his necktie undone and his hair not brushed. This was not usual for him, he is always dressed for the day by dawn and now it was nearly 12 o'clock.

"Effie!" he shouted "I hear no word from you for nearly two months and now you are hammering my study door down - what on earth do you want?" He was quite crazy, Boo, I have never seen him so flushed and breathless.

"I am sorry, Papa - it is precisely because of my inexcusable absence that I am here now in such a rush to see you. I know I have not been a good daughter to you of late. You see, there was the most dreadful fire at the Hall and no-one knew where Cook was, so Josiah and I..."

"Please, Effie, not now. I am engaged in important business and am in no mood to be disturbed. Why did you not send a note to say you were coming?"

"I forgot, Papa - I have had the most dreadful.."

"No matter! I cannot hear your tales now. I will have tea with you tomorrow, if you still wish to tell me your news. For the moment, though, you must let Constance see you out." And then he just shut the door!

So although I have learned that his maid is called Constance - which is a name ill-befitting one who showed such indecision in her dealings with me - I know nothing about his welfare and am not likely to until tomorrow.

Boo, what does this behaviour signify? Why was he shouting, and why so dishevelled in the middle of the day? Why, having seen me come to visit, did he shoo me away like a dog?

I dare not commit my fears to paper, but am concerned that his living alone since Mama passed has driven him witless. And my neglect of him has left his mind free to unravel. I am such a dreadful woman - I have allowed my own problems to obscure the obvious need my father has for his daughter's attention.

I shall wait for your answer, Boo - you know Papa, please tell me what you think of the events of today. I must be forewarned before seeing him tomorrow. And I must think about asking Josiah if Papa can come to live with us. Must I not?

Ex

A musing

Sydney Walk
May 25th 1853


At last, I have set eyes on Boo's new baby. She looks exactly like a walnut to me, but Boo assures me she is beautiful and so she must be. As soon as I saw her I was brought to tears, wondering if I shall ever have such a bundle of my own. As I gazed down at her on Boo's lap I thought of Josiah and yearned for a tiny, living image of him to dandle and fuddle with.

I wonder if my fever has not entirely left me.

Villiers seems to be concerned for my well-being. Every time I turn around I find him watching me as one might regard a tottering child near a pond. I have not spoken to him about the Girl or the child, though I am sure he expects me to at any moment. I am saddened by my discovery of his cruelty, but he is far too good a butler for me to lose him over a servant girl. I had not thought him capable of such brutish sentiment, not when he is so meticulous in domestic matters. I wish my eyes had not been opened to his maleness.

Still, I must not let such petty disappointments spoil my plans. I want to take more of a role in the Press now that Boo has a use for both her hands, so I shall call upon Mrs Doughty before the week is over. And I must dine with Papa, for I have been woefully inattentive of him since the fire. If I am not to have a child, or a butler with more than half a heart, I can still be a dutiful wife and daughter. Those qualities are as yet still within my power.